A long, bad rant - need to talk to someone.

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I look up house records all the time.Look up your house with the county auditor to see whose name is on the deed. I would move MIL into the guest home,and then take over the main house. In the least move into the main house.It belongs to your dh AND you.

MIL sounds very toxic. It is normal for abused people to tolerate and make excuses.Your dh needs counseling.

Sometimes it is better to walk away with nothing.Sell the home for below market value and make MIL go along with it.She listed it so high to deter buyers. She sounds horrid. I would give a time line of 2 months to save.Even a crappy efficiency apartment is better than being by her.Need to completely cut this type off. If dh can not manage to keep mom in place you need to get away until he can. You did not cause this situation and are forcing him to choose you(and child) over mom.His mom has created this situation.

Things will not get better just talking about it.Her type just gets worse over time,and that is no way to live your life.No way for your child to grow up either.Kids see and they DO understand.

Best wishes for your family.
 
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They bought it cash. No mortgage.

In that case have your husband tell his mother to buy his half out so you guys can move. If she throws a fit get a lawyer.
She is using that house to keep her son close to her. It is not fair to you, your husband, or you child to be in situation like this.

This. She has to buy you out, because you're leaving. Period.

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(I've got some MIL horror stories myself, but have never had to live with her ...)
 
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Amen sister! I had problems with my MIL before she ever even laid eyes on me. I told her how it was going to be and now, she thinks the world of me. My backbone is calcified
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I understand having a MIL like yours. My DH's mother decided that I did not exist and she would never refer to me, and even asked my husband to come vacation at their home...without me of course. At least she lives 800 miles away. This is a simple power play by the MIL and the abuse will only stop when/if your husband tells her that you and your/his son are the most important people to them and that she has a choice. Either she stop badgering you and treating you so horribly, or he will sever ties. Move...take her to court for your half of the worth of the farm. Document everything she says and does. If you are truly #1 in DH's life, he will take care of you and the kid first and foremost. It sounds as though you also may be depressed...please talk to a counselor/doctor and let them know. I went on meds for a year and it helped me see eveything that was happening in a new light. You will see options that your tired brain is just not able to realize now. Take care of your family, including Joy. Prayers are with you.
 
Both their names are on the deed for the farm. Luckily. She'd been trying to talk DH into handing over his share of the farm to her when it sells. (I'm not making this up! This woman is mad for money and she'll stoop low to get it.) I told him if he as much as considers it I will leave. Not that I will ever leave him, he needed a shocker to get his head straight. She loves playing the damsel in distress, works with everyone, but me. It worked with DH for a long time, but I carefully pointed out to him over the years that this mom is manipulating him like mad to better herself.
I've never met anyone like this woman. I'm not sure what to do with her. We figured out that the best way to go is out of here. And the only way is to sell this place or figure out another way to make money, save money to go away with.
She does have money, though her little fortune is getting smaller thanks to her reckless spending, but she doesn't have enough to pay DH out. If we get to a point where we can leave without selling the farm she will need his signature to sell, so I'll make sure he gets his fair share.

watchdogps: She had DH still firmly in hand when our child was born. She put doubt in his mind that the baby was his. I came home from hospital only to be told I'm not welcome on the farm until I went for the test. To put DH's mind at ease I agreed. That woman ruined the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me and didn't apologise. But she did tell the biggest gossip in town all about it! DH still feels bad about it, but I'm o.k. with him. He came round and he's firmly by my side. He's spoken to her many times about her behavior, but she always has some lame excuse and things never really chance. I do have his loyalty, so I just bite my tongue.
She got hooked on pills a few years ago and she drinks like a fish. It's worrying DH, but I told him she's doing herself in to try and spite him and control him. I'm just sitting here watching this woman slowly kill herself and I don't care anymore. May God forgive me, but I've had enough. I did warn her, many times, that she's gambling with her health. But she's feeling so sorry for herself. She cannot see her son have his own life and happiness. He's in his late 30's. He had to move on at some point!

This is such a crazy situation!

If the farm does sell we can help her get settled somewhere and leave with a clear conscience.

By the way, anyone ever heard of a POST nuptial? She told us we HAVE to sign one before we get married. Worried I'll divorce DH and take his share of the farm. Meanwhile she's the one who is after it.
We eloped and didn't sign any contracts.
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Her face when we told her...

It really helps talking about this. Thanks everyone.
 
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Thank you. I'll have a look. We're planning on emigrating to the U.K. DH's a Brit. Get my son a British passport, have to go live there a few years. I don't mind.
 
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Thank you. I am very depressed, but I'm scared of taking medicine. I've seriously thought of asking the doctor for a pick-me-up to help me cope, but my mom and MIL got hooked on anti-depressants. I'm worried I'll get hooked too. That's why I'm trying to solve things, but after 4 years of hoping and praying and bad luck... I'm floored.
 
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Thank you. I am very depressed, but I'm scared of taking medicine. I've seriously thought of asking the doctor for a pick-me-up to help me cope, but my mom and MIL got hooked on anti-depressants. I'm worried I'll get hooked too. That's why I'm trying to solve things, but after 4 years of hoping and praying and bad luck... I'm floored.

Meds will make you feel better but add problems.
Don't stress over what you can't control.
Serenity now.
 
Look. There is absolutely nothing you can do about her behavior. Nothing. The only thing you can control is your own. If I were you I would move into the guest house or the main house immediately. One or the other. Tell her you are moving in, but don't give her a vote in it. The most I would do is maybe let her decide which house it will be. Just tell her it is going to be one or the other, her choice. She is going to pitch a fit no matter what you do, so let her pitch it. Then move in. What is she going to do? Call the cops? Beyond that I would try to ignore her as much as possible. BTW, the more you give in to her, the pushier she will get.
 

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