2. Anyone have experience in rearing meat chickens and processing them? I don't know if I can stomach doing the slaughtering myself. But I rationalise that a chickens life growing up in my honestead would by likely vetter than that of a farmed broiler one.
I've done it. If you have a bunch that look alike, it's mentally easier, especially the first few times. (The one that's different always seems to turn into a pet, whether it's a different color, the largest, the smallest, etc.)
After the bird is truly dead (head off and flapping/twitching over), then the other steps don't bother me too much. In fact, I enjoy seeing how all the parts go together--but I only enjoy if after I KNOW the bird is dead, so it's not feeling pain. (This is how it is for me. You might well feel differently than I do.)
For the actual killing, I favor a single quick stroke with a hatchet or machete. I try to keep the setup calm and peaceful, holding the bird gently and securely. It ends up with the neck on the chopping block, the feet and wingtips held together in my hand somewhat up in the air, the bird calm (I keep trying until it is calm.) Then I chop hard one time. (Yes, then it flaps around "like a chicken with its head cut off," and the beak opens and closes and I feel bad for a little, but at least I know that this was a quick end, and it lived a good life.)
I've now got a flock of 12 heritage hens of different breeds at the moment.
Initally looking to just get eggs .. I'm also thinking of raising and extras for meat.
But I've got a few concerns:
1. What do I do with older hens ( will I end up with 60 hens that don't lay over the next 5 years if I retain them). I suppose it's naive of me to hope there could be some sort of happy medium win win.
3. Should I be more thick skinned and not be so emotional and not look at the chickens as quasi pets
I tend to view chickens as "quasi pets" that can also be eaten. So I wouldn't expect to eat my very favorite few, but I would happily eat one that was no longer laying AND was not one of those very favorites.
With 12 hens already, you will probably find that you like some better than others. With more hens in subsequent years, it'll be even more pronounced.
So I suggest that you butcher any hen that causes problems to the point of irritating you (bully or victim, escapes the pen regularly, spend all winter molting and resting while the others lay nicely, etc.) Basically, if you're tired of dealing with a particular situation--consider the stewpot as a solution.
I also suggest that you evaluate all of your hens at least once each year (maybe at fall moulting time), and butcher some of them. Keep only the "best"-- the best layers plus a few pets/favorites.
The favorites will probably change a bit from year to year. I've had birds that were favorites because they were so pretty (Spitzhauben springs to mind) But over time, I decided I didn't like the temperament. So I would expect to butcher even former-favorites if they were no longer favorites.
Over time, if you get 12 new ones each year, you might end up keeping 20-30 at a given time, mostly under 3 years old, but including a few that are quite a bit older than that.
I'm sure my way is not for everyone, but that's how I would handle it.