Vent: Stress at a High

[MamaDoodle]

I'd like to curl up in bed and cry, but I'm about to leave for another shift, can't look awful-er when meeting a new client.

I work in home health care, and with money being tight, I've taken on two to three shifts a day until further notice. Problem is, I still can't afford what I need. Like my car insurance, has, animal feed, winter preparations, and, well, dinner.

I was working as a pizza delivery driver, but with that you may as well be being paid to afford to drive for the job and that's all, so it's just the one job with home health care now. My husband's job doesn't help right now either.

My husband leaves for boot camp right after New Years, which leaves me alone with our two year old and my mom who has (aggressive) dementia. I know it's just a few months, but I'm already dreading it. If I didn't have a daughter and animals, I'd stay with a friend for those months.

Deep breaths, MamaDoodle, deep breaths.

State insurance won't cover me, and now I have another medical bill to pay off since I just got home after getting a concussion. Thankfully they gave me something to help me relax, maybe I'll look less edgy.

My plan at the moment is to sell/rehome all but my best horse, give my chickens to my neighbor's flock, and see if family will take any of the dogs. Not much for me to do about the cats, they're basically feral. I'll keep working till I snap or husband comes home, whichever comes first. And hopefully I'll be able to stress less that way.

It's just so hard to see the future in a positive way right now, with everyone around me losing work and being put down by my mom every time I see her.

Thanks for letting me vent!

 

[enola]

I probably won't be much help....... But if your horses are ridable, you may be able to contact a 4H horse club and find a family that could use one of your horses in a "free" lease type situation. I know someone that worked that angle.

Please keep venting here maybe we can work out some of your problems with you. God bless you.

 

[Granny Hatchet]

i have been taking care of my mother for 6 yrs now. she has the same problem. i even had to go to therapy to cope . i will tell you something i discovered, she cant help it. it is a personality disorder. knowing its not their fault makes it easier. you can replace your chickens when the time is right. make sure you have break times for yourself, keep the little one protected and remember. this is not your life, it is just a period in your life.

 

[chicken pickin]

Sounds like you are going through a tough time. And I m sorry to read about your Mother also. Im sure the thought of your DH leaving soon for a few months is also hard to think about. Just remember and this is what always gets me through absolutely everything, you may be having a very tough time but it could always be much worse than what it is, be thankful for what you have. I was an Army Wife for 9 years. We went through many moves around the country and even to other countries. He was deployed twice to Iraq during that time and we have 3 Daughters. I have always been a stay at home Mom and depended only on his income. When he got out of the Army he did another 2 years in Afghanistan as a Civilian. Its always a rough road especially being part of the Military but just looking at your signature line you know it can get rough and you embrace all the joy that comes too. your DHs Basic will fly by. Is he Active duty, Reserves, National Guard? Does his Military Insurance coverage start when he goes to Basic? If so that will definitely help.

I hope you can find a plan for all of your animals Im sure that has got to be difficult also.

 

[TXchickmum]

-so sorry that you are in the midst of some significant trials. Life can be a struggle, painful, confusing, confounding, and stressful. First of all, don't ever minimize that with which you're dealing. Folks will, at times, say the usual "it'll all get better" and "look, things could be worse" (and no judgment to the above poster for a similar wording. I understand the sentiment and well-meaning terms). I find (in general) this condescending. It minimizes how you feel, now. Your stress and pain are real. -never easy juggling financial difficulties, ill family members, and a significant other that is being called away (leaving the domestic care of things to fall to "you"). Deep breaths and small steps - taking each 24 hours as it comes. Sometimes, a day or two down the road is just too much with which to grapple and contend. One 24 hour period of time, and focus there, is enough and not so overwhelming.

-brief personal experience: -father passed suddenly at 1:20 PM (massive heart attack), brother was being released the exact same afternoon from a mental (hospital) facility, and my mother couldn't drive (never learned how to) to get to the hospital regarding my father or to the facility to retrieve my brother. I had a baby at home. I was 23. My husband was able to get my mother to the hospital to take care of things pertaining to my dad (whilst I made arrangements for someone to care for our son which had never been left w/anyone else before). -had to go be with my mother and take her to pick up my brother, then begin listening to docs explain his care for the Schizo-affective disorder (because it would be somewhat my responsibility. My mom wasn't in any shape to process it all.) Over the passing weeks, I wondered how I could deal. -wondered how I could handle and juggle everyone's needs (brother's, mother's, baby's) - not to mention my own grief. Anyway, I had to segment time into 24 hour snippets. -do that which was crucial and essential at any given moment, let everything else go, and take everything as it came - in small pieces.

Fast forward a few years, and we found ourselves signing papers on a new home! -seemed good. A week and a half later, the hubby brought home a pink slip. -company was downsizing, and he was the most junior of the management team. He was let go. I was at home taking care of 2 children, now. -new home. -no income. Again, 24 hour periods became the focus. -one foot in front of the other - one day at a time.

Three years later, the now 5-year-old child was diagnosed with type I diabetes. .....and to this day, we simply take 24 hours at a time. My focus is a small snapshot. -one day. No more. Ten years have passed, she is doing wonderfully well, and we just keep clicking away the 24 hour chunks of time. I can't contemplate the possibilities down the road. I know that if the glucose is controlled well, today.....today will run into tomorrow, and we'll do it again. Eventually, it will amount to something good over a long stretch.

-didn't mean to type out a dissertation, but just wanted to share from the heart after having some "life" thrown this way hard and fast. -thoughts/prayers are with you as you re-group, re-focus, and contemplate your next steps. -warmest wishes for your journey and finding caring homes for your pets/animals (whether it be temporary or permanent) - and for your mother, and her care, as she battles with dementia. -also, for your husband as he's called away...and for YOU as you fill in the gap at home. -here's to strength for you for each passing moment and day! -hoping that you can have clarity and small pockets of time for yourself to decompress. Blessings!

 

[MamaDoodle]

I probably won't be much help....... But if your horses are ridable, you may be able to contact a 4H horse club and find a family that could use one of your horses in a "free" lease type situation. I know someone that worked that angle.

Please keep venting here maybe we can work out some of your problems with you. God bless you.

I actually just walked in the door from selling one of my horses. I don't barrel race but he's young and trained for it, so a lady who does race accepted that he has some issues and trusts me when I say he really is a good horse and agreed to come get him next weekend.

I'm both relieved and depressed to know he has a new home.

 

[MamaDoodle]

i have been taking care of my mother for 6 yrs now. she has the same problem. i even had to go to therapy to cope . i will tell you something i discovered, she cant help it. it is a personality disorder. knowing its not their fault makes it easier. you can replace your chickens when the time is right. make sure you have break times for yourself, keep the little one protected and remember. this is not your life, it is just a period in your life.  

Thank you, and I wish you the best in your situation as well.

Just a period in my life makes it sound better, thanks..

 

[MamaDoodle]

Sounds like you are going through a tough time. And I m sorry to read about your Mother also. Im sure the thought of your DH leaving soon for a few months is also hard to think about. Just remember and this is what always gets me through absolutely everything, you may be having a very tough time but it could always be much worse than what it is, be thankful for what you have. I was an Army Wife for 9 years. We went through many moves around the country and even to other countries. He was deployed twice to Iraq during that time and we have 3 Daughters. I have always been a stay at home Mom and depended only on his income. When he got out of the Army he did another 2 years in Afghanistan as a Civilian. Its always a rough road especially being part of the Military but just looking at your signature line you know it can get rough and you embrace all the joy that comes too. your DHs Basic will fly by. Is he Active duty, Reserves, National Guard? Does his Military Insurance coverage start when he goes to Basic? If so that will definitely help.

I hope you can find a plan for all of your animals Im sure that has got to be difficult also.

He is active...9 years is a long time, and it doesn't seem like training will fly by, but you certainly know better than I do, so I'll keep my head up.
I'm not sure when the insurance kicks in...DH says it does when he goes to training, but I would think he'd have to finish it before insurance could kick in?

Wow, 9 years... you must be a tough and faithful woman, I hope I can weather it just as well, especially when he wants more kids like you two have.

 

[MamaDoodle]

-so sorry that you are in the midst of some significant trials. Life can be a struggle, painful, confusing, confounding, and stressful. First of all, don't ever minimize that with which you're dealing. Folks will, at times, say the usual "it'll all get better" and "look, things could be worse" (and no judgment to the above poster for a similar wording. I understand the sentiment and well-meaning terms). I find (in general) this condescending. It minimizes how you feel, now. Your stress and pain are real. -never easy juggling financial difficulties, ill family members, and a significant other that is being called away (leaving the domestic care of things to fall to "you"). Deep breaths and small steps - taking each 24 hours as it comes. Sometimes, a day or two down the road is just too much with which to grapple and contend. One 24 hour period of time, and focus there, is enough and not so overwhelming.

-brief personal experience: -father passed suddenly at 1:20 PM (massive heart attack), brother was being released the exact same afternoon from a mental (hospital) facility, and my mother couldn't drive (never learned how to) to get to the hospital regarding my father or to the facility to retrieve my brother. I had a baby at home. I was 23. My husband was able to get my mother to the hospital to take care of things pertaining to my dad (whilst I made arrangements for someone to care for our son which had never been left w/anyone else before). -had to go be with my mother and take her to pick up my brother, then begin listening to docs explain his care for the Schizo-affective disorder (because it would be somewhat my responsibility. My mom wasn't in any shape to process it all.) Over the passing weeks, I wondered how I could deal. -wondered how I could handle and juggle everyone's needs (brother's, mother's, baby's) - not to mention my own grief. Anyway, I had to segment time into 24 hour snippets. -do that which was crucial and essential at any given moment, let everything else go, and take everything as it came - in small pieces.

Fast forward a few years, and we found ourselves signing papers on a new home! -seemed good. A week and a half later, the hubby brought home a pink slip. -company was downsizing, and he was the most junior of the management team. He was let go. I was at home taking care of 2 children, now. -new home. -no income. Again, 24 hour periods became the focus. -one foot in front of the other - one day at a time.

Three years later, the now 5-year-old child was diagnosed with type I diabetes. .....and to this day, we simply take 24 hours at a time. My focus is a small snapshot. -one day. No more. Ten years have passed, she is doing wonderfully well, and we just keep clicking away the 24 hour chunks of time. I can't contemplate the possibilities down the road. I know that if the glucose is controlled well, today.....today will run into tomorrow, and we'll do it again. Eventually, it will amount to something good over a long stretch.

-didn't mean to type out a dissertation, but just wanted to share from the heart after having some "life" thrown this way hard and fast. -thoughts/prayers are with you as you re-group, re-focus, and contemplate your next steps. -warmest wishes for your journey and finding caring homes for your pets/animals (whether it be temporary or permanent) - and for your mother, and her care, as she battles with dementia. -also, for your husband as he's called away...and for YOU as you fill in the gap at home. -here's to strength for you for each passing moment and day! -hoping that you can have clarity and small pockets of time for yourself to decompress. Blessings!

I am actually trying the one thing at a time right now, which is actually hard to do when there's more than one thing going on at a time. I'd like to focus on dealing with that I just sold a horse I'm very fond of. I'm worried about so much that I probably shouldn't be... but instead, my husband needs help with dinner for when his mom visits tonight, my daughter is cranky, and my mom is mad at me.

So I'm sitting here drinking coffee and deciding what to do first. I think I'll finish the cup, put the chickens up out of the rain, feed the horses, and then take a nap with my daughter. Hubby can figure out dinner just fine. And as for my mom being mad, she thinks I should either keep the horse or ask for a lot from him, but I can't keep him between being stationed and current finances, so the fact that I found someone who will take him in this economy and is a nice lady should be what I get from this: something positive.

I wish my therapist hadn't retired...there aren't any good ones locally now, and I just can't drive two hours to talk to someone who can break stuff down for me or let me empty the tissue box without it being a heavy silence.

I'm amazed you have endured so much and have come out not only sane but also able to help others with advice, you're just amazing and I hope I can take stuff on as well as you have... Really, I don't know how I would have handled it.
One day at a time...okay, one day at a time.

 

[TXchickmum]

It sounds as if you are prioritizing things. Good for you! Stay strong!! Just breaking everything down that needs to be done vs. what can be delegated elsewhere or postponed 'til later IS positive.

-nothing amazing, here. -completely sane and finding joy in day-to-day things: yes! -simply had to adjust expectations and perspective a bit. 15 - 20 years ago I saw the "cumulative" effect. All of the small things festered and became big things. The big things (trials) became overwhelming. Also, I placed demands on happiness in the form of big things. -didn't make time to enjoy the little mundane stuff. Now, I'm 43. I'm a student at this "life" thing.....and will always be. -haven't arrived, figured it out, and am always learning and growing. The difference is this: The little things don't hold my focus. -have to delegate energy to the big things (trials) that are critical and crucial. In contrast, I don't put happiness on hold. I don't catalog "big" accomplishments that MUST transpire to attain happiness. I absorb all of the little things in any given day that put a smile on my face. This morning, I sat outdoors with a cup of coffee on the back porch. A little anole lizard popped up onto the trellis nearby. -made me smile.... 20 years ago, I wouldn't have even noticed that nor cared. (would've been making a to-do list in my head)

-still have to remain vigilant in caring for my child with type 1 diabetes. -woke up with a low blood glucose level during the night last night. -just did what needed to be done. -got juice, glucose rebounded, and it was all fine. -still take my mother on the errands she needs to run. She still hasn't learned to drive....and won't at 74. -still look after my brother (help my mom with him, as he lives with her at 51) as he is independent, yet very dependent at the same time. -cannot function on his own without supervision to stay on meds. -life?? It is good. -really good, sincerely good.

You hang in there and hold on!!! If you don't have a good therapist close, do you have true and close friends? if so - do not be timid to solicit help. Find that listening ear. Sometimes no advice is needed (or even wanted per se) - just someone to hear you out. Find support - have "go to" folks when you need someone to watch things for you while you attend other things. (and definitely, as stated by another poster, take a few minutes for yourself.) Some days - it may literally be a few minutes. After you've given all you can to the efforts of the day, sit down and rest. A simple cup of coffee is always a pleasant thing...