9 year old daughter and boys??? Aaaaahhhhh!!!

[jak2002003]

Don't worry and don't stress. Its all normal. Kids know a lot more that we like to think about sex. Its natural they will not want to talk about boyfriends and feelings with their parents (we were all like that). Its not because they are hiding things, but because they are embarrassed and fear the response from their parents (as they don' want them to be angry or disapointed with them).

Kids will be talking about all this stuff with each other and their close friends.

I think many people damage the relationship with their children by getting flustered and imposing rules (out of their own frustration) on their children, and this will make the kid just resentful and she will hide what she is doing (or not doing).

The best response (after the fact of life talk) is to (pretend) to take a step back. Let her know if she ever wants to share any problems you are there to listen and you will not get mad at her. Then leave it at that. The less you pressure her the more she will feel relaxed with you and more likely to open up to you with any questions.

I know is so hard as we are all very protective of our kids.

I have to agree with other posts that at her age it is likely to be just play and not real stuff going on. I remember us kids had girlfriend and boyfridns at school at this age. It was just holding hand, sneaky kissed behind the bushes and it was all exciting and fun. As long and the boy is a similar age to her there should be no problem.

 

[ThatChick]

Thanks for the good advice Jak. I was almost going to say that I never had a boyfriend at that age but I know I did and most of my childhood friends were boys... hah hah. It's nice to be reminded of what I should do before I screw up. That's why I try to not say anything to her right away because I usually take a minute to process stuff and come up with the right solution. Everyone has been real helpful.

By the way, I love the avatar pic of your roo crowing!

 

[jak2002003]

Thank you! He is being a real horror today though! A friend gave me a new rooster and hen. I have lots of other roosters in my flock and the new one had a little fight with them all and everything was sorted out quickly and he knew his place in the pecking order.

But that rooster in the pic - Rock, is the only one that will not stop fighting him. I have had to put poor Rock in a cage out of the run for now. Try again tomorrow. Sometimes chickens are as bad as kids too!

Glad to hear you are feeling less stressed now, and found all the comments helpful.

 

[4HDad]

Don't take this the wrong way, ThatChick, but your post made me chuckle a bit. My daughter is now 17 and your post brought back memories of when she first started getting attention from the boys.

You've received alot of great advice, but I would like to touch on a point I don't see mentioned. I would recommend sitting down with her and helping her understand that this attention is not likely to go away and help her find ways to deal with it. Some of the attention she may like, while some she won't. A main thing to remember is that the boys are trying to figure all of this out too. Sometimes they need help figuring out the boundaries as much as the girls do.

With my daughter we didn't do this until 5th grade when there was some attention she really didn't like. We sat down with her and defined different levels of attention and different levels of reaction. Each situation started with her taking steps to stop the behavior herself. Below is what we came up with, though you and your daughter may want to do this differently.

If someone is just hanging around and constantly talking to her and it is annoying, she should ask them to stop. If it continues then go the following steps until it stops: tell them to stop, get assistance from an adult in power (at school, a teacher or principal), us (her parents). If it needs to come to us we will go to the school and/or the other kids parents.

If someone is touching (shoulders, arms, head) in a way that makes her uncomfortable, she can do what is needed to get away and then go to an adult in power and move up from there.

If someone is touching her in an inappropriate area (areas that would be covered by a bikini) then she needs to do what she feels necessary to make that person aware that it stops now (this includes hitting, kicking, or even beating to a bloody pulp) and then explaining what happened to an adult. If she gets in trouble for over-reacting we would then take it up with whoever we need to.

 

[4HDad]

What I posted may seem a bit extreme, but we came to realize that not all kids (boys and girls) are taught limitations on there behavior. Also, not all of the issues kids face come from other kids the same age. I'll also say that we live in a rural, "safe" area.

Now, I have a beautiful 17 year old daughter that is not afraid to stand up for herself or seek help when it is needed. Through the years, she has not needed to go through the process of even seeking a teachers assistance more than once since the 5th grade incident. She has come to us and explained situations asking how she can better handle it and then has proceeded to correct the situation without any further assistance.

Basically, don't let these things scare you or make you decide to lock your daughter up, but help her prepare for the world as it is. Then sit back and enjoy the ride as your daughter grows up! The odds are great that she will never face any true problems.

 

[dewey]

...You've received alot of great advice, but I would like to touch on a point I don't see mentioned. I would recommend sitting down with her and helping her understand that this attention is not likely to go away and help her find ways to deal with it....

Excellent posts and advice, 4HDad.

ThatChick, good luck!

 

[Melinda35]

I have an 18-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son. My children were never allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends in junior high. I have instilled in them from day one that that is too young to be doing that and they need to make school and sports their priority, girls/boys will come later. My daughter who is graduating in a few weeks has had one "boyfriend" for about a month. She tried to keep him longer to have a date to prom but just could not take it any more. She is extremely picky and will start talking to a boy and then a couple of weeks later says he is a waste of time. She will most likely be the only virgin walking at graduation. No kidding! I did not talk with my children about sex until they went through the sex ed class at confirmation. It is not a how-to but a class over physical, emotional and spiritual consequences of having sex. I did not have to because from day one they have known the rules. My son who is in the 7th grade already has friends who are doing very inappropriate things with girls. They are way too young for any type of sexual behavior.

I think that if you are a parent that is open and honest about boys/girls and not embarrassed to talk to your child then you are on the right track. They will learn way more from their friends than you think and most of it is not going to be correct. You need to be there to set them straight. Set boundaries and stick to them! Sorry to say but you have not seen anything yet....junior high and high school very advanced...prepare her now!

 

[ThatChick]

Don't take this the wrong way, ThatChick, but your post made me chuckle a bit. My daughter is now 17 and your post brought back memories of when she first started getting attention from the boys.

You've received alot of great advice, but I would like to touch on a point I don't see mentioned. I would recommend sitting down with her and helping her understand that this attention is not likely to go away and help her find ways to deal with it. Some of the attention she may like, while some she won't. A main thing to remember is that the boys are trying to figure all of this out too. Sometimes they need help figuring out the boundaries as much as the girls do.

With my daughter we didn't do this until 5th grade when there was some attention she really didn't like. We sat down with her and defined different levels of attention and different levels of reaction. Each situation started with her taking steps to stop the behavior herself. Below is what we came up with, though you and your daughter may want to do this differently.

If someone is just hanging around and constantly talking to her and it is annoying, she should ask them to stop. If it continues then go the following steps until it stops: tell them to stop, get assistance from an adult in power (at school, a teacher or principal), us (her parents). If it needs to come to us we will go to the school and/or the other kids parents.

If someone is touching (shoulders, arms, head) in a way that makes her uncomfortable, she can do what is needed to get away and then go to an adult in power and move up from there.

If someone is touching her in an inappropriate area (areas that would be covered by a bikini) then she needs to do what she feels necessary to make that person aware that it stops now (this includes hitting, kicking, or even beating to a bloody pulp) and then explaining what happened to an adult. If she gets in trouble for over-reacting we would then take it up with whoever we need to.

Thanks... this is a good point that I didn't really think of but will definitely address as need be. On a side not... I am so proud of my daughter, she finally stood up to a girl at school who has off and on been picking on her since last year (nothing extreme, the girl just always has a comment to make about her clothes/shoes). Anyway... she finally shot back one of the "comebacks" we had practiced at home and then the girl had the nerve to go and tell their guidance counselor. But yeah, anyhoo, this is a really great advice that I'll keep in mind.