A family politics question (not about chickens)

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by BeardedChick, Aug 7, 2008.

  1. Ok, so I take care of some of the older family members on a full time basis and I occasionally need help. You know, having someone stay home while I go to the grocery store, take one of them to the Dr., etc. It's a matter of safety for the people I take care of.

    Well, we have a (self designated) 'upscale' set of family that lives nearby. They are more closely related to the folks I take care of than I am. They have always thought of themselves as better than the rest of us, and talk trash about other member of the family. I know good and well if they are talking trash to me about other family members, then they will also do it to me behind my back. Whatever. Anyway, they always promise to come help, or say I can call and they will come help. But half the time, they don't show up. Something more important invariably comes up (they are retired, BTW).

    I have not figured out how to deal with this, other than completely not depending on them. I feel so fake when they say, "I'll come over if you need me", and I pretend like I would call them. Truth is, I don't 'need' them because I can't depend on them.

    Is it better to tell them the truth or to keep on faking it and playing nice? I have worded a letter to them several times in my mind.

    One of them had called me a month ago and cried about how it's wasn't fair that they weren't helping more and they wanted to do more... This was when one of the folks I take care of was very sick and I was completely overwhelmed trying to care for both of them. Well, then she didn't show up on the next date that she said she would visit. And the last time I saw her, she chastized me for not calling her because I couldn't get out of the house to get groceries. I just about let her have it then and there... Of course, she and her daughter also promised last week that they'd be coming once a week to give me some relief, and I haven't heard a peep out of either of them about coming over this week.

    SIGH. It's really the pits. What's a nice girl like me to do about this? I'm just about to pull my beard out (little joke, there).

    Honestly, I don't have the social skills to deal with this one, all it does is make me mad.

    Help! (Thanks sooooooo much for letting me vent)
  2. SterlingAcres

    SterlingAcres Songster

    Apr 17, 2008
    Poconos, PA
    Send your senior friends on 'vacation' for a week to other relatives houses... maybe then, your relatives won't be such backsidees. If they're closer related than you are, I don't see why you are the one having to care for them. That's ridiculous...
  3. miss_thenorth

    miss_thenorth Songster

    Dec 28, 2007
    SW Ont, Canada
    Hire a "senior " sitter, and send the uppities the bill. [​IMG]
  4. BayCityBabe

    BayCityBabe Songster

    May 1, 2008
    Yes, you could bring the folks to them - respite day care. I have allergies & would have a hard time at some of my relatives homes - cats, smoke, etc.
    Or, give them one more chance to come over! Call them in a week or so and ask for a very specific thing: "I need you on Tuesday from 9-11." If they hesitate or don't show, then don't ask again. When you run into them after that, tell them you are upset & why" "I am in a hard spot, you are not helping & I feel that you can help."
    This entire caregiver thing is so hard & you are a good person to do it.
  5. denahli

    denahli Songster

    Jul 16, 2008
    I have taken care of family members...to say its rough is putting it mildly. You really learn who your friends and neighbors are in situations like this.

    Don't rely on these types, try maybe contacting a local nursing agency for respite care information. there are also adult day care programs available through many home care companies.

    even a couple of days can bring some sanity back, unless your like me and too far gone!!! LMAO
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2008

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