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... "I think I had a feather up my nose" is a valid excuse for sneezing. ... you've ever rocked a hen on you lap and sung, "Soft chooky, warm chooky, little ball of fluff; sleepy chooky, broody chooky, cluck, cluck, cluck," in order to induce broodiness.

... you have not one but five plastic dog kennels on the back verandah for use by broody hens, which you refer to as "the maternity ward".

... you have a table in your living room dedicated solely to the sorting of eggs. ... and another for the two 48-egg incubators. ... your mother says to you, "We need to find some more customers for these eggs... again." ... you look at the three dozen eggs you've just brought in and...

...when you actually know how to say, “I have a lot of chickens” in Scottish Gaelic. For those who are curious, it’s "Tha 'n mòran cearcean agam." (Ha n more-un kyurruk-un akkum).

You know you're addicted to raising backyard chickens if... ... you've ever said, "Mum, the dead one-legged chick is wrapped in toilet paper on top of the incubator. Could you ask Dad to bury it, please?"

You know you're addicted to raising backyard chickens when... ... You spend almost three whole days mucking out coops, and you're still only halfway through. ... You take an hour to write down and draw a map of where all your chickens are and how you're going to shuffle them around to make...

You mean they don't understand me? *lip quivering and eyes watering*

You know you're addicted to raising backyard chickens when... ... The staff at not one but two grain and fodder shops know you and greet you by name. ... You're a member on a forum called "Backyard Chickens". ... You check on said forum every morning. ... You spend five hours building...

You know you're addicted to raising backyard chickens when... ... You start referring to your mother as 'grandma' around your chooks. ... You find one girl huddled in a forlorn, cold, wet, and muddy heap in the morning because it's the bottom of the pecking order and was thrown out of the...

You know you're addicted to raising backyard chickens when... ... The first thing you do in the morning, before even feeding yourself, is going outside to feed the chickens. ... You have nine chicks living inside and still bring three more in at night because you're afraid they'll get to...

You know you're addicted to raising backyard chickens when... ... You decide that you want to start a chicken-raising business for your sixteenth birthday... and three months later you count *your* chickens and realise you have 37. ... You go for your first riding lesson and find that there...

You know you're addicted to raising backyard chickens when... ...You take a chicken in to church... and no-one comments about how odd that is... And the next week, someone else has their chicken with them. ...You become known as "The Chicken Girl" by the younger children in your...