I'm writing a story.

2011
Guardian Angel

Ch.1

The alarm rang and I got up.
I was sweating.
It had been hot and humid last night, and my pajamas were stuck to my skin. My hair was frizzy, and my blankets were soaked with sweat.
I got up to wake up my vicery, Lena for school.
Vicerys are the half human, half angel people angels have been sworn to watch over. They have the powers of nature, and they are a great addition to the angel community.
This was Lena's last day of school and like all the other days, I woke her up.
I went into the kitchen, and she followed, getting out the cheerios, and milk while I got the bowls and spoons.
When we were done eating, we went to our rooms to dress.
I wore jeans, and a t shirt as usual.
She wore khakis, and a white t shirt with a khaki vest.
She had her hair up in a ponytail, and a light brown scrunchy held it in place.
She picked up her bookbag before we went out back to leave.
"Are you ready, Jenna?" I asked my brunette friend, as I have been since I dropped her last week and almost broke her leg when she wasn't.
She wasn't very happy about that incedent.
"Yup." She said.
As soon as I heard the word, I spread my wings, feeling the wind beneath them, picking up a draft, and her as well, being careful to avoid any human eyes.
We flew over the human feilds quickly, and were near the school in no time.
I came down through the trees, and landed ten feet from the clearing behind the high school where the students eat lunch.
I watched Lena until she was inside, and then flew back up into the trees to wait for lunch period.
When the students came out to eat, I watched for lena, and when she came out, I watched for any sign of trouble.
All of a sudden, shooting pain covered my whole body.
My mouth became very hard, and my legs and arms felt .... different
The next thing I knew, I was falling off the branch i'd been sitting on. I tried to flap my wings, but they werent on my back anymore.
As soon as I hit the ground, I was out cold and when I came to, I was surrounded by human faces, and the face of, of course Lena.
"Liz?"Lena asked, suspecting it was me.
I got up. How does she not know its me?Then I realized I was already standing, and wasn't even as tall as her, and she was sitting.
I walked up to Lena, and cocked my head to look up at her. She whispered the word, "falcon," to me, and I couldn't believe it.
She was telling me that I had turned into my spirit bird.
Spirit birds are the birds of the angels. There is a different breed of spirit bird for each angel family. My family's spirit bird happens to be a falcon.
She held out her arm, and I stepped onto it. Acting like a trained falcon.
The humans acted as though they were entranced.
One asked , "Why didn't you tell us you had a falcon?"
To which Jenna responded, "I didn't. I just got her, James."

You're off to a good start.

First: More description, and longer chapters. They're so very short!
Second: Again, more description and take time to know your characters and their situations. Don't tell us how the angel's arms felt weird, tell us how the feeling coursed through her body like nothing she ever experienced, her arms suddenly going limp at the new sensation. Something like that.
Third: More description. Describe the actions. Describe the characters.
Fourth: Maybe give a name to your angel.
Fifth: Tell us more about your characters through your book.

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I honestly don't know what you meant is this better?

Somewhat... Here, I wrote a short story. It's far from perfect, but this is kind of what you should do when writing an actual story. Note the description, the dialogue, the relationship between my two characters... Try putting things like that in your stories.

Nice

I like it! Although there are a few things I noticed:
• There were a few grammar errors(I don't think anyone else would notice it)
• The chapter are very short.
• There is definitely room to write more. Like some backstory.
• Descriptive language.
• Show how the angel feels and thinks a bit more.
• Instead of 'my brunette friend', you could say 'my energetic brunette friend' or 'my loyal brunette friend'(You may not want to do this, it's just an idea)
• Similies and metaphors are your friends!

Quote:
I know the chapters are short, but I was in a hurry.But if you look at it, the pages of this site are bigger than the pages of a book.

It was a good start. But I think you need to focus more on their connection, and less on what they're wearing

But like I said, good start.

ETA: I agree with PK: