After much thought last night after I went to bed, I have decided that FiL does have guilt for being the one to order the plugs pulled.
But knowing this man as I do, for my entire life, I also have decided he has deep deep survivors guilt.
I can identify with this horrible guilt.
I had to put my 16 year old best friend Labrador retriever down last fall as some of you can remember.
She was with me 24/7 and even went to work with me.
We were enseprable, and closer even than my kids.
(Kids grow up and move away)
Dogs stay by your side through thick and thin.
So when I had to take her bye bye to the vets, she trusted me completely, blind and deaf as she was..I had to lift her into the van as her hips were so far gone...snd she trusted me completely when the vet came out with the syring...
And I still cry over it, and alot of my grief is that she is gone, and I am still here and we should be together as we always were.
Survivors guilt over my dog might sound silly, but for a while it was thick enough to smother me.
I should be with her.
So I decided FiL feels this way,he more than likely has thoughts like "why didn't he get her to a doctor sooner, she may have survived"...like "if he had only taken her to the hospital the day before, she may have lived survived".
And if he had left life support on, maybe she would have recovered.
So many 'ifs' and the guilt of pulling the plug (honoring her wishes) and of surviving while she did not, and guilt from maybe not doing enough in protecting his dear wife, is probably consuming him completely.
I still think his routine needs to be established early, and strictly adheared to, that comes from nursing training.
I still like the puppy idea.
Something helpless that needs him may draw him out of depression, and give him a reason to stay sober, a reason to be alive, something to love and talk to and be with.
So I have been surfing for pups down there at the SPCA & will tell DH when we talk again.
**Sigh!**
And I too have been grieving for this my second Mom.
And greiving alone.
And yes, all the Grandkids, great grandkids & Dh and his siter have been in & out of that house and standing with FiL all along.
OK enough of that update...