Using subtlety to get your SO to do housework unsollicited

[Knight Hawk Ranch]

Subtelty (sp?) never works with men unless it has to do with hinting around for playtime. Then they are all over that. LOL

Just remember to ask him to do what you need done.

They also have selective hearing so you have to make sure they are LISTENING to you when you ask.

At least yours seams to get the big hints.

 

[AK-Bird-brain]

Quote:
On behalf of men around the world, Thank you!

 

[deb1]

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Mothers should let their kids grow up. Its not her job as mom to be concerned with how your place looks.


Why, also, should either the man and woman lay down the law? What the heck does that mean anyway? How does she expect you to lay down the law with an adult person?

No offense but it sounds like your mom is trying to start trouble between you and your spouse.

When I married, I told my mom that she was not allowed to say anything negative to me about my spouse. She could just keep her opinions to herself.

 

[bluey]

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Truer words have never been spoken.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Yeah, hints just do NOT work with men. My husband taught me that a long time ago. We got in quite a few fights because hints weren't taken and finally he sat me down and explained that he just can't get it....even when I think it is obvious. So now I just come out and ask...and he NEVER resents that.

 

[chickenannie]

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Thank you! I totally agree. Hinting around and thinking that you are providing "clues" and "hints" can be completely unclear to another person. Much much better to say it in plain English without being manipulative. Verbalize your needs.

 

[warren]

What do you do when you ask for him to do something and he does not do it..so you ask again and he says 'don't nag'?

 

[chickenannie]

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Dialogue about what's going on -- there may be resentment or other feelings under the surface. State your needs clearly and listen to his. Try to work out a compromise which means you both may have to give something up.

Having said all that, I DO think we live in a primarily patriarchal society where many men take it for granted that a woman should be primarily responsible for all the housework, childcare, etc., and as a whole, men do NOT want to give up that power. And that includes acknowledging this fact. But if you have done the dialoguing with your SO and asked for what you need and he continues to disrespect that, well, there has to be a consequence. Be creative with your consequences.

 

[Wildsky]

I never NAG -

We just KNOW between the two of us that we both need to do things, its pointless to nag about it.
If I ask him to do something and he can't or doesn't FEEL like doing it right away - he too will speak up, he won't just ignore me.
There are things both of us HATE doing, for example he HATES cleaning the bathroom - so I do that no questions asked or being told.
I HATE cleaning the cat box - he does that without being asked its just one of his things to do.
My husband also does ALL the laundry, every week its his thing.
I do the cooking and clean up in the kitchen every day.

There are just things that get worked out, no whining and no nagging and nobody gets ignored or left with the lions share of housework.

With the kids we also do things and thats OUR THING, I bath them, make sure their hair is clean and they wash behind their ears... my hubby brushes teeth or supervises the older one to make sur ethat gets done right... he then takes them to bed, and I go up to say goodnight.

 

[adoptedbyachicken]

Tell him 'then don't make me ask you twice, just get it done.'

Works for me.

I have to say my hubby does more housework than me, as in cleaning, but he expects everything else done. He says I do nothing but expects that the groceries and the toilet paper and such are always there. If I had a dime for every time he says 'and while your in town...' and adds an hour to my list of thing to do. Whatever, it all works out I guess. Most of the things he is nuts about cleaning I'd jsut leave. It bothers him so he cleans it, he never expects me to, which is good.

However I have to put everything away. I can never find anything, if it's there when he cleans up it gets shoved wherever just to get it out of the way of the rag or vacuum, or it just stays wherever it was last used till it's considered totally lost and a new one is bought.