➡I accidentally bought Balut eggs: 2 live ducks! Now a Chat Thread!

[ShrekDawg]

Just because someone else your same age is at that stage in their journey through life doesn't mean you need to be as well. It's not a competition. You aren't "behind" or "ahead" of anyone. Don't feel pressured to be in a relationship because it's expected. That's not fair to yourself or the significant other, and will result in unhappiness. Wait for the right one.

Also, examine your goals. Short term (within 1-2 years) and longer term (5-10 years). Actually write them down and think through the steps you should take to get there. Are they actual goals or just daydreams? Do these goals allow for or require a significant other? Work on improving yourself, and learn new skills. If you work on improving yourself and becoming happier with who you are, that happiness and confidence will help attract the significant other who is right for you.

Wow this is really good advice. Thank you.

 

[Sara L]

Wow this is really good advice. Thank you.

I am serious about the improving yourself thing. A lot of people search for a significant other and have this whole list of requirements, but don't spend a second thinking about themselves and whether they might meet the requirements of the other person. So when they finally find "the one" that they've decided fits the requirements, they get disappointed when "the one" doesn't see them in the same light.

 

[R2elk]

I am serious about the improving yourself thing. A lot of people search for a significant other and have this whole list of requirements, but don't spend a second thinking about themselves and whether they might meet the requirements of the other person. So when they finally find "the one" that they've decided fits the requirements, they get disappointed when "the one" doesn't see them in the same light.

I learned a long time ago that the women that would put up with me were the kind of women that I wouldn't put up with. The kind of women that I would put up with would not put up with me.

 

[ShrekDawg]

I am serious about the improving yourself thing. A lot of people search for a significant other and have this whole list of requirements, but don't spend a second thinking about themselves and whether they might meet the requirements of the other person. So when they finally find "the one" that they've decided fits the requirements, they get disappointed when "the one" doesn't see them in the same light.

That makes total sense and I completely get where you’re coming from and agree to a point but at the same time, I’m not really the type to have a bunch of requirements or expect them to be perfect or whatever and hopefully they aren’t either and hopefully if they’re really the one, they’ll see past some of the imperfections/flaws/whatever.

I mean, obviously, I do need to improve a lot of things, most specifically dealing with the mental health stuff, it’s not fair to put that on somebody else, and of course being more productive/healthier/happier or whatever, and probably quite a few other things, definitely not ready for dating anytime soon, but at the same time, even with all those other flaws, the core like personality or whatever is still the same, I’m still “me”, and hopefully somebody, the right one, would be able to see that or whatever. Cause they either like me for me or they don’t and I don’t want to have to completely change who I am for somebody and I would never expect that from them either.

I know this is probably not at all what you meant but it’s just DB was dating someone for like 3 years before SIL and thought she was really great, and pretty sure he was in love or thought so haha everyone kept saying she was awful but he couldn’t see it. She was pretty rude to all of us and especially my mom but besides that, she was just really like controlling or whatever. Always told him what to wear/made him dress a certain way, kinda preppy or something that’s totally not him, and made him shave his chest, and just all this kinda weird stuff, kinda acted like he was her little doll or something, and also was just horrible personality too hah

So I just don’t wanna end up like that, with someone super controlling or whatever or having to completely totally change myself for someone or whatever or, possibly worse, change myself/put on a front to make someone like me but then if/when I fall back on the real me, they no longer like me and leave or something.

I’m probably way overthinking this as usual.

Sure you probably just meant like in general or specifically self improvement or bettering myself for me or whatever but I do think it’s a fine line between that and totally changing who I am for somebody.

Some change or compromise or whatever is normal and to be expected. Like SIL used to be like a total health freak when they first met and still somewhat is, buys mostly organic and stuff like that, but the occasional pizza or dessert or whatever isn’t a big deal now, whereas she never ate that before haha but DB ate horribly before so they’ve kind of compromised now. He eats much healthier than he did usually but she’s more chill than she was lol I think that’s normal.

But stuff like completely changing his style or personality or whatever I’m not sure is.

But sorry, now I’m just rambling on.

To clarify, I do see your point and know what you meant, but I just think it’s kind of an interesting discussion or whatever or like exactly where the lines are drawn haha

Probably only interesting to me.

And while we’re at it, are we talking only self improvement/personality traits or does this list usually include physical traits or?

Cause I’m not really big on looks either.

I’m much more into just “clicking” with people. Even if you don’t end up dating them, you can usually tell pretty fast if you click with/like someone or not haha

My cousin met her husband like freshman year of high school and they knew instantly but they didn’t get married right away and even had a period of separation/seeing other people in college but they always knew the other was “the one” and finally got married 7 years ago after having known each other and dated off and on for 10 years. Now they have a house and two kids and are incredibly happy. I do think sometimes you just “know” and if it’s meant to be, it will be.

My aunt and uncle, that cousin’s parents, are also high school sweethearts.

But of course that fairy tale ending thing doesn’t happen for everybody or so early, my parents didn’t get married and start having kids till they were like 30s or close to it.

I do think I will work on myself a while though before I start dating anyone or having kids or whatever.

I do kind of worry though that by the time I finally do meet someone and am ready, that I will be too old to have kids.

 

[ShrekDawg]

I learned a long time ago that the women that would put up with me were the kind of women that I wouldn't put up with. The kind of women that I would put up with would not put up with me.

That stinks

 

[R2elk]

That stinks

It is why I live alone.

 

[ShrekDawg]

It is why I live alone.

Better than forcing each other to change into something you’re not I suppose. But must get lonely sometimes?

 

[R2elk]

But must get lonely sometimes?

That is what animals are for.

 

[sdm111]

Better than forcing each other to change into something you’re not I suppose. But must get lonely sometimes?

don't ever try to change for someone, ever!

 

[ShrekDawg]

That is what animals are for.

Hm good point. Tbh I’d rather than hang out with my animals than people most days anyway.