!3 year old, IPod, School and what to do...

Okay here is the story...give me your thoughts, advice, suggestions....

DD is 13 and was given an IPod Touch last year for 12th BD from her Grandparents (my ex's family) and she has been repeatedly told NOT to take it to school and read the student handbook which clearly stated "only on special occasions shall electronics be allowed". These special occasions were things like rewards "electronic lunch" for example. For good behavior, grades and etc they were allowed to bring their electronics with them for their lunch period with a pass from their teacher.

Well, she has continually broken our rule about keeping it at home. So far she has to place it on the counter before she leaves for school, had it taken away for 3 months, and just recently, since moving to Kentucky, she was caught taking it to school and Dad told her that he was about to the point of taking a sledge hammer to it and being done with it. So she has been leaving it at home.

Yesterday she comes home with another IPod that belonged to a friend who asked her to charge it for her and return it to her on the bus today. So, she has her friend's IPod, listening to it and walking home....my DH comes back home and nearly hits her coming over a blind hill and she never heard the vehicle coming because she had it up loud and was wearing earphones.

So, we both explode and tell her it stays with us until the child or her parent calls us to let us know that is okay for DD to have it, are they aware it is being passed around etc etc. And that it was our intent to get this information from her parents. This evening, the child calls and we were out but she leaves a message. DD says "Okay see she called about her IPod so I can take it back to her tomorrow". We were saying "No, we need to speak to her and the parents" Then all heck broke loose.

DD says "You said her or her parents call...she called so what is the problem now?" Well DH was totally ticked off and amazingly, I was relatively calm LOL. So we send her backside to her room with the understanding that we still must speak to the parents. We are sticking ot our guns on this point.

I get this funny feeling and ask DH to go upstairs and ask her where her IPod touch is. She tells him, she does not know and he tells her to find it and bring it to me. Seconds later she comes downstairs and says "It is in my backpack which is in my locker at school".

So...the rule has been broken yet again. Neither of us really want to destroy something she was given as a gift, had we bought it for her it would have long ago met a hammer. So, our options, as we see them at this point are:

1. Put it under the hammer;
2. Take it and return it to her Grandparents with an explanation as to why she cannot have it any longer;
3. Take control of it and only allow her to listen to it and use it when we see fit to allow her to, when, where, how long etc etc and keep it with us at all other times;
4. Take it and ground her until she turns 20!

So, let me hear from you all....I am adding a poll to this post as well to make it easier

I would keep it under lock and key until she gets the message, just because it's hers doesn't mean she can disobey your rules.
ETA: not to mention the school's rules.

I vote #3.

I would upload some songs you like on it, and use it yourself.

# 3 for sure. No sense in breaking a valuable piece of electronics. Try a system where she has to check it out and check in it to you, if she earns it in the future. I think I would confiscate it for the time being.

I used to always make my boys do research projects pertinent to their situation. Maybe DD would be enlightened by doing some research? My boys, to this day (in their 30s) still talk about the knowledge they gained (though begrudgingly) from those projects. I kept a few of their essays, and returned them to the boys when they had their children.

Does she understand that she could have been killed???? Scary thought there!

Oh I sooooo went through this same thing with my son who is 12. His ipod is now in my dresser drawer where it will remain until he re-earns my trust. Pleading, begging, promising, crying, moaning, groaning, you name it I get it.......but nope it isn'y his anymore because he is obviously not responsible enough to use it properly, and if it is such an addiction to him that it causes him to lie and be deceitful and break a given rule then he does not need it until he can prove himself not to be that kind of person. I would take it from her indefinately and remind her you love her and care for her feelings but if the ipod is that much of a temptation to cause her bad behavior and deceitfulness then she is not showing maturity or good decision making skills and the temptation must be removed because that is what parents are there for.....to help us learn just because we want does not mean we get. Oh I am glad to see I am not the only one with this issue!!!!

This isn't about the Ipod, this is about her testing boundaries. As long as it is in her possession she will use it as she sees fit until you take it away completely. Whether you keep it or send it back, remove it from her possession. I'm almost willing to bet she will find another way to push you for now. It's a hard age to work with.

I swear to all that is holy that she makes me crazy some days....killed? What by Dad? No way. I said NO NOT BY DAD BUT BY THE IDIOT THAT DID NOT SEE YOU IN TIME. Dad knew you should be walking home about that time and was going slowly you complete nitwit!

I like the research project idea.

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I do the exact same thing. Kind of like the teen drinking and driving thing they do with the state patrol here. Show the kids some of the photos from really bad accidents involving drinking and driving. Makes them see things from a different perspective.

Kate you are so right. I know it is a difficult time for her...been there myself HOWEVER that does not mean she can slide on breaking the rules. That I still must deal with and again and again as she tests me.

She is also ubber moody right now and I expect her to be the sweet loving kid she usually is another 4 - 5 days....then I am good for 28 days. LOL