Am I overreacting?

[oldmamahen]

I have been friends with a woman for about eight years. Our kids have grown up together to a certain extent and we have remained close even though our lives have taken different paths in the last few years. We still go out together every few weeks for dinner or a movie. She has been seeing a married man off and on for the last year or so. I do not approve of that "relationship" and I have been open with her about the fact that it is wrong, imo.

She called me a couple days ago and asked if I could watch her kids for a day because she and her cousin were visiting friends out of state and couldn't get back in time to pick up her kids from her ex-husband (she said they were currently driving back home but simply wouldn't make it as soon as she had thought she would). I couldn't do it at the time and referred her to a babysitter I sometimes use though I knew it would be expensive for her. Well, my plans changed and I called her yesterday to let her know that I could watch her kids if she wanted to save money and not pay a sitter. I agreed to do this because it seemed her back was up against a wall and she really needed my help. Frankly, I didn't really want to watch her kids, but I knew she needed the help.

So I picked up her kids this morning knowing she would be back sometime in the late afternoon. I got a call from her around 2pm and I was expecting to hear she was going to be home soon. Instead she said that she had been involved in an accident (not a car accident), had a concussion and was going to the ER to see a doctor. After I asked her a couple more questions, she admitted that she was with the married man she has been seeing. So she wasn't driving home as quickly as possible like she told me. She really needed me to watch her kids so that she could go see and continue her affair with this married guy. I was furious! I feel like she took advantage of me. I agreed to watch the kids because I thought she really and truly needed my help, not because she wanted to spend some more time with this guy

. She had gone to visit old friends with her cousin, but went from there to this guy's place rather than coming home.

It became apparent that she wasn't going to be able to drive home today (she was several hours away still), but I did not offer to watch her kids overnight. She called a family member who came to pick them up and then take them to their Dad's later on. She called me a little while ago and asked if I could come and help her get her car home. It would mean about six hours of driving where I would have to take my husband and kids with me so that I would be free to drive her car home. I said no. Didn't even give an explanation of why, just said no. It hurt me to say no like that since I know she needs the help, but I feel she abused my friendship when she lied to me about why she needed me to watch her kids. I figure if she wanted so badly to see this guy, he can help her get home. Am I out of line? Am I doing the right thing? I have already decided I will not watch her kids again. This isn't the first time this has happened either. I watched her kids for an overnight a couple years ago when she was still married only to find out later that she wasn't visiting the friend she told me about, but was instead "seeing" a different married man. I know she didn't tell me the truth because she knew I would say no, but to me that just makes it worse...



*This is not my normal screen name. I just didn't want people I have met to recognize who I am talking about if they ever meet her.

 

[b.hromada]

Of course you are not out of line to decline to watch her kids, so she can carry on her affair with a married man!!!! I mean, she lied to you about where she was, not once but at least twice by what you've said. Good for you for standing your ground.

 

[WriterofWords]

No I don't think you are over reacting, I'll share my similar story with you. The closest friend I've ever had, we referred to ourselves as sisters from 4th grade into womanhood and two marriages. She's always been the kind who has to have someone there, more to pay the bills and the support the lifestyle she couldn't. One day she told me she was going to visit a female friend in Las Vegas that had been stationed with her in England while in the Air Force. She came back talking about what a wonderful time she and Ron had,, while her friend was working. He showed her around etc. just did the Vegas thing. She said she was going back in a couple weeks since she had time off and it wasn't that far. This time she came back and told me she was moving to Vegas that Ron and her friend were splitting up. She lead me to believe she was going there to support her friend but it was he who showed up to move to her there. She had decided she liked her friends husband and purposely set out to steal him. It took 3 years for him to marry her but he did,, one year when my son was 5, she called me in Nov. to tell me his B day present was on the way, it never got here,, oh well Ron forgot to mail it, it's on the way now. When his Christmas gift arrived his B day present was in the box too. She lied about her reasons for going to Vegas, she lied to my young son about his gift being on the way. Then suddenly she stopped calling or talking to me. I found out from her brother that Ron told I had called to talk to her and since she wasn't there he talked to me and I was hitting on him. I made a point of calling her and telling her that her husband was liar, and that she was paranoid because she knew that just as easily as she had stolen him, someone else could do the same thing to her.
I divorced two men for cheating on me, I cannot respect anyone who would do that and she is no longer in my life. I don't are if they are legally separated, get the divorce and call me them, but not until it is legal.
Stand your ground.

 

[Mattemma]

No way would I have driven to get her car.Her lover can do that. Better to cut ties now. She sounds no good.

 

[Cetawin]

Well friends do not lie to each other and take advantage of a kindness.....so nope you are doing the right thing.

She knows your feelings on the married man thing and chose to put her sexual needs first and lie to you and put those needs before the well being and care of her children. I would be hunting down the man's wife and chatting her up about it, I would tell the friend to forget my phone number and address and I would walk away.

Friendship is based in large part on trust...she blew it so be done with her.

 

[TyrannosaurusChix]

i agree with the others..
why couldnt married-prince-charming get her home? I know women of these types have a hard time getting out of the habit of dating married men and its a syndrome of some sort but lying to you just to get you to watch her kids is just so yucky. i hate when people involve children in their deceptions.. it makes it a million times worse than it already is.


Why all of a sudden could a family member come and retrieve them from you, yet... they couldnt take them earlier on(seems like she doesn twant to sticky her own family situation and would rather fudge up your day instead)

After lying to you, at least twice on this situation, why would she think you would drive over 6 hours to help her out of the situation? the gall of some people!!!!

 

[turney31]

I agree....You are right. And Welcome to BYC!

from Texas.

Micah

 

[EweSheep]

I agree with this one! Stand your ground! Do not do anything for her now and dont use the kids for guilt or bait trip!

I know of someone (a very close relative of mine) who dated married men and had me watched her kids. She said she was out to have fun, going out to eat and talk about Army days. I found out later that was not the case, it was for a nightcap. I was livid. Told her I will NOT babysit her kids anymore when she was dating married men. The relationship didn't last long and she moved away.

 

[mom'sfolly]

This person is not a friend. She is someone who is using you for her advantage. You don't owe her anything. If it was a real need, you would not have been a good friend for not helping, but she lied to you. You have no obligation to watch her children so she can get laid by someone else's husband. You were right, she was wrong.

If he is so wonderful, let him help her.

 

[chicmom]

You are NOT over-reacting!