I should go to bed.
It doesn't help that I am not feeling the love towards the man in the bed. He came home in a mood, and I haven't a clue what I have done. All I have learned over the years, is that it is some how all my fault. I just wish I had a clue as to what it was that I did this time. I would try changing if I knew what I was going to do, was doing, did, said, or didn't do. I have learned not to expect anything, and I am always grateful for whatever I am allowed to have.
There is so much good about most of our life together. I spend a lot of time working to be happy, helpful, and supportive. The constant negative comments, and underlying anger wearing on my soul. I know that I am different, or as some have told me just plain odd and annoying. I have taken to spending more time alone in my home, so that I am not irritating people. It's not like there is any place to go from here. I would go live under a bridge, but darn it I like living indoors. Besides it would be extremely difficult trying to take care of 6 dogs. 5 cats, all the fishes, 12 finches, and not to mention god knows how many chickens under a bridge.
All I want is a peaceful tension free home, where everyone is comfortable. After all these years one would think that it shouldn't be that hard. Some times I don't mind not knowing that I am bugging the poop out of every person in my life. Cause if you don't tell me straight up, I have no way to figure out how to change.
Well that was enough self pity. I need to suck it up, and get over it.
