Am I right or wrong? *Another long rant*

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by gritsar, Dec 18, 2010.

  1. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
    It's gonna get long folks, sorry. [​IMG] I don't visit very many places on the web, besides BYC, so this is really the only place I can vent.

    I am the youngest of 6 children. My siblings are all half-siblings from my mom's first marriage. I am my father's only child. My Dad lives alone in central Florida. He is 88. He has a long-term girlfriend.

    Saying our family is dysfunctional is putting it mildly. There was mental health issues, abuse, just a whole bunch of *stuff*.

    One sister lives in the same town as my dad. A brother lives about two hours away from dad. He's always hated my dad and has been very vocal about that. Another sister lives in Tennessee, but visits at my dad's often. Another complicated story, but she used my dad's house as a jumping off point when her boyfriend was incarcerated in Florida. Now it seems it's become a habit. One sister lives in Colorado, doesn't really have anything to do with the family. The eldest sister (really my first cousin, and way too complicated to explain that) and I used to be really close. I cut off all ties to her about 4 years ago for a very good reason.

    None of these siblings, with the exception of the sister that lives in the same town, were there for my dad back in 2005 when he had a major medical emergency. I slept in three different airports and went thru h-e-double hockey stix to get to him for a few days. I couldn't stay long because I was too busy struggling to survive here in Arkansas.

    Trying to cut it short(er) here: I last saw my dad in 2007. We are trying to plan another trip to see him after the first of the year. It's hard with DH's work schedule, our health issues and the animals.

    Now it seems like all my siblings have decided to descend on dad's house for the holidays. My brother even rounded up all his kids to take with him. One sister is giving me a hard time on FB because I made a comment about Christmas cards not being sent out. I wasn't referring just to family. I was commenting on the lack of Christmas cards this year in general.

    I am upset and crying because it seems like all of a sudden my siblings have decided to acknowledge the man that raised all of them, from early childhood, when before now they couldn't have cared less about him.

    I don't know if I am upset with them for being what I feel is a bunch of vultures, myself for not being able to do more for my dad, or just because it's the holidays. Bad time of year for me since my mom committed suicide a few days after christmas back in 2003.

    BTW, I have tried unsuccessfully to talk my dad into moving out here and living on the farm with DH and I so I could take care of him in his later years. I can't move back to Florida.
  2. ebwy2

    ebwy2 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 8, 2010
    [​IMG] I'd be upset too.
    I'm sorry I have no advice to give you
  3. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Gahh! I had a long post typed out and it didnt go through ... Hate this computer. [​IMG]

    Anyways.. to shorten what i was saying..
    I'm sorry about everything... [​IMG] [​IMG]
    I know its hard to be away from your father... Mine lives in Florida with my step mother and 2 half-brothers...
    I wish he was up here with me.. it sucks and sometimes i do feel a tad jealous that hes with them and not with me up here...
    *sigh*.. ooh well.. nothing i can do.. just call him on Christmas to let him know i'm thinking of him.
  4. User66184

    User66184 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Aug 23, 2010
    East Coast, Virgina
    [​IMG] Hope its Gets Better For You! [​IMG]
  5. ranchhand

    ranchhand Rest in Peace 1956-2011

    Aug 25, 2008
    Okay, time to put a different spin on it. Don't you think Dad will see it for the vulture descent it probably is? He wasn't born yesterday, ya know!

    Chances are they are all going to fight and argue, pester him for this and that and drive him crazy. And you are going to be the angel who gives him several calls as a break from the unfortunate antics of the others. Call him now and tell him your plans to visit in the near future. Then you can say gee Dad, I hope you can make it through the flock visit. And to NOT sign anything! Give him a chance to miss you and wish you were there.

    Then when you do get to go, don't tell any siblings, whatever fractions they may be. I learned long ago to just drop in on Mom, from 1300 miles away. That way my sisters had no advance notice! [​IMG]

    And don't worry about rude comments, just say [​IMG]
  6. Judy

    Judy Chicken Obsessed Staff Member Premium Member

    Feb 5, 2009
    South Georgia
    I agree with Ranchhand; my first thought was, are they after his money or house or something?

    Call him, be there for him, encourage him not to make any major decisions without talking to you. Support his independence, even. Way too many old folks get talked into making a move they don't want to. They've earned the right to live as they choose.

    My mother lived alone, her choice, til about 6 months before she died, when she knew she couldn't make it on her own any more. At that point she willingly moved to my house. Maybe when that day comes, your Dad will do the same.

    I hate bedside vultures. Used to see an awful lot of that when I lived in Fla, and been through it a bit, too.
  7. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
    Believe me, I am not going to say a word about our visit. Looks like we'll be going in March, when DSD is home to take care of the animals, but we might try to go earlier; like in January.

    My maternal aunt, before she passed, tried to convince Dad to give me power of attorney, not trusting the sister that lives close to dad. However Dad was adamant, since that sister lives closest, that she have the POA. Her and I are co-executors on his estate. Dad is nobodys fool, but he's losing some of his mental sharpness.

    It just really got to me this morning because it was like being a child all over again. Let's pick on Kat! She's HIS daughter. I can ignore old hurts 99% of the time, but they're still there.

    I want nothing from my father, other than more time. One thing from my mother that I am going to make sure I get this time is her and my dad's wedding album. I should have brought it home with me last time I was there. Then I noticed that some pics were missing out of it. *Nobody* knew what had happened to the pics. Now my sister routinely posts those missing pics on facebook. [​IMG]

    Thanks y'all for listening. Blessings! [​IMG]
  8. michickenwrangler

    michickenwrangler To Finish Is To Win

    Jun 8, 2008
    NE Michigan

    DH's father lived with both of my SILs for awhile but knew full well that they were just having him there to pay the cable bill and for other stuff. He eventually came back to Michigan to live on his own and DH visited him every day since we were only 4 miles away.

    When DH died and SILs came to get "all the money" they were in for a shock. There hardly any money for the funeral and the elder of the two SILs who thought she was really going to make out like a bandit ended up going out into the woods and crying after she found out she wasn't getting anything.

    Well, nothing specifically was left to her although she and her husband took quite a few things out of the kitchen and garage from spite. However, DH still has the important things like the flag given to him by the army (DH's dad was a SSGT in the US army 304th Infantry Company E) and his medals and decorations and I found some of DH's mom's old recipes, hand written. We also still have the toaster given to them as a wedding present in 1938. Still works! Although if I want to mix something, I have to do it by hand since SIL took the dang beaters for the electric mixer! [​IMG]

    No one liked my great-aunt and all hovered like vultures before she died. Turned out she left all of her money to the organization. [​IMG]

    Point: Your father hopefully knows what's going on although it might not hurt to try and SUBTLY drop the hint to him about why they are visiting after all this time.
  9. Iowa Roo Mom

    Iowa Roo Mom Resistance Is Futile

    Apr 30, 2009
    Keokuk County
    I have no answers, only [​IMG] for you Gritty. Sorry [​IMG]
  10. ranchhand

    ranchhand Rest in Peace 1956-2011

    Aug 25, 2008
    See, Kat? Make sense can I. [​IMG]

    When Mom died, many years after Dad had, I almost got sucked into the "I want this item" game. Then common sense struck me a wallop upside my head and I told my sisters to have at it, I was out of there. I was gifted with the wallop, because it reminded me that the memories are far more important than the material items.

    Don't let the Madonna types get to ya, hon. ( And poach the pics off of fb. [​IMG] )
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2010

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