Am I Being Unforgiving?

[cassie]

Quote:
X3. Excellent advice. Don't go!! Your safety is paramount. DO NOT GO!!!!!

 

[spacecowgirl]

No...way. Some people are toxic. Unfortunately, they may be part of your (blood) family. You didn't choose them, and they didn't choose you. But for your own safety and sanity, stay far, far away from them!!

I know this from personal experience.

 

[cafarmgirl]

Your grandmother has chosen to be this person's enabler. That does not mean your family has to put on a happy face and coddle him as well. Stay home, make no excuses to grandma as to why, just tell her the truth. Whether or not you/your family is or isn't forgiving of him is not the point, it won't change the fact that he is a dangerously unstable person and it's not worth trying to appease grandma.

 

[SillyChicken]

Given the history..........do you really need to ask?

I would never go on any given day.......ever!

 

[onthespot]

Not only would I not go, I would flat out tell grandma why. The man is dangerous and you feel like you would be putting your lives in danger by associating with him. I would also give her referrals to local services, including but not limited to:

Adult protective services
Domestic violence hotline
Elder abuse hotline
Department of Social Services
Alanon
AA

 

[Peaches Lee]

Thanks everyone for your input. We have told my grandmother multiple times how we do not want to asssociate with him. However, she is deaf to our requests, and completely enraptured with my uncle. Last year's Thanksgiving she could not get ahold of him by phone, went to his house and he wasn't there, then came to our house in an absolute meltdown, crying, sobbing, hyperventilating because she could not find/contact my uncle!

You would have thought someone's toddler was missing at the beach, not a grown 40 something year old man. Come to find my uncle was up at his dad's (my grandfather--divorced from my grandma) that he hasn't spoken to in umpteen years.

To the people that say that he is toxic, I agree completely!! Honestly, my mom is so different from her family, she is no drama and peace, they are the opposite, drama and war!

Luckily I am working the Holiday weekend at a vet clinic and ya never know what could happen emergency wise (just had a dog come in that at a whole box of chocolates). But I do feel that I need to say that no, I do not want to hang out with this person.

Thanks again everyone for helping with this issue.

 

[sheila3935]

I think your grandmother is like my mom. I have a sister that is a drug addict. She has had her kids taken away 3 times and now lives with a convicted murderer. My mom coddles her.My mom is 80 years old on a fixed income but will give her her last dime even her rent money if my sister NEEDS it. Luckly my sister wants nothing to do with the rest of us as we dont tolerate her behavior. I asked my mom once why she does this. She told me Janet needs me. I think thats your grandmas problem. She thinks your uncle needs her and your mom can take care of herself. Is it right? No. But you will not change her. I say do as we do. If my sister is oing to be there I wont. My mom knows that. I am sure it bothers her but I just cant be around my sister. She blames me for all of her problems and my mom sides with her, so I stay away from her. As a sibling does it bother me? Yes sometimes. I feel bad for my mom that we cant be all together for the holidays but I have to do whats right for me and my family. It is a tough situation, but your mom has to stick to her guns and do whats right for her and her family.

 

[EweSheep]

I think working over the holidays at the vet would make it fun and stories to tell LOL! Who knows, maybe some dog swallowed a Christmas ornament?! Or the poor kitty cat ate the garland strings. Or some funny kid decided the family dog would make a good reindeer for pulling his cardboard sleigh and the dog sprained his paw or back.

 

[chicmom]

No. You are NOT unreasonable. If Grandma wants to put up with that her whole life, then she can, but you and your family dont' have to. As a mom, I have to say that it's difficult to see one of your kids go awry. Very sad when they spiral out of control and you can't stop them.

My stepdaughter quit school when she was 18, and she's been in jail and has alot of problems, and it's hard to watch that, but I don't expect everyone to just put up with all of her foolishness. When she was 18, we told her, you stop this nonsense, and if you don't go to school, and come home every night and behave yourself, you have to move out. She didn't want to.....so she moved out.

Also, I have a sister who is an alcoholic, drug abusing nightmare, and I finally had to tell my parents that I want nothing to do with her, and if they want to have a relationship with her, that's fine, but I will be visiting them on a day when she's not around. I put my foot down. My sister has mental problems, and she also is a very mean drunk. She has attacked me physically. It's something I just can't forget, and I won't be around that.

You can do that too. Maybe pick Grandma up either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, visit with her a bit, and then take her home.

 

[speckledhen]

The motto for 2012 should be "Down with Toxic People". You have the right idea. No exceptions for relatives. Hope this doesn't come back to bite your grandmother.