Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[catdog32]

I am sitting here crying about my daughter's break up. I feel a little crazy and am afraid to confide in anyone I know. This was her first boyfriend and they dated for 1 1/2 years. He had his faults and she broke up with him in an effort to get him to change. He was super involved in school activities, and didn't have the time for her that she wanted. He also could be a little blunt. But he was very ambitious and also really involved in his church. I guess I saw him as a good catch. I became fairly close to the family too. When she became unhappy with him, I tried to counsel her on communication. In the end, I just said you have to trust your own judgment, and that;s when she broke up with him. It's been a few months since they broke up, and he now has a new girl he is interested in and she in him. My daughter feels cast aside and replaced, but honestly she is taking it better than I am. My older daughter married her high school sweetheart, so I thought this would happen with my younger one. I wasn't prepared for this not to work out. Some family members thought he was kind of weird, so I am wondering why I am this upset. I literally feel sick. I 'm not sure if this is about something deep seeded in my past too, because I feel I shouldn't be reacting this way.

 

[connie1966]

You can't confide in anyone unless they've been through it they can't understand , were human we get attached especially as moms our love is unconditional even if were no related by blood , he moved on though so I think that would make it easier for me if that was the case daughters x has not I know he's trying to get over her still and that makes me sad and the thought if what he went through kills me ! We had a strong bond so he lost two people he loved

my daughter moved on she has a new boyfriend I have not met him and I'm not ready too , I never expected her to find someone so quickly she said she wanted to travel stay single it's the last think I expected it's so not in her character , I don't know it's hard for me to understand how she forgot him so quickly , just cry and take it day by day it gets better this too shall pass

 

[catdog32]

Thanks so much for listening! I am feeling better now....I am trying not to think about it too much. I still feel bad for my daughter now that she has to see him everyday at school with another girl. I dread when she comes home from school, wondering if she has been upset during the day. I tried to warn her this could happen if she broke up with him in an attempt to get him to change. I asked her if she wanted to reconcile with him, and she said she didn't, so I am focusing on trusting her judgment and supporting her in ways to get through the end of the school year. I am looking forward to the summer when she won't have to see him everyday, and hopefully by the time school starts it will be a thing of the past. I really think I am feeling this so much, because I don't have any control over the situation and that is hard. But I have to trust her judgment and her ability to recover. I think in the future, I won't get as attached. Hope you are feeling better too!!

 

[connie1966]

I hope your daughters ok, he moved on quickly so there's no use missing him, she will find the right one for her soon enough , and yes do not get too attached lol I'm still missing him everyday unfortunately , maybe once I hear he found someone to love him and make him forget the hurt il feel better

 

[bdcraw]

Catdog,
You seem to be feeling much of what we have all felt or still feel to some degree. I can only say again that it does get better with time. The young man in my daughter's life will always be special to me and I accept that, along with the reality that he won't be a part of our lives. She continues to thrive and I have to believe that he is doing the same. If for no other reason than enough time has passed for him. I, too, will be happy if I learn that he has found someone else but I may never know when that happens. I only know that it will, for both of them. In the time since the break up my daughter has met many new friends and is enjoying life as a single. She even had an opportunity to travel abroad. Something she can check off her new bucket list (I love that the movie has made this a common term!) Your daughter (and her ex-boyfriend) no doubt have a very exciting future ahead of them. There will be other challenges and we as moms will feel the bumps in the road right all along with our children. That control thing is slippery slope for all of us. I felt so helpless in the breakup (no one asked me what I wanted!! lol) That letting go is a tough deal. Good luck to you. I hope it helps knowing that you are not alone in your feelings about this situation

 

[bdcraw]

Ironically, I was going thru some old photos when the latest post on this thread appeared. Because Microsoft Windows is no longer supporting XP, I've been backing up photos onto a flash drive. I've got 4 years worth of photos from this relationship and I don't think I'll be deleting them anytime soon, if ever. They are a part of my daughter's past, after all, along with so many special family events. But seeing them has rekindled some saddness and left me feeling nostalgic once again. Just a reminder that there will still be some tough days. But I also smile when I think how this young man used to laugh when photos of the high school boyfriend popped up on my screen saver. I had no strong emotional connection to that boy but, again, he was a part of some important moments in my daughter's high school years. Maybe the next boyfriend will be as forgiving.

 

[countrydream7]

it is a step stone in life we all go thru it hard at times, but we heal and move on...better they find out now than later

 

[connie1966]

your absolutely right

 

[seektravel]

I am new to the group and I noticed no one has posted since April of this year. I was hoping to get some support during this time. I am devastated that my son has decided to break up with his girlfriend after 10 years. They are only 24 (met at age 14) I am VERY close with her. We shared many family vacations, and important events together and she was a big part of the family. I cried for days. I feel like I went through the break up. He broke up for a reason I can totally understand. He met her young and never experienced what normal teens and young adults have and now he wants too since he said he has been unhappy the last 2 years just didn't know how to break up.

I feel like the monkey in the middle because I love them both so much. I did contact her by text to tell her I am thinking of her and love her. She did respond but I could see she is absolutely devastated. I feel horrible.

I am starting to worry, get anxious and depressed and sad over this. Its a roller-coaster of emotions!

Advice? Deb

 

[connie1966]

The only advice I can give you is take it day by day the pain lessens with time , I still miss my son on law everyday and still cry so I'm no help! She has moved on she has a boyfriend now she seems happy I personally don't want to know him at this point it's almost 11 months now and I'm still mourning him