A long, bad rant - need to talk to someone.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by sumi, Aug 22, 2011.

  1. sumi

    sumi Égalité Staff Member

    Jun 28, 2011
    Rep of Ireland
    I've reached screaming pitch. Took me quite awhile, but I'm so fed-up, I'm overflowing. Just how much bad luck are we going to have??
    Let me explain, briefly.
    My DH and I live on a farm with our 5yo. Unfortunately he bought the farm with his mother (her idea), just before he met me. She was quite happy with the arrangement, until he met me. MIL was not impressed. Not with me personally, the situation. DH wasn't supposed to get married and have a family, in her book. She's been giving us grief for 6 years now.
    She made me do a DNA test on our son when he was born, hoping that I was having another man's child and my DH will leave me. She had no fact, no nothing to base this on, except that my son was born at 32 weeks and I got pregnant the moment my DH touched me, just about. We started our relationship and I was pregnant within a month. The test results came back and when I told her the baby was her son's she turned and walked off. I'm still waiting for an apology.
    She mocked me when my grandmother died. Seriously, we were starting a small pig farm to raise money to live off and she told a friend of mine, in front of me, that I'm going to do it with my gran, who died that morning. You wouldn't believe the look of enjoyment on her face when she said that. I was too shocked to slap her. I wish I did.
    She took over the main house to use as a guest house to make money for herself and my DH and I lived in a two room building with no water, no plumbing. She wouldn't let us live in the main house even for a few weeks after our son was born, in case she gets paying guests. She didn't need the money.
    My DH spent all his money on fixing up her previous properties, on her... He was broke when our son was born. I started a vegetable garden when my son was 3 weeks old to sell veggies! She accused me of being lazy! Digging in the garden, trying to earn a living for us. My DH helped, but I wanted to do something. I couldn't just sit and do nothing.
    Neither of us could get jobs. We had nothing. She wasn't willing to help us.
    We both worked incredibly hard for the past 5 years to survive. Everytime we get a break, get some money, MIL's resentful. Everytime I sent people to her guest house she has some excuse not to thank me. I've made her a pile of money, but never once did she say "thank you".
    DH and I had so much bad luck here. We finally talked her into putting the farm up for sale so we can go somewhere we can work, make a living. Have a bathroom! We still camp. We live like animals. She doesn't give a @@@.
    We're really struggling, but we don't ask her for anything, we just help her where we can. Now she's making people think she's looking after us. I get this attitude from people, like why are not looking after her? If people had any idea what really goes on on this farm!
    She put the farm up for nearly twice as much as they paid for it, we talked her down, finally, but with the recession and everything, we're not getting buyers. It's been 4 years!!!!
    I'm so desperate to get out of here. Away from her, away from having no money, problems all the time. We get broken into when we leave the house. 3 Times this year.
    I've lost a few chickens this year and now my very special little "runt", Joy is dying. I feel like I've swallowed a stone, I'm on the brink of tears all the time.
    We went through so much over the past few years, I've lost my Dad, some friends of mine died, my gran. I barely have time to catch my breath before the next blow.
    I just want this place to sell or something.
    I want my chickens to stop getting killed, stop dying, stop getting stolen.
    I want us to get some financial security, or at least enough money to get ourselves sorted here. Basically this farm needs to sell.
    I'm tired, I'm irritated with MIL and her @@@@, actually I'm about ready to do something bad to her.
    At least my Dh is completely with me. He's also fed-up with her.
    We've been so good to her. I sat in the hospital for 7 hours to get her checked in for her hip operation two years ago. I helped her around the house when she got discharged. The moment she got better I got treated like dirt again. She's not going to accept that her son's got a family now.
    This is just the tip of the iceberg, but I'm going to stop now.
    I'm just so tired of this. And now Joy's dying and I just can't handle any more at the moment. I seriously need something good in my life now. Or a hug.
    Going to have a long, frustrated cry now. With little Joy on my lap.
    Thanks for listening:)
  2. Edwards' East of Eden

    Edwards' East of Eden Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 11, 2011
    Biloxi, MS
    Jeez. [​IMG]

    I'm so sorry to hear that your chickie isn't doing well. <3

    A couple of questions - well, one, mainly. If the farm belongs to both your husband and your MIL, why is it her guesthouse? Why don't you get a share? Why doesn't your husband get an equal say in what gets done with that house? Why doesn't your husband get an equal say in ... well, anything?

    If you're going to be treated like poor relations, or even squatters, on the property, then why are you even waiting for the farm to sell?

    I know it's hard to just up and move. I understand this ... but do you really plan to? If you plan to, are you going to have to part with your animals? So - could you go ahead and part with them, to get ready? It might make you feel better if you knew that the three of you could, if worse came to worse, just climb in the car and never come back, at a moment's notice. Would being in a position to do that - because if you're camping now, you can camp anywhere, so what's the difference? - would that give you some peace of mind?

    And maybe you don't want questions or advice - maybe you just want a shoulder. I can do that, too. What do you want? To vent or to hear viewpoints on solving?
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2011
  3. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks &amp; Impys - OH MY!

    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
  4. sumi

    sumi Égalité Staff Member

    Jun 28, 2011
    Rep of Ireland
    Anything'll do at the moment.
    We wanted to move, but our money is tied up in the farm. We don't have enough money to leave, else we would've, long ago.
    As MIL's the senior person we leave the decision making up to her. Then, if things don't work we intervene. It's a tricky situation. She is a very difficult person to talk to/reason with.
    As for the guesthouse, it was her thing, basically, and DH let her do, not knowing that he'll have a family soon and that things will get so hard for us financially.
    She will probably have a stroke if he tells her we want to share the income. She only cares about one thing, money. Parting with it, or sharing it is very difficult for her.
    For peace's sake we just try and do our thing here until this place sells. It's the only solution. Then we can get our money and leave. I'm going to miss my chickens, but I'm thinking of my child's future. I don't want to raise him in this place.
  5. chicmom

    chicmom Dances with Chickens

    Feb 24, 2009
    Strasburg Ohio
    Goodness Sumi! [​IMG]

    You guys hang in there. Work is hard to come by now-a-days. I have teenagers that can't find part time jobs too. I like them to get a small job, while they're in high school so that they can have money to help pay for their car insurance, and of course for their fun stuff, but my teenagers are jobless right now.

    My husband and I both have jobs, but we live from pay to pay....Seems like there's nothing left after the bills are taken care of, then something breaks and we need to use the charge card....We are up to our ears in debt.

    All I can say is hang in there and things will improve. It's these trying times that help make us stronger! (Well, that sounds good anyhow, huh?!) [​IMG]


  6. SarahFair

    SarahFair Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 23, 2008
    Monroe, Ga
    What would she do if yall just ...idk... moved in one day?
    Dont even pay her mind when shes jumping up and down up and down screaming..
    What is she going to do? Call the police?
    They will tell her to take a hike if his name is on that house

    Think if her income suffered shed be more motivated to sell?
  7. ladyride

    ladyride Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 30, 2011
    East Tn
    So sorry you are having such a hard time. [​IMG] you & DH are going to have to figure out what is best for you & your family - MIL. You are camping now raising your child like this also subjecting your child to her behavior. As horrible as this is sometimes you just have to cut your losses & walk away for you &your families benefit. At best this is a toxic relationship that no one is going to win. Your MIL is never really going to accept you as part of the family or she would have when the grand child was [​IMG] as someone else posted downsize your animals get ready to leave, when they are gone then find a better campground. This level of stress is not good for anyone involved. It is not your job to look after her it is her's. You have tried kindness to no avail talk about feeling trapped.[​IMG] I know this all sounds harsh but you have a child who deserves better than he is getting. We may not do things for ourselves but we will for our kids. Have a real long talk with DH find out where he really stands & start making some plans. It sounds like both of you are at the end of your ropes. Good luck
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2011
  8. stoopid

    stoopid Chicken Fairy Godmother

    Aug 3, 2011
    Long Island, NY
    I wish you strength, and happiness. I'm sorry to hear about your chickie Joy. They really give me alot of happiness, and courage. My mother asked me, in front of my husband, when I was getting a divorce and moving back home? Why can some women be so miserable that they have to make everyone else miserable? Good luck!
  9. greeneggsandham

    greeneggsandham Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 10, 2008
    Hugs [​IMG]. If I had a MIL like that I would be wearing orange and she would be pushing up daisies.

    I don't care if she is the senior person that does not give her the right to make the decsions that she is making. Your husband should be getting half of what the guest house is rented for.

    First thing I would do is move into the main house since your husband I would assume is on the mortgage if he and his mother bought it together. Is he paying anything towards the house?
  10. Godsgrl

    Godsgrl Ostrich wrangler

    Aug 27, 2007
    at the zoo usually
    I'm sorry you are going through this. My suggestion to you is to apply for federal assistance, and get out. You can get an apt, and help in job searching. If anyone finds out you have a child living with no water, you're going to be in some trouble with the authorities. Once you get back on your feet, you can drop the assistance, and do your own thing. Wishing you the best. [​IMG]

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by