A chicken walks into a library and hops up on the help counter. The librarian, who is bored and in a playful mood, says, “May I help you?” The chicken replies, “Booook, book book boooook.” A bit taken aback, the librarian grabs a random book from one of the shelves and sets it on the counter before the chicken, who picks it up in her beak and leaves the library.
Half an hour later, the chicken returns, places the book in the book return drop, and jumps on the counter again, saying, “Boooook, book book booook.” Nonplussed, the librarian retrieves another book at random, which the chicken carries out of the library. Another half hour goes by, and the chicken returns the book. Hopping up on the counter, the chicken again says, “Boooook, book book boooook.” The librarian hands the chicken the book, but this time, her curiosity is piqued. She follows the chicken down the road to a nearby park, and to a small decorative pond. The chicken drops the book on the shore of the pond and says, “Booook, book book boooook.” In response, a frog jumps out of the water, scans the title, and says, “Rrrrrrrread it.”
Q. What side of a chicken has the most feathers?
A. The outside.
Q. What dance will a chicken never do?
A. The foxtrot.
The old red rooster was standing on the fence, crowing his heart out, when he saw the farmer’s truck pulling up the driveway. Shortly thereafter, a young rooster came strutting toward the chicken run. Hopping down, the old rooster intercepted the youngster, said, “Hold it, young fella. Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m the new rooster around here, and I’m going to go see about pleasing those hens in there.”
“You’ve gotta get past me first, junior,” said the old rooster. Seeing the youngster puffing up his chest, he quickly continued, “How about a race from here to that old oak tree?”
“Done,” said the young rooster. “Matter of fact, I’m feeling so good, I’ll give you a five-second head start.”
So they took off, the old red rooster in the lead, the young rooster gaining on him. As they ran past the front porch, the farmer got up, aimed his shotgun, and shot the young rooster stone dead. His wife, hearing the shot, came out and asked, “What happened, dear?”
Cursing under his breath, the farmer grumbled, “That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”
Q. What happened to the chicken who ate cement?
A. She laid a sidewalk.
Q. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A. If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
A man walked into a psychologist’s office and said, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks she’s a chicken. She’s been like this for six years.”
The psychologist asked, “Why are you just now coming to me with this?”
The man replied, “Well, the eggs are delicious.”
Q. Why do chickens lay eggs?
A. Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Q. Why did the rooster file for divorce?
A. He was tired of being henpecked.
A representative from KFC went to the Vatican and offered the Pope $1 million if he would change the wording of the Lord’s Prayer to “Give us this day our daily chicken,” instead of “Give us this day our daily bread.” The Pope refused, and a week later, the man returned, offering $10 million if he would change it. The Pope again refused, and the man was not heard from for a month. He returned, offering $50 million, and this time, the Pope relented.
The next day, the Vatican’s head accountant went to the pope and said, “Your Holiness, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, the check from KFC cleared. The bad news is, we’ve lost the Wonder Bread account.”