Warning! NOT a happy post...

[cheryl98117]

I guess I have just never been in his situation to understand what he is going through. I will always be his friend, even if he told me off, I would still care about him and love him like a brother. Nothing will ever change that. Thank you everyone, This has helped, and I have cried. I will be going to see him next week when he is allowed visitors.

It is just so shocking, he has always been the most upbeat out of all our friends. Always positive, always smiling, he is a very gentile kind hearted soul. His brother has been given power of atourney over him, and will now be his caretaker. His brother is the one who will have to make the final call on wether he goes home or stays in Washington. I am fairly sure that his younger brother will wait until he is able to ask what he wants.

Tha shock is starting to wear off for me, but wow do I feel like I was hit by a ton of bricks.

To the Moderators, Thank you for moving this to the apropriate place.

And again everyone, thank you for your support, you are all wonderful.

 

[arlee453]

All good tips given so far - and I'd add for you not to feel responsible for his actions. While it is your duty as a friend to share your concern and offer your help and assistance in any reasonable way, it's not your fault if all your best efforts are not enough to turn it around.

In the end, our lives are OUR lives to lead and each individual has to make their own choices as to their behavior. I've heard suicide described as the most selfish act possible and it is in a lot of ways - it's the people left behind that suffer often times.

I hope your friend gets the professional help needed during and most importantly through followup AFTER the hospital stay.

 

[b.hromada]

Suicide is such a horrible thing. I lost my little sister to suicide 15 years ago. I knew about it, tried to talk her out of it, the whole 9 yards, to no avail. My older sister didn't believe her, my brother didn't believe her, nor did my hubby. I told them that she was serious, I know my sister. She left a "letter" stating why she did it, that she wanted to die, etc. I was told, when I went to a suicide support group, that if I person so desires to kill themselves, no matter what we or anyone else does, they will find a way. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will find a way, if they are serious.
Obviously, my sister did not make it, she made sure of that, even bought a book on how to do it. The problem is who is left after they are gone, those that have been hurt.
My advice is to be his friend, talk with him, find out just what it is that is making him feel this way. In these times, you can see why people feel like there is just no way of things getting better. Like I felt after my sister died, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Unfortunately, when someone is in this frame of mind, they can't see the forest for the trees if you know what I mean. Depression is a terrible, terrible feeling, I know, because I suffer from it. First and foremost your friend needs to realize that depression is a disease, and counseling with or without medication will help a lot. It all has to do with the neuro transmitters in our brains.
I've been on anti-depressants for years now, will I get off of them, doubt it, because I don't like to feel helpless, which is how your friend is feeling right now. Be there for him, just let him know, that whatever he needs to say, that he has you to turn to, at all times, because this is what he is going to need now. Let him know that he may call you at any hour, day or night, if he is feeling like he'd try to do this again. I'm hoping for the best for you and your friend, it is such a hard thing for you to go through. Just remember, we are all different, and we feel things differently, so as not to put our emotions into them. Just keep being there for him, it won't be easy. I'll say a prayer for your friend that he finds some peace of mind, and will be able to better see his life in a different light. I'm sorry this has been so long winded, but like I said, I have been there, and when I do hear of it, it brings all of it back. I hope I've been of a little help to you.

Barbara

 

[redhen]

I've had people close to me commit suicide. One of them being my grandfather. Its a sad, hard situation for family and friends to deal with. Usually all you can do for them is try to get them help and really the rest is up to them... If someone is really determind to do it..they will. And some are just crying out for help but dont want to really die. They just need help and dont know how to ask for it. Sadly, my grandfather was one that really wanted to die...there was nothing anyone could of done to stop him. He was in his 70's, he was a war vet, he was a very strong, proud man. He finally got the chance to retire and move to Florida with my father and his mother. He was there for about a year and had a stroke, it took away his dignity(in his mind) and make him dependent on others. He couldnt drive anymore, needed help in his home..etc... He had just had enough. My father found him...he had wrapped himself in a blanket (so there wouldnt be a big mess for my father..afterwards we could tell he had thought it through pretty throughly, he must have first tried to electrocute himself in the bathroom because one the sockets by the tub was taken apart in there....) and he shot himself in his stomach. Him being in the war and all he knew a gut shot would be painful but fatal. I still miss him very much. And i hate to think of the pain he was in to do that to himself and to our family. I'm so sorry about your friend! I hope he gets the help he needs..

 

[Buff Hooligans]

b.hromada :

The problem is who is left after they are gone, those that have been hurt.

But think of how they feel if they keep on living... How they bring everybody around them down no matter what... I don't think it's selfish, I think it's desperation and COMPLETE LOSS OF HOPE.​

 

[cheryl98117]

b.hromada :

Suicide is such a horrible thing. I lost my little sister to suicide 15 years ago. I knew about it, tried to talk her out of it, the whole 9 yards, to no avail. My older sister didn't believe her, my brother didn't believe her, nor did my hubby. I told them that she was serious, I know my sister. She left a "letter" stating why she did it, that she wanted to die, etc. I was told, when I went to a suicide support group, that if I person so desires to kill themselves, no matter what we or anyone else does, they will find a way. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will find a way, if they are serious.
Obviously, my sister did not make it, she made sure of that, even bought a book on how to do it. The problem is who is left after they are gone, those that have been hurt.
My advice is to be his friend, talk with him, find out just what it is that is making him feel this way. In these times, you can see why people feel like there is just no way of things getting better. Like I felt after my sister died, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Unfortunately, when someone is in this frame of mind, they can't see the forest for the trees if you know what I mean. Depression is a terrible, terrible feeling, I know, because I suffer from it. First and foremost your friend needs to realize that depression is a disease, and counseling with or without medication will help a lot. It all has to do with the neuro transmitters in our brains.
I've been on anti-depressants for years now, will I get off of them, doubt it, because I don't like to feel helpless, which is how your friend is feeling right now. Be there for him, just let him know, that whatever he needs to say, that he has you to turn to, at all times, because this is what he is going to need now. Let him know that he may call you at any hour, day or night, if he is feeling like he'd try to do this again. I'm hoping for the best for you and your friend, it is such a hard thing for you to go through. Just remember, we are all different, and we feel things differently, so as not to put our emotions into them. Just keep being there for him, it won't be easy. I'll say a prayer for your friend that he finds some peace of mind, and will be able to better see his life in a different light. I'm sorry this has been so long winded, but like I said, I have been there, and when I do hear of it, it brings all of it back. I hope I've been of a little help to you.

Barbara

Thank you Barbara, and everyone else. This has all helped to calm me down, and steady my emotions. I talked to the charge nurse, and she told me it will be at least a week before he is allowed visitors. Like everyone has stated the best that I can do for him is to be there for him. But I also need to be there for his brother and roomate. I am sure that this is evenn harder on them than it is on me, as they were in constant contact with him. As soon as I am allowed to see him, I will.

I have dealt with suicide before. 4 years ago my unkle took his life, that shattered the entire family. It has taken a long time for us to get over the loss of him. I dont think anyone truely gets over a loss like that.

I know that sometimes no matter what we do to help, sometimes it just doesnt work. Unfortunatly we cant be with the person at all times, we can only do our best. I know this, and I also know that it is hard, on the person in question, and the people in his life that it affects. But if the person in question doesnt want your help then most times, they will find a way. All I am able to do is be there for him, be his friend no matter what and not judge him or his actions. That is what I need to remember to do, do not judge him, but suport him instead. Its not an easy thing to do. But I will do it. I am not the type of person to give up on someone I love. No matter how bad or hard the situation is.

Again thank you all, You have been a huge help for my scattered brain.​

 

[JennsPeeps]

Quote:
This is excellent advice.

Ntiveheart, so sorry you have had this grief in your life.

 

[raroo]

I'm so sorry. I have been down that road a bit myself, after high school. Never tried anything, but thought about it. It is a very frustrating, downward spiral to be in depression. For me, I didn't want self-help books, counselors, or pity. I just needed someone to be there for me no matter what, and it took finding that person to drag me out of the dark ages. People can be surrounded by others and still be lonely. And have a smile and still feel bad inside. Its complicated, and often not just one issue at root, either. A whole myriad of emotions, all bundling together into a huge black knot. Don't try to untie the knot for him, just be there for him unconditionally, and don't offer it, waiting for him to accept it. If you can, simply just be there, a steady quiet presence and one day it will all come spilling out of him. After all the "snap out of its" and cheesy, self help crap that I heard, my fiance looked me straight in the eyes and said "It's okay. I think over time I can heal you."

I believe it is that sort of commitment that someone in depression needs.

 

[Mourningdove]

1st let me say I am sorry to hear this and give you

and I understand how you feel trust me! See back in the spring of 1984
I was the 1 who tried to commit suicide, long story short the boyfriend I lived with at that time was not only a heavy drinker & drug user he was physically and mentally abusive to me. He made me feel I was better off dead and he wanted to kill me, all that came just after a good friend of ours was killed. My point is even though I don't know this guys reasons for wanting to end his life, he may be in need of help and felt his life wasn't worth living, I know when I tried to kill myself I spent 3 days in a coma and had to attend inpatient treatment afterwards. I have no answers but all I can say is just be there and try to understand what he may have been feeling, just be a friend!

 

[cheryl98117]

Dont get me wrong. I know what its like to have depression. I lived with depression for 9 years while with my ex. It wasnt until my ex pulled a loaded gun on me that I left him and started my life over with my husband and best friend.

It was a major shock for me today when I got the message that my friend was being hospitalized for attemp of suicide. The shock has worn off, but the agonizing pain of knowing that he wanted to take his life will remain with me for a long time.

Thank you everyone for all of the advice, it has helped to steady my mind, I am no longer crying uncontrolably. Again thanks for that.

I have been on the phone and emailing back and forth with his family, seeing as I cant do anything for him at the moment, I have been trying to console his family. They want him to come home to SLC Utah, but his brother has decided to let him make the choice when his mind is clear.