What to do about a close relative who invites themselves over?

[Germaine_11.20]

Hi deb, no there aren't any young children (now anyway) but she is actually wonderful with kids never having had any of her own.

But the walking on eggshells is the perfect description. The kids were subjected to her fits when they were younger and most of them resent her for that and won't have much to do with her because they don't have to. They are polite when she is around but won't make any effort to include her in their functions. She can't understand why.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

She sounds really sad. I know it's all her own doing, but what a tragic life. Too bad she doesn't see how she is sabotaging herself. If she is wanting love and acceptance she has certainly gone about it the wrong way.

to you for being a good sister all these years and trying to help her. Now it is time to take care of yourself and your family.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

Citygirl that pretty much sums it up. It is sad, and she can't seem to stop herself from acting like she does. She misses out on so much because of it.
That is one reason I don't just leave her out. She is a good person, just very overbearing. I still love her. Just want to leave her out of family get togethers where she doesn't behave well. Those are the times it is difficult to just walk away. Other times I can just say "well, gotta go" and hang up or leave.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
Here is a link to borderline personality disorder. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/symptoms-of-borderline-personality-disorder/

Of course, this might not help her but it will help you to understand why your efforts to keep her happy aren't going to work. People with this disorder really want to be loved but they are so over sensitive-and selfish- that they alienate everyone around them. Its a sad disorder both for the sufferer and their family.

Here is another site.

http://www.bpdfamily.com/

 

[wildorchid053]

it's time to tell her it is your house, your way, if she wants it different then it needs to be her house, her way. and if she can't feel comfortable with your way then it is time to leave. you are going to have a nice xmas and no tempertantrums or she will be asked to leave. end of discussion. i am sure you arent' the only one who is uncomfortable with her, what about father? kids? they don't deserve to have a miserable time every year.. put your big girl panties on and tell her how it is going to be from now on. gl.. if she doesn't agree then it is her loss hun, not yours. gl

 

[PineappleMama]

Sounds like she never left off the Terrible Twos.

I'd prolly tell her everyone's coming over at 6... and then at 5 meet everyone at Denny's.

 

[beerman]

I have a father like that, you better cook what he wants and have it ready when he wants it. He would sit in a chair like you sister does and pout. I finally said this is my house not yours. I haven't seen him since and it doesn't bother me at all. If they can't act right they can be the ones who miss out and other people shouldn't have to deal with it.