Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[runningboy]

It must have been a great guy, if you're the one depresses, but don't worry, there's plenty other fish in the sea. You'll find a new buddy

 

[Loreli]

Plenty of fish but one that has been a son. So it feels really sad to not know the details of his life. I know he’s made so very bad decisions. I know that wouldn’t have happened in the past. Now I have no input. And I care. So it hurts to not be able to help.
Fruitandnut I hope you continue to post. It’s so nice to listen to each others story. Makes me feel like someone understands and that I’m not crazy.
I think one thing that’s hard right now for me. Is that my d is seeing someone else and he seems nice. I only wish good for them. But when I think about how much I wish the old bf and her would get together, it feels like I want to undermine her current relationship. Anyone else experience this?

 

[Fruitandnut]

@Loreli Wow yes it’s like your me. Although my d still holds hope for the ex to return in the future she has become quite friendly with another guy. He comes across nice enough on the surface I guess, but there’s something that doesn’t feel right about him and he’s quite petty and argumentative. I just can’t gel with him and I feel uncomfortable around him and Uneasy if he’s in the house, where as the one I miss he just fitted right in and became one of the family and literally right into my heart and loved as one of my own kids. It’s funny you mentioned this because it’s Something I’m struggling with at the moment too and I don’t know if it’s phycological that I don’t get on with this latest guy because inside I would like the time turned back and the old one back in my ds life or if it’s a natural mother’s gut instinct that something is not right about him and makes me uncomfortable. Whatever the reason I do feel quite terrible about it and wish that I actually liked this new guy.

 

[Loreli]

Yep! Same here on all your points. I can’t help but compare although I try not to. The bf wanted to badly to know me. He wanted to be loved by me (meaning he wanted the kind of mom I was). He tried to impress me and then quickly just became a son. 100% one of the family;included in everything from meals to vacations, to being expected to help in the yard or whatever. But it was seamless and never weird for a moment. This new one- yeah no bumps but he is a few years older than the bf was when they started dating. So theirs that too. The bf was 16 when they started dating. The new guy is 21, so definitely a difference anyhow.
In the end, that’s my relationship with him. As for my daughters.... the thing I miss is seeing the commitment and joy that was between them. She was happy. Just simply and deeply - happy. He was like a kid who finally found his place and loves the idea of being loved for who they were.That love and sense of being set and whole- that’s how they always looked. So I miss “them” but I don’t want to wish any bad on the new. And I feel guilty wishing for one thing because it feels like I’m wishing bad for the other and I’m not. Not at all.
I do believe the right thing comes . But I also believe we have the ability to get in our own way and mess up a possibly bigger plan.

 

[Loreli]

I wish my D would mention the d bf. I think she’d say she HATES him. She broke up with him. I don’t think it was supposed to go this way. But it got sour fast. And he went from crying and sad to very very mean.
still, prices of him and them are around the house. She’s removed most but not all. I wonder if that’s intentional? We talk about everything. But not the bf.
As for you @Fruitandnut, I think you are feeling a monthers intuition. Trust it. And for me, I try to remember that I’m an adult and I know I must follow my intuition. I also worry about what you said,I know I miss him and I know I always check myself that I’m giving the new guy a chance. And I am.
So maybe I’m 85% intuition and 15% not open to liking him because I miss the first one. Well.... some days it’s 85/15. Some days maybe 90/10. Haha.

 

[Rooapalooza]

I didn't read this whole thread, just the first page. A similar situation happened to my family though. A long time ago my brother dated a woman who my whole family loved. Honestly she was better than any of us, but she brought out the best in all of us. It was wonderful.
After about a year of dating, they were ready to get married, and instead they broke up, due to some terrible advice my brother got from his pastor.
Fast forward a few years and she got married, so did my brother. The difference is my brother has now been divorced twice, while she is happy and settled. I'm really glad for her, but I can't help still missing her and knowing that all of us really missed out, on a sister, a friend, and a wonderful mother to nieces/nephews/grandchildren. Not to mention it has been very difficult for the women my brother has been with since then to fit in with the family.

 

[Loreli]

Hi Rooapalooza. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s interesting to hear from a different family members view. I guess all feelings aside, I am so grateful to have this group to ‘morning the loss’ haha. I sure miss him today and these last days. I guess cuz it’s back to college and I wonder if he’s ok. Wonder if he as come to terms and faced up to u kind things he did to my d.
Thanks again for sharing

 

[Loreli]

Hi All. Kids back to school... I miss the bf still. I can’t seem to knock it. I was fine for a while. Then about a few sago I kept having this edited feeling that he was close by. So odd. As a result, I started to really miss him again. It will pass I guess. Silly as it sounds I think they’ll be together at some point.
Looking fwd to all your posts and current updates. Be safe all

 

[India1931]

My daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend of one year (they are both 24). We all embraced him as a member of the family, and he was welcomed to holiday dinners and vacations. The whole extended family was impressed by his wit, intelligence, and gentle nature. I saw how he adored my daughter, and she seemed crazy about him as well. I thought he was going to be "the one," but in the past month, my daughter hinted she was feeling overwhelmed and pressured for a committment she was not ready for. I advised her to speak with him and tell him how she felt, that perhaps they would both benefit from taking a few steps back. She broke it off entirely, and in speaking with her she feels she made the right decision. As a mother, I am of course supportive of her, but at the same time, I know he was devastated and my heart aches for him. I am so sad! Has anyone else experienced this?

My heart is breaking every minute of the day. I can’t stop thinking about this young boy my daughter broke up with. I’m devastated! How do I get over this.I never thought I would feel this way. My daughter wanted us to like him then we start loving him like a family member and then she says her feelings have changed foe him. I can’t help but ache foe him I want him back in our lives.

 

[India1931]

I'm so depressed I cry everyday, I saw a recent picture of him it broke my heart , I saw the change in his face it shows he suffered , she was his first love, he was so loving and sweet, I'm not sure what my original post was but he did live with us he was like my son , my daughter seems fine we don't mention him at all , I'm hoping by some miracle she will realize and want him back.. Same here I'm already thinking if the holidays without him and it's so sad , nobody gets it they can't understand why I'm so hurt and why I can't just let him go and move on , a piece of my heart is missing I miss him like crazy , I want my boy back