16 yr old toooo big for his britches!!!!!!

[countrygirl4513]

Just need to vent any parental advice would be appreciated.
My 16 yr old son, who happens to be "in love" is driving me INSANE!!!! He is basically a good kid. But full of vinegar and disrespect! The most recent episode this morning. We've been allowing him to ride to school w'his girlfriend and her mom. It helps on mileage for us, and I pick them up in the afternoon and drop her off.
Recently the girlfriend got her license. My son has his permit but we feel he is too recklous to be on his own as of now. Her mom lets her drive. I told him she was too inexperienced to be driving them both to school w'out supervision. And in no way was he to ride with her. Well this morning we met her step dad and a passenger pulling out. I couldn't tell it was her MOM! My son of course doesn't see the sense in calling me to tell me till after he was at school. He had ample time to call me before I got too far down the road, but he chose not to. I of course tear into him over the phone. He says "well we made it ok" Not the point I tell him. Ya'll had this premeditated and you deliberatly disobeyed and disrespected me and my instructions.
This child is constantly trying my sanity

. He is not the normal type teen. He's T-1 diabetic, insulin dependent, he recently had heart surgery. And he does NOT take care of himself. Not to mention how far the relationship has gone at such a tender age. He's lied to us numerous times and it seems he only cares about this girl. I ask him how can he care for someone else when he can't even take care of his own health?! He thinks he is all grown up, you know "a man". I keep telling him he don't know squat. Being a man isn't what he's thinking at all!!
Sorry to be so long winded

. I'm trying to calm down and keep myself from choking him when I see him this evening. But I am FED UP!

Any words of wisdom for me before I do him bodily harm?

 

[ksacres]

It's not legal for a newly licensed driver to be driving ANY other minors...

 

[WalkingWolf]

What works for one parent may not work for another. Try sitting him down and talking to him. Set out a set of rules for him and if he breaks them he can no longer see this girl.

Now just outright banning him from the girl won't work, cause he will see her anyway. But maybe you can use her to your advantage. Her parents may have a different outlook to once you explain that they are liable if something should happen to him while she is driving. I would draw up a legal paper for them to sign that they accept responsibility if your son is injured while she is driving. Now legally this paper will probably would not mean squat because they are already liable. But it will get your point across.

 

[WalkingWolf]

Quote:
I believe that is the rule for most states but not sure how universal it is.

 

[Hoosiermomma]

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice b/c I have one of my own here (16 yr old) who's very similar only he doesn't have the 'love' thing going for him. Thank God! Mine only has ADD that I know of but he has a horrible temper. I wonder where he got that from...

I don't know about yours but physically he is comparable to a grown man 6'2" almost 200 lbs but his emotional maturity certainly has a lot of catching up to do. Teenagers like to push their limits, test the waters. I agree with the whole loss of privelege thing but what do you do when there aren't any privileges to be lost? I have started compiling a list of rewards so to speak for mine for when they do what they are told when they are told. I am going to see how that goes.
As far as the driving situation, in our state I believe that have raised the driving age to 18. I think that starts in January so am I dragging my feet letting my son get his permit.

Teenagers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Raising them has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world. Sorry I couldn't be of any help. I can only empathize with you.

 

[SarahFair]

Ya. Id have a bored cop sitting at the end of the street ready to get them. Just tell him that.

 

[baltimoreharps]

first off, take a breath, and try to calm down a bit.

As a mom of a 17 yr. old T-1 who doesn't take care of himself either, I SO understand what you're going through right now!! It sounds to me that ds needs to have some priviledges taken away, asap, until he can show you some respect and start taking better care of himself with his blood sugars and with his heart.
We had to do that with our oldest, and he still doesn't have his permit to drive. His endo put her foot down with signing off on his safety to drive with his sugars so out of control he would be a danger to others on the road. He goes back next month to see how his A1-C is going to be, and if it's down to where it should be, then she'll think about it. This has taken a LONG time to get him to the point where he's taking responsibility for his health. (Since he was 14 and hit that "I'm invincible" teen stage.

With the disrespect and the lying, what our therapist suggested with ds was to start taking priviledges away. For our son, it was no internet, no phone calls and no going out with friends to do anything until he stopped trying to act like the lord of the manor.
With your ds planning this out and not acting like the lying and going behind your back isn't a big deal, you bet that I'd make it a very big deal to him, starting with no more rides to school with his girlfriend for a while. (I'm a mean mom, I'd just cut out any contact with the gf until he would show some respect for his parents, but that's just me, lol.

)

Sorry this is so long, I totally feel for you, countrygirl!!

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
Great idea!! Sometimes a "higher authority" is the answer.

 

[Wifezilla]

When kids get like this at this age...one way to deal with it is to strip everything down to the basics. Clean out all electronics from their room, take away cell phones, ipods, etc... strip their room down to a mattress on the floor and 1 pillow...clothes...leave them only the essentials for about 3 days.

If they want things back, they have to EARN THEM. You are required by law to give them food, clothing and shelter. Anything else is a BONUS and if they do not appreciate what you are doing, the extras are GONE!

If he wants to get his license, he had better shape up or you will not let him use YOUR car again. EVER.

If none of this works, then let him know that if he is so grown he doesn't feel the need to follow your rules in your house, you tell him he needs to become emancipated.

 

[Cetawin]

Find out for sure what the law in your state is...most states make it illegal for a newly permitted (first year) to drive with an unlicensed, minor or other newly permitted passenger.

Then advise him if it is illegal.

Most importantly, this coming from a gal who was a single mom to a 6' 4" 16 year old, remind him that the rules are there and he best follow them or you can put the kabash on ALL extra curricular activites.

I am a strong "My way or the highway" type. I do not tolerate breaking my rules. If you break them, you pay the piper.

Good luck.