A long, bad rant - need to talk to someone.

[Echolalia]

Quote:
Judging from Sumi's posts, it appears that moving away is not something that she and her husband will be able to do anytime soon. Sometimes when you're stuck in a bad situation that will take a long time to resolve, it can become easy to become so overwhelmed by the negativity that a person might lose perspective and find it difficult to function. In that case, a carefully considered course of antidepressant medication can help you get clear-headed and more capable of taking effective action on your own behalf. If Sumi can find a way to get through this without medication that would be best; however, there is no shame in taking medication if it would help her cope with her monster-in-law. Holy Flying Spagetti Monster, that woman could drive the Dali Lama to drink!

Sumi, you mentioned earlier that you were afraid to mention that you were from SA because of what people think of it. When I think about SA, I think about Die Antwoord. I don't know if that confirms your fears, or alleviates them

 

[sumi]

I've heard about them, but I'd prefer not to hear them! Of all the really talented artists in this country. They slipped through the net.
Am actually seriously thinking about taking meds for my depression, but it'll only be a short term solution. Long term we'll just biting the bullet for now and try to save money and stay sane. I've lost another chick today and I'm floored. Such a stupid thing too. There was a gap under the fence in the chickpen... The neighbour's cat probably got the poor the little thing.
Ironically I've decided yesterday to pull myself together for my son's sake. At least pretend things are fine, you know. I'm still recovering from Joy's death, but I try not to cry in front of him. I have a sick chick that I'm really worried about and now we've lost a perfectly healthy chick.

It doesn't rain, it pours!
Hopefully

I'm glad I've got you guys to talk to. My DH said tonight he's glad I finally found a use for the internet!
Thanks for caring

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Trust me, I agree that there is no shame in meds. They have literally saved many people I know and have helped me to better cope with pretty crippling lifelong issues too. I do think it is important to note though, that many are geared towards more long term use, and that your body does tend to adapt to them, not in an I NEED TO HAVE THEM addiction way, but that you will start to notice things like low energy, feeling 'off', etc. if you miss pills, especially if you have to stop them suddenly due to issues like money. It sounds like a doctor, therapist (good to talk to, can refer you to someone for meds), or psychiatrist would be very beneficial to talk to in general, and that they can assess and help prescribe the right kind of medication for you. That said, if a move is possible, that may be a much better option long term.

. Finding the right blend of meds for your body and the right dose can be a rocky ride sometimes, so don't be discouraged if you go that route and find that things are not better or are maybe worse at first. Dosages too often need tweaking through life.

 

[Echolalia]

Quote:
I'm not so crazy about Die Antwoord's music but I find them interesting in the sense that much of what the do is really performance art/ an elaborate prank on the world. If it weren't for them, I'd never have heard of Leon Botha (God rest his soul), dashies, or the togolosh (SA's version of bigfoot/the jersey devil). In a weird way they've turned people from the idea of SA as being this horrible, crime-ridden place and gotten people outside SA interested in it's culture and art scene. I pay much more attention to SA news since I heard of them.

Glad we can be a support to you - chicken huggin' folks gotta stick together!!!

 

[sumi]

Thank you for being there. Talking about all this really helped me sort out my head and I feel better, I feel stronger. I'm not letting the witch get under my skin anymore.
I'm not going to keep this threat going forever. If any of you want to chat to me about S.A. or want updates, PM or email me. I've had my turn to bag all the

here! I will let you all know when we got some good news. Hopefully soon
Thank you so much everyone for your support and advice and everything. You are good chicken people.

 

[kareninthesun]

Personally, I'd have someone take her away for a day and while she's gone, I'd switch out the furniture and have her live in the other house. I'd change all the locks also. If she's chasing potential guests away, your hubby can put it pretty simply: you two are healthy enough to run the investment he's put into it. If she gripes, threaten to take all the books for an audit to see where his investment went to. What can she do besides open her mouth that you will allow? Be prepared for high drama - she's used to getting her way. SHOW her it won't work. If she attempts to make you guys miserable, let her know it won't work any more. If she tries game playing behind her son's back, find your strength and DO NOT allow her to do so by standing there as a victim. YOU have just as many rights as she does, by law. Have drug tests on hand and demand she take those. QUIT doing things for her or caving in because it doesn't ruffle her feathers. If you decide to move to get away from her, frankly, it will not work. The history of what you have will follow you. If you choose to stand up with your heads held high, and refuse to play any of these games again, or demand that she be accountable for her actions, NO EXCUSES, that is different. But I gotta tell you, in love, frankly, that you have to stop giving excuses for your husband. He knows what needs to be done and is still under his mom's thumb, putting you and your child in the middle. He talks a good talk, but that's all. Cut her actions loose. If you move will you have jobs lined up? Before being employed, what will you live on? Where will you live? Most rentables will not do so unless you can prove employment. Then there is food, transportation, school needs, medical care. These things will add more stress to your situation. Running away puts all the cards in her hands, and she WILL take it...and you will have no other place to run to. Have YOU seen all the legal papers? Is your hubby really part owner, or did she fake papers to get him to stay, or is he being honest with you to stay, not knowing that it would be this bad? And what sort of a husband bows to pressure when his mother demands threatening blackmail for DNA testing? You are cheap labor for her. And there is no guarantee she's going to kick the bucket in a year or two. Are you prepared for that? DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HER BEHAVIOR AND REFUSE TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR YOUR ACTIONS. Dear Sister, you are NOT helpless. If your husband cannot prove proactive actions then you need to be the one to do so with a clear mind, for your son's and your sake.

AND...medications will not help if the situations are from what is going on outside. They will not magically change anything unless you can fling one of the bottles at her head. You are a classic co-dependant, forced into the role by your husband whom finds it to difficult to change. In co-dependancy, you cannot change the other person, but only yourself. Moving, even under ideal circumstances may remove her from the picture, but he will still be a co-dependent unless he seeks help. YOu will have two choices, to go along with his co-dependency and not stir waters, or help him seek help to break the stronghold of this. Blaming the authorities, even blaming his mom keeps you distracted in facing him directly.

Is your husband employed? YOu have shared of all you are doing to keep this family afloat. Is what he does equal?

If she is truly being irresponsible, you may be able to work with Dr's and an attorney to be responsible for all the finances. YOu would need to show proof of her actions. Might be worth investigating instead of just depending on evasive negative responses whenever you ask.