Work rant not sure what to do? (long) updated had meeting

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
This was the rule for my kids at any number of schools and preschools. However, some teachers would stuff them in backpacks with schoolwork so that it was not obvious that some kids got invitations and others did not. At other schools they provided class lists that included phone numbers or street addresses (yes, parents had to consent to sharing the information, but I never saw any that were not available, although I am sure some must have opted out).
I have to say that just as it is rude when you are having lunbch with a group of friends to pointedly invite only one to a dinner party, it is rude for a child to obviously invite only some of her classmates to her birthday party. It's not a case of hurting self-esteem, it is a case of not being rude. But, as I said, there are ways around it that avoid hurt feelings.

 

[luvchicks8]

i think they take the "hurt there feelings to far today" Children here don't even win or lose a game every game is tie, you get 10 piches is baseball. Every child bats around there is no 3 outs in baseball. Children need to learn to lose and be ok with losing. My child is NOT about to invite children who harrass him everyday.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
I agree...
Why invite kids that arent your sons friends?? It just makes no sense to me... trust me...the kids WILL get over it...
also... WHY would they even want to come if they wernt your sons friends?? So they can feel akward and left out??

Seems the school needs to mind their own business.. and let the PARENT decide who they want to invite to THEIR house...
also... talk about hurting feelings?? Its okay for the teacher to harass your son and hurt HIS feelings....but he cant give out invitations to just his friends...because he'll hurt someones feelings?? OOh please...

 

[elf]

I am a retired teacher (aout 4 yrs. now). No way would any teacher in a public school be allowed these days to leave her/his classroom, even to go to the restroom,except during planning period or lunch. And if they interfered with staff duties rather than asking the person for an appointment, it would be the teacher that got called down. I can sort of see the point about the selective invitations, especially if passed out during class, as that would be very disruptive, but sounds like she should approach this in a calmer fashion.

 

[Spookwriter]

Care if I weigh in with a few words? There has all ready been
some excellent advice given. I'll just add a little, and ask a few
minor questions?

Then I would like to follow up with an article dealing with the issue.

First, I had to guess at an "SAU" employee in New Hampshire. Had to
google the term. School Adminstration Unit employee? So you are in
some manner actually employed by the school board? I ask that as I
know of some school districts where less minor employees are through
a private company.

Am I then correct that both you and the teacher in question are in fact
both employed by the same school board? As I understand the issue,
your problem is twofold. You address the first, and minor, issue of one
employee (the teacher) disrupting another employees work schedule.
(yours). Why she chooses to interupt it is inmaterial. I further understood
you to say that after a personal meeting with the principal, new policy has
been written dealing with this. I am not aware of any school system where
the principal has the authority to write policy.

It isn't about the teacher being there fifteen years, or your being a substitute
for three years. That isn't part of the problem. All though I do wonder at your
statement of "They said to choose between my child and my job." They who?

Isn't it more of the problem that you feel this teacher has for some reason
targeted your child with her bullying tatics? Does it really matter at that point
if you are a fellow employee, a stay at home mom, or work at any other job?
Always focus on the issue.

At the same time, you're playing with a kind of double edge standard. You want
it to be okay for your son to come to you with a problem while you work, but you
don't want the teacher to be able to come to you about your son. That's kind of
a hard call.

I'll agree I don't think you can force a change of class this late in the year. School
year is almost over. Has this bullying been ongoing since the beginning of the
school year, or did it actually start with your daily sub work? If it started there, why?
If it has been ongoing, why wait until now to face the issue? Bullys don't go away.

Your son is in the third grade. He's nine, ten years old? How is he doing academically?
His grades this year and last year? Does he seem to know the material? I'm asking
only for some signs that this teacher has harassed your son all year. I'm asking myself
what logical reason would the teacher suddenly have to begin such behavior.

Irregardless of the supposed reasons, a teacher at no time, in no way, shape nor form,
has the right to bully a student, or the students parent. I would think it to be against
the law in the state of New Hampshire, and certainly against Board of Education policy.
While the principal may suggest to this teacher, principals do not have the power to make
policy. You have the right to attend a school board meeting, you have the right to address
the District Supervisor, and you have the right to request to review the Board of Education
Policy on Accountability for Professional Employee Practice and Behavior. And I promise that
they do have one.

That being said, I would have never tolerated what I felt to be an undo outburst from the
teacher the first time. She would of plainly understood there won't be a second. I'm a nice guy.
But you cross me, I'll eat you alive and spit out the bones. Over a $1200.00 debt due me, I cost
a man a million dollar account a few months ago. He regrets his actions. But he now understood
what I said. You may not like me. But you will respect me.

My daughter is in the fourth grade. Yes, I know her teacher. I've known every one since kindergarden.
Know her principal. Know the principals parents. Not her teacher, but the teachers wife and two daughters
are in the local theater together. Know all the bus drivers. I'm in and out of her school all the time. Always
have been.

As you would guess, I might of had some experience in the school system. And I've seen parents make
waves. Some just, some unjust. I've also seen people drown in high water. But if you're certain she's
wrong...there will be tracks.

Didn't mean to be so long winded. Sorry about that.

But I would like to share a short article dealing with the issue of teacher harassment. One of the best
I've read on the subject.

----------------------------------------------

School Directory HomeK-12 Articles

HomeK-12 ArticlesIs Your Child's Teacher a Bully?

Written By: Mary M. Alward

We've all heard about kids being bullied by peers. Kids taunt, tease, pull hair, shove and push each other on a daily basis. In recent years, schools have taken steps to stop bullying and many have a zero tolerance level for any type of peer harassment. But what if your child's teacher is the bully? New research shows that 2% of children are bullied by a teacher sometime in their elementary or middle school years.

Most teachers are caring and compassionate. They became teachers in order to make a difference in the lives of their pupils. However, some teachers, for one reason or another, take a dislike to a child in their class and pick on them on a daily basis. Such an occurrence can have a long-lasting effect on your child's academic experience and turn his school year into a nightmare. The effects of teacher bullying doesn't usually end when your child leaves the teacher's class. It's something that can stay with him his entire life.


Student Abuse

Teachers who are bullies treat their victims much the same as a schoolyard bully. They humiliate the child in front of his classmates, abuse him verbally and make threats of physical harm or of giving low academic grades. The teacher may center your child out by "making an example" of him and insisting he stand in a corner. Possibly the teacher heaps homework on your child for "punishment" of some minor infraction. There are many different ways that a teacher can bully students.

Suffering in Silence

Chances are if your child is being bullied by a teacher he won't say anything. Boys are more apt to suffer in silence than girls. Boys feel they should be able to "take it" and fear being teased by their peers if they tell. Your child may also fear retaliation by the teacher if he says anything about what is happening. Remember, a teacher is a figure of authority and kids think that there's nothing that can be done if their teacher acts inappropriately.

Signs of Teacher Bullying

When a teacher bullies kids, it is a very traumatic experience for them to go through. They are embarrassed and humiliated and have no idea what steps they can or should take to stop it. They often say nothing, but there are signs that you can watch for:

- Headaches, stomachaches and nightmares that occur frequently.

- Loss of interest in school.

- Negative behavior.

- A resistance to attending school.

- Self-Deprecating remarks.

- Complaints of being picked on by the teacher.

- Complains of being constantly yelled at.

- Complaints of being humiliated by the teacher.

- Complaints of a teacher being rude, making sarcastic remarks or being disrespectful.

Solutions

If you feel your child's teacher may be bullying him, don't stoop to that level. Stay calm and keep an open mind. Approach the situation in a manner that will result in a peaceful but appropriate solution.

- Call a meeting between the teacher, the principal and yourself.

- State the problem in a calm and courteous voice.

- Listen to the teacher's side of the story. Possibly your child has misinterpreted the teacher's actions. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt and keep a sharp eye to see if the problem reoccurs.

- Leave a paper trail. Record the dates of all meetings and the results. Write out your concerns and make copies for the teacher and principal. This lets all parties know that you are serious about resolving the issue. Keep all correspondence in a file that is easily accessible.

- Go higher. If the situation isn't resolved after the meeting, take it a step higher. At this point a copy of all meetings and correspondence should be sent to the school board of the Superintendent of Schools. Call in advance to find out his/her name and address the issue directly to them. Contacting the school board or the Superintendent of Schools is well within the rights of both you and your child.

- Never ignore an instance of teacher bullying. It won't stop unless you make the teacher aware that you know what is happening and make a commitment to ascertain that it stops. Ignoring a teacher who bullies students allows the practice to continue, which places your child under a great deal of stress. This can inadvertently cause your child to become a bully on the playground or in the community. It is his way of releasing some of the stress that he's under.

- Show your child that bullying of any kind, even if by a teacher, is wrong. This lets your child know that you listen to his concerns and take his well-being seriously. Giving your child the support that he needs, will have enormous benefits to both you and your child.

Prevent Teacher Bullying

One way to prevent teacher bullying is to visit your child's school often and start a relationship with your child's teacher early in the school year. Volunteer in your child's classroom. If you notice that your child's teacher has a tendency to bully students, meet the challenge head-on and report the incident to the principal. Remember, a teacher's rights end when your child's rights, or any other child's rights, are being infringed upon.

If you suspect a teacher at your child's school is bullying students, step up to the plate and put an end to it immediately. You can make a difference in yours or another child's life by teaching them that bullying of any kind or by any one is an act of cowardice and is not to be tolerated.

 

[suzettex5]

I dont know your whole story, but I would just encourage your son to be happy, keep doin your job as best you can- AND find a mean a** attorney to file whats called a hostile work envoroment lawsuit (not to mention a hostile learning enviroment for your son). No one deserves to be treated like you've been treated and you have rights!! Your child is being targeted as well! This is inexcuseable. Get a free consultation from an attorney and go for it. I am not for filing frivolous lawsuits, but that kind of behavior from teachers and school faculty must stop before they DAMAGE any more children. Kids should be safe at school, and so should you. There are laws regarding these kinds of behavior, and you dont need a bunch of wittness' either- they're all scared for their jobs too. Anyways, I'm sorry I got worked up- I hate when people in pathetic "power" positions use their fake power to hurt kids and control or degrade other people. I hope things get better, if they dont- file suit. They either stop their stuff, or pay you to go away, win win situation.

 

[Spookwriter]

Seems I remember reading somwhere that a court (which court, which state?)
decided that a parent could not sue the local school board for a single teachers
actions in the classroom as long as the BOE had a policy in effect prohibiting those
actions.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
There is probably more to it than that--I doubt just having the policy is sufficient, but if they have and ENFORCE a policy it is a different matter than if they have a policy, but ignore violations of it.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I don't think the principal was making policy, but rather giving specific instructions to deal with a specific situation. Depending on the policies determined by the school board, these instructions either fell within policy guidelines, aberrated from them or were not covered by them.

It isn't about the teacher being there fifteen years, or your being a substitute
for three years. That isn't part of the problem. All though I do wonder at your
statement of "They said to choose between my child and my job." They who?

I did wonder this, too.

Isn't it more of the problem that you feel this teacher has for some reason
targeted your child with her bullying tatics? Does it really matter at that point
if you are a fellow employee, a stay at home mom, or work at any other job?
Always focus on the issue.

I think she believes the bullying is directly related to her holding a job in the school cafeteria. Both issues are relevant as she perceives that both she and her child are being bullied. Yes, they are separte issues, but they are intimitely related to each other.

At the same time, you're playing with a kind of double edge standard. You want
it to be okay for your son to come to you with a problem while you work, but you
don't want the teacher to be able to come to you about your son. That's kind of
a hard call.

I don't think this is the case--it seems to be the teacher who has this issue. My understanding from reading the whole thread is that the OP wants to keep her job separate from her role as a parent. She isn't asking that her son be allowed to come see her during work, but rather is objecting to his being told that he cannot tell her about anything that goes on in his classroom.

I'll agree I don't think you can force a change of class this late in the year. School
year is almost over. Has this bullying been ongoing since the beginning of the
school year, or did it actually start with your daily sub work? If it started there, why?

A very good question.

If it has been ongoing, why wait until now to face the issue? Bullys don't go away.

Your son is in the third grade. He's nine, ten years old? How is he doing academically?
His grades this year and last year? Does he seem to know the material? I'm asking
only for some signs that this teacher has harassed your son all year. I'm asking myself
what logical reason would the teacher suddenly have to begin such behavior.
....​

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
It looks like the issue has been resolved for now.

Thank you all for your participation.