Ok brand new article sorry for being annoying 😉

MY CLUCKING ANGELS
PART ONE





So this is going to be a VERY difficult article to write. I wanted to document EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING, that has to do with the first year of getting my chickens and starting my homestead. Also, I wanted to document all my emotions and all the trials and tribulations that I went through during this time. I’m going to let everyone in on one of my secrets, I have bipolar 2 disorder and PTSD, and a severe depression disorder as well. For as long as I can remember I have always felt different and processed emotions differently than anyone around me. To this day I always feel like an outsider and a black sheep in my family. I had a very traumatic childhood and something happened to me at the age of 9 that completely changed me as a person I have been trying to deal with this trauma since I finally came out and told my parents at the age of 25. That was 7 years ago and to this day I have nightmares and flashbacks. I'm sure you want to know what happened I'm not going to put it in the article just for sensitive reasons, but I'm sure you're a smart person and can piece together what traumatic incident could happen to a 9-year-old little girl. I suffered alone with what happened on top of other terrible things like my dad was a raging alcoholic who beat me and my brother and the emotionally unavailable mom who picked her job over the safety of her children. So let’s just say I had to grow up very fast. Now let’s skip past all this pain and move on to the age of 15 at this time I started to feel blue and I cried sometimes all day long and I wanted to just die I felt like I wasn’t good enough to live. Told my mom she took me to the doctor and she diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety proscribed prosaic
And suggested I seek counseling. So we did as my doctor said go and about a month later I felt better I didn’t have crying episodes anymore and days when I felt so sad wear not as frequent but my family has this nasty habit of pointing out another’s family members flaws and using it as a joke of some kind. So my grandmother would always tell my mom and me “ why are you even taking what she says seriously you know she’s overly dramatic now she is going to act over the top because a doctor said she is depressed” my mother never stuck up for me and if I said anything I was over the top. So let’s fast forward it when I’m 28 I have one divorce under my belt and I was engaged to my current husband for YEARS so let’s just say I was a little jaded about marriage and having children. I got hit with terrible depression and I  did try to take my life thankfully I didn’t succeed. I got the help I needed and in the process found out I was bipolar 2 and about my depression disorder, the PTSD blindsided me. For once in my life, I felt heard and helped by a doctor and got proscribed the proper meds. I married my current husband and went back and got my GED and even got a college diploma. Now let’s get chickens! My dad just passed away this past march from esophagus cancer. And even after my crappy childhood, I was very close to my dad so this devastated me and to this day I still cry once a day. So I felt empty and needed something to keep me busy. So I’m a huge South Park fan on an episode called cock magic the characters play a card game called magic and they buy a chicken to play the game and the chicken's name was McNuggets. I found a wind-up peep that was in my daughter's Easter basket and messed with my cat with it and I named it nuggets. After a while I got to thinking about really getting a chicken I’m the kind of gal who overdoes my research so I read every internet article and checked out almost every farm book From my local library. So I was ready to execute my chicken plan. So I got on Craigslist and the 3rd ad was an ad for pullets so I clicked on it and the very photo was these black half peach fuzz and other half feathers. I had to get a couple so after messaging this lady for a week I met her in the next town over. She handed me a shoe box I got into the car with my husband I brought with me a plastic tub with a blanket from home. I opened the shoe box up and two dirty chicks started to cheep at me and it was love at first sight. I desired chicken and McNuggets for names. My husband and I set their broader box and heat lamp up my husband customized their box and we kept them in our bedroom so I could be close to them. From day one I loved taking care of them getting up early to change their water and food to cleaning their box every day. Then I started to take them outside in a makeshift playpen in the daytime so they could get used to the outside when it was time to go in their big girl coup. I got my girls in July at this time I noticed a change in my husband he started to become distant and just not acting as he does toward me. He would leave for hours at a time and be always on his phone and I caught him in quite a few lies. So I’m now dealing with my dad passing away and the only support system I have was starting to mentally check out. I started to feel all those old depression symptoms coming back from my childhood. My PTSD was the worst it has ever been I saw a therapist 3 times a week and a psychiatrist once a month. I was lost I felt like I had no one so I started spending more and more time with my chickens at first I was kind of scared of them as they got bigger. Then I started saying my chickens love me I noticed when I was with them I didn’t think about all the bad or negative things going on in my life at this time. It was summer I wasn’t laying in bed I was up and outside all day being productive. After my husband built their terrible coup ( I’ll write about that in a different story) I was
Out there from sun up till sundown getting it ready for the girls. I started to feel better like the best I have ever felt! I was staying busy and productive I stop seeing my therapist 3 times a week and was down to once every 2 weeks