A divorce too long in the making.

[TXchickenchick]

About 5ish years ago I tried to divorce my husband. But, alas, he convinced me to pack up everything, move myself and our kids to South Texas, and give it another shot. So I did. I can't say I regret that decision. The kids are thriving, I absolutely love it here, and I have a lovely home with plenty of room for my family and my animals. But, as is so often the case, this marriage was well beyond repair. We tried, I suppose, though I doubt either of us gave 100%. So tonight I sit here. I am on the couch. My husband is in the bedroom. For the first time in 15 years there is nothing on my left hand ring finger. For the first time in most of those years I feel a glimmer of hope thst I WILL feel happiness again. We have so many details to work out. So much going through my head it makes my normal insomnia seem like a great night's sleep. And I just feel sad. Sad for what SHOULD have been but was doomed from the very beginning. I just needed to say that somewhere. Even my dogs have abandoned me for dream land.

 

[pippo]

Don't be sad for what could have been, smile for what has been. It will be tough to divide everything but if you're not happy, there is no point living with the unhappiness. You've got to put yourself first cos i doubt anyone else will.

 

[TXchickenchick]

Don't be sad for what could have been, smile for what has been. It will be tough to divide everything but if you're not happy, there is no point living with the unhappiness. You've got to put yourself first cos i doubt anyone else will.

You are absolutely correct, we couldn't continue with the unhappiness. And yeah, mom is always the one expected to stay strong, hold everyone together, make sure everyone else is making it alright. Not a whole lot of people making sure mom is. I admit though, I am excited for the future. I didn't reaize just how disconnected from myself I had become. It's good to start feeling like the real me again instead of the robotic, going tbrough the motions, me.

 

[donrae]

 

[TXchickenchick]

thank you! That's something I can sure use these days.

 

[FridayYet]

One step at a time, you'll get through it.

 

[kerusnak]

Sorry to hear that, what a difficult place to be! As a therapist I want to say grab a good listener and take A LOT of time for self care.

 

[TXchickenchick]

Thanks both of you. I am so used to being the listener and the sounding board learning to open up is extremely hard for me. However, I have two best friends who I am practicing on. One has been my friend for 33 years, one 25 years so they are a good, safe place to figure out how to share my feelings. I do know it will get better...just gotta keep remembering that!

 

[Outpost JWB]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Hang in there. Divorce is not easy either. I've been divorced and remarried and somewhere in the middle I thought I had lost my mind. So, stay strong and know that it will feel this way for a good while and then someday you will have a "normal life".

 

[shortgrass]

I've been there.... Turned me in to an abused alcoholic after I tried so hard to fix it. I prayed so hard, so often. It wasn't meant to be. 15 years, 2 beautiful girls. 3 years of literally HELL to gonthrough courts and custody battles, I even ended up losing custody for a short time... I wish it could have been easier or something I could have done. But no. Wasn't meant to be.

I recovered, met a BEAUTIFUL Christian man; he has blessed my life in ways I never dreamed. Ivwasntblooking either, fresh out if divorce, a man was the LAST thing I needed. But I needed a friend. Things happen for a reason.

Are you religious? I know now, if my DH and I are struggling, we pray together. That's the thing I didn't have with my ex husband. And it makes a huge difference to me; if counseling and communication doesn't help, maybe a heartfelt prayer will give you the answers you need. If not, at least you can get it off your chest...

I'm sorry you are going through this