A Question for Boyd and the rest of you Foster Parents.

[kelseygirl707]

Hey Guys.

So as some of you may know, my DH and I have been trying to concieve unsuccessfully since September. My maturnal instinct kicked in may 2008 when I was pregnant and miscarried. when we first decided to have a baby, a friend who was a foster child herself, told us we should consider fostering, especially if finances were tight, because the state pays for most of the childs needs, plus it's just an amazing thing to do, there are so many children that need stable homes, even if just temporarily. But we thought that given our age (My husband is 29, but I'm only 22) and the fact that we don't have a whole lot of "Extra Money" each month, that we probably wouldn't be good candidates. Plus we had no Idea how to go about becoming foster parents, I did internet research, but all the info never really seemed to lead to an answer as to who we talk with, or an office where we could inquire.

Well today my husband talked to a tenant at the storage facility where he works, who is one of the Director for the foster parenting program here in Butte county, and she said from what my husband told her, she thought we would work out perfectly for them, and she was excited to have stumbled on to us. We asked if it was possible to only foster infants (I am more comfortable with infants, considering kids and teens would be fairly close to my age, and that just seems strange.), and she said that would work out well.

So my question is, should we go for it, what things should we take into consideration before we jump on the bandwagon.

Thanks Guys!,

 

[beak]

We fostered for 10 years. We have 5 adopted children from the experience. It was a great experience. We did infants only after the 1st year. For of our five came to us at 3 days old. Each child took about 2 years before they could be adopted. Each child was initially abandoned by their mother who later came back and wanted visitation, then custody, then some low life druggie relative to get custody, then finally the court would terminate parental rights because the parent cared more about the needle or the crack pipe than they did about their child. It's always a long drawn out and harrowing experience. Getting a 3 day old baby and raising it for 2 years then worrying it is going to go live with some druggie relative that crawled out of the wood work is hard on you. It was worth it though. We had 93 children come through our house in 10 years. Some were great and were reunited with their parents. Others were terminated and went elsewhere.

Keep in mind that almost any child you get as an infant will be affected by FAS or some kind of retardation. The older children will probably have FAS and will also have severe emotional problems. The adoptions are free and the adoptive family is compensated depending upon the needs level of the child. Medicaid is included as is special therapy if needed. Of course with California sliding down the toilet financially there probably isn't any money to pay foster parents or social workers or therapists or anything. Social service programs are always the first to go.

Good luck. It's a great experience. We have 8 kids altogether with 5 of them adopted and we would do it all over again. PM me if you have any other specific questions.

 

[Southernbelle]

I tell anyone I know that wants to adopt a child to consider adopting through the foster care system. A lot of parents are foster-to-adopt and if possible, our social services will try to give them cases where they're pretty sure the case will move to termination and adoption. (Keep in mind, you are not obligated to adopt even if the case goes to termination.)

One family in our training group was "Adopt only" They only wanted to consider children whose parental rights were already terminated to avoid the hassle and heartache of visitations and uncertainty.

In our area they do subsidized adoptions. The system covers all the one-time expenses like the lawyer and court fees AND the child continues to get Medicaid until they're 18 AND you continue to get the monthly stipend from the state until the child is 18. So I think adopting from the foster care system is a fabulous alternative to "traditional" adoption.

 

[imtc]

we did exactly that after trying to conceive & losing a couple pregnancies. We called the CPS office to get information and went to a meeting they do once a month to gather information and met a case worker from a smaller agency there that we ended up signing on with. Did the classes thru that agency and got our first (and only) foster kids thru them. You are never obligated to take on every child they offer to you. During your home study they will determine what you are looking for as far as ages & what conditions you would not be comfortable dealing with (like severe medical needs)...stuff like that. We got a 10 month old with down syndrome & 4yr old sibling and were able to adopt both. It has been a wonderful experience for us and am so glad to have them be the start to our family (it's been about 5 years now). The only thing I remember being difficult was having to wait for parental rights to be terminated so the not knowing if we'd get to keep them was hard...but all in all...definately worth it and would do it again.

 

[Boyd]

I sent you a PM, sorry if I wrote a bit of a book on it

 

[kelseygirl707]

Yes, I understand they could, and probably would come to me with health issues, I have read that in California that children with retardation go to foster familys who are signed up to take in special needs children. Hubby and I would definatley consider adopting a child we foster, we want to have biological children too if we can, but adoption has always been an option for us, we just wondered if we could ever afford it, but from what I'm told, it's a lot cheaper to adopt if you are the childs foster parent.


Our Life is fairly simple right now, so I think it may be a good time to think about starting the fostering process. I manage a Self storage Facility where my office is literally conected to our family room, and spend most of my time in the house, and just enter the office when a customer is around, plus I can do paperwork, and office duties at night when My husband is home. Also I am free to have the office open the hours that work for me, so I can work around a schedule. My husband is going to school for Nursning full time. Our On-Site apartment is rent free and all of our Utilitis are paid by the buisness owner, plus we get $1000 a month + Bonuses to live on, which gets us by, after groceries, Cell Phone, Car insurance, and Gas, we have around $200 a month play money (Usually goes to eating out, so that would have to stop, Maybe then I'll loose some weight).

We have an extra bedroom, already painted blue, with Finding Nemo prints on the wall (With 10 months of trying to conceive, I have kept myself busy preparing for a baby).We started collecting baby Items about 6 months ago, we already have a crib, Nursery/Crib set, Rocking chair, Baby Clothes, basically a full nursery, we just need a Crib mattress and a Dresser/Changer. My Husband has the Summer off of School, so It would be a good time to get all the Fostering Classes out of the way.

 

[Boyd]

the only money they charge to start this is your gas money to the classes

It doesn't hurt to have some clothing $$$ handy when you pick up kids though. I've gotten them with a backpack, and a clean pair of boxers with nothing else

 

[kelseygirl707]

Thanks Boyd, your Pm Helped a lot.

I should mention too, that we weren't looking to foster to adopt, but it is a possiblity for us.

I am really not a Teenage friendly person, and I mean that in the way that, Teenagers terrify me, LOL, I was homeschooled from 8th grade on becasue I just couldn't put up with teenagers. The one thing that was on the con side of having babies of our own is that they will become teenagers, and will I be able to hadle that? I have always been a Baby/Toddler person.

Hubby and I leave on vacation tomorrow, but first thing when we get back, I think we will make the call to see what we need to do to get started.

 

[Boyd]

but if you get an infant now, or have one naturally, you'll be in your mid 30's anyhoodles, so they would be a teenager anyways

you grow as they do

I am a lil bit older than you girly, so getting teens doesn't scare me too much. It was just a little harder to convince them that I mean business sometimes.

 

[Boyd]

you know, you could also do a respite foster type situation where you take the kids in their first few days/weeks in the system till they find a permanent placement...... something else to look into, because you are helping these kids out, but know in your heart you can't be attached because they aren't with you very long.