Kuntrygirl-- I know you are still working on the first processing step. HOnestly the first time I worked on butchering a pig I had an emotional breakdown. I've not raised a pig since. With the lambs, I loaded them on a truck with my emotions on hold, pushed them off the truck to a holding pen, and pick up the white packages a week later. ANd the same with the turkeys the first time: drop off turkeys and pick up meat..
It has been a 30 year process . . . . . you however don't have 30 years to get up to speed. Sorry to say ,you have about 6 weeks . . . . maybe.
If you are like me, I have an emergency mode where my emotions get shoved into a corner and I deal with the process at hand. I have somehow survived seeing my sons knee smashed open having fallen on a rock, and limiting myself to closing my eyes for a moment and declaring firmy we need to go the emergency room for stitches. THat is the same mode I go into during the killing. ANd I thank each one, and say a prayer. IT is how I cope with . . . this. Perhaps you can focus on the process, create a quota to meet to help focus on the goal of getting thisjob done before dark THey were made to be eaten. You know they are GOod quality food. VERY good quality food.