Well....My wife passed away

[Spookwriter]

Been a long hard year on us as a family, and I guess it ended with my wife passing away January 11th, 2016.

I think I called Em from the hospital. I know I've talked to her several times lately.

In the end, it was a heart attack, and life was over too quick. We had been in the hospital for a while. Spent Christmas there with her. Barb was in the hospital, ICU, almost a month the last time. She had been in for two weeks just before that.

Going on a month now, and I'm as lost now as I was that night.

For anyone that knew me, or read some of my posts, I made a lot of
jokes about my wife. Not just here online, but in real life. I made those jokes. We've loved and laughed since being kids together. A thousand memories. A lifetime.

She was special to me, the center of my world. And she knew that...I always treated her that way. I remember the day I met her...first day of school in the tenth grade. I sat behind her in English class. Never looked at another girl after that. Wasn't no use. She was that light in my life, that spark that made it all worthwhile.

I would ride my bike to her house after school. Her dad would load me up in his old pickup and drive me home after dark.She lived in town, I lived on a farm out in the county. I would ride my bike there, we would walk downtown to the movies, maybe share an ice cream on the way home.

I got a kick out of that right up till the end...we always sat in the same corner booth when we could. Old habits and all, we still went to the same old place, still sat beside each other and shared our banana splits. Just something we always did.

Lost without her doesn't even begin to describe where I'm at. Sleeping a few hours a night if I sleep at all. Most of that's on the couch. That bedroom is awful lonely these days. I can't stand rolling over at night and her not being there. Home isn't home without her.

I didn't see this coming. She was supposed to get well. We we going to grow old together. She was only 58, and it was over too soon.

And to those of you who still have that wife, or husband, or children, whoever it is you love, treasure every day. Never miss that chance to tell them you love them or make that day special.

I stand before you, and tell you, it's over in a blink. One heartbeat, one breath.

Make the days count.


Spook

 

[DennisK]

I've been away from BYC for a while, and today, checking in to see what was going on, I came across your post. It hit me with an all too familiar feeling. My true love passed away back in 2005. Like yours, she was a girl form my childhood. Your post was made in February; so I know you are still in quite a bit of pain, and there is nothing anyone can say to lessen it. All we can do is reach out to let you know that you are not alone. You mentioned family; so I'm glad you have that. They may become even more important to you as time goes on. Over time, you may want to find someone to take her place, but that can never happen as we are all so very different and the love you have for your late wife is as unique as she …. is. Although no one will be able to take her place, there may be someone to add to your life. We are capable of loving someone else in a way that is as unique as that person is unique. Give it time.
It is all apart of life's nature that of any couple, one will say goodbye and the other will be left behind. You and I have been left behind, but one day, we will follow the ones we love. The thought of that gives me comfort.

 

[seahawke]

I too lost my soul-mate way too young. He was 14 1/2 years older than me. He was 55 years old, a Vietnam vet who served on Force Recon. He died from Agent Orange. But was unable to prove it even thou the doctor told us thats why he is dieing.
He has been gone now for over 13 years. I raised our daughters without him...
I threw up for three years after he passed. He was my life. And for him I rasied our girls. Took me 8 1/2 years and my eldest daughter making me go out on a date to be able to move on, and with Gods help. I am still dating this same man today. If you like me you will never understand why they passed too soon.
I treasure my memories, blessed that my one daughter looks like her father.
I TOO COULD NOT SLEEP IN OUR BED for a long time. Then when I could I had and could only sleep on his side.
I still and will always miss him. I except God dession, even thou I do not understand why.
I did get very upset with myself for being so sad.
I lost my soulmate. But he got the gift of Heaven.
someday I will see, hold, and be with him again.
I know he is doing good. Had too many things happen that only God did when he was dieing and after he died that no one can say God was not with us. He, as in God, was carring me and my family through.
My favorite poem is "Footprints in the Sand"
Many and I mean many times he carried me like he is carring you now.
trust God
many prayers and hugs sent to you.

 

[rrrmamma]

Spook, I haven't been on in over a year. I lost my beloved husband, Doug, July 4th 2014. I don't know if you still follow this post but I had to respond. When my Mom died you sent me some really comforting words. I wish I had words to comfort you. He has been gone two years and while I have to function daily to run the farm that was our dream there are days when I just don't think I can go on. They come with longer intervals in between, but they still come. A sound, a song, a scent. All bring the pain back. But then I try to remember the laughter, the joy and the love and put one foot in front of the other and go on. It does get better, but it is hard to see that sometimes. I am available to talk any time day or night. My heart goes out to you my friend. You will survive even if you don't think you want to. PM me if you want to talk.

Deb

 

[JensChickies]

I found this a while back, and I saved it just because maybe one day it would be useful. I am sorry for your loss, sometimes there are no words to explain. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Wisher1000]

That's it! That's what I read! Thank you for posting it, my memory of it was not real accurate and not nearly as polished. I'm glad you all can now read it for yourselves.

 

[Spookwriter]

I've gone back and read this thread more that a
few times.

I've not responded because I just don't know the
words to say.

There simply are none.

Am I better?

No. I'm not.

It's a hurt that won't let up. I don't know the last time
I slept all night. Long time ago. I wake up at night and
she's not there, and I'm done sleeping.

I get up and set in the chair by our bed.

And I miss her brand new.

A few times, when it was warm enough, I've went to
the cemetery to spend the night.

I've went out to eat, without her. And I've left it on the
table. Not eating right. Don't feel like making anything
harder than a sandwich.

Since I was a boy...long before I became a man...she
was the center of my world. She was all there was. And
I'm lost without her. Just lost.

Everything we did, we did together. I can't even go to the
grocery store without hurting. I'll see someone I know, they'll
ash where Barb is...IF you saw one of us, you saw both.
And I'll have to explain that Barb passed away.

I know that part of my life is over. I got that.

But knowing it in my mind doesn't make it any easier in my
heart.

So no. Not doing good. Even Em will tell you, I'm not talking.
I may type. But not talking much. Nothing to say.

I'm hurt. I'm hurting deep. A pain no doctor can heal.

I need time. Don't know how much time. Don't know what kind
of person I'll be when I get beyond this.

I just need time to heal.

Spook

 

[User395221]

Just so you know that while you deal with this loss, there are people who feel your pain and wish they could take it away and make things right again for you.

 

[EggSighted4Life]

Dear Spook,

Though I don't know you well, I have read many of your truly insightful posts. I don't expect you to respond, just want to say... Sorry for what may be the biggest loss in your life. No words will heal your hurt. When they say "time heals all wounds", I don't buy it. It may eventually help the pain fade but the scar remains forever, sometimes getting inflamed. I hope the day never comes when I have to face the loss of my hubby. Honestly I worry about it all the time since he travels 5 hours each way through the mountains to get home from work every other week, often in the pouring rain. So I can appreciate your point to treasure every moment you have together. For me the loss of a spouse is much greater than that of say your parents (no offense to those who lost parents). Your spouse is the person you CHOSE to spend your life with and they chose you. Someone you can count on, who will always have your back and defend you. We grow up knowing that we will leave our parents one day. But we decided to commit to our spouses until death do we part. We just never really expect that to happen and certainly not to be the one left behind.

I cried for you. I cried for your loss. Even though I may be a late comer, I have much compassion and empathy for what you are going through. I encourage you that while your pain is excruciating, your TRULY BELOVED WIFE is no longer in any pain. I grieve with you while remembering to celebrate your wife's life.

While I wish I knew what to say, sometimes it's best to say nothing and just be there. Sorry if as a stranger I am making you uncomfortable, but I will listen if you need me to. No advice, no judgement. Just compassion!

Sincerely,
~Alyssa

 

[Pork Pie]

What a desperately sad, but beautiful post - it sure brought tears to my eyes. I hope that the love and support from your family and those that knew your wife will help you through what must be the saddest time of your life.

My thoughts are with you.

Very best wishes

CT