Am I wrong to be hurt/mad?

So sorry for what you've been having to go through. Yes, you have every right to be mad and upset.

 

i have been where you are and you do have the right TO BE VERY MAD, TO BE VERY MAD, TO BE VERY MAD. what me and my wife have done and will keep doing, is to tell them that do not come to us for money but if the kids need something to eat or a place to stay for them to bring them home to us and we will see that they get what they need, but until they grow up and act like adluts not to bring there money probs to us for we work to hard to just give it away like that (drugs) and i told them that if i found out it was happening in front of my grankids that they would have blank---- to pay. we call this tough love. and we have had five of our kids put us though what you are going though and this is what worked for us. when we put the brakes on our $ they growed up. at first we felt bad and did not see three of our grandkids for two years and it tore my heart out like you don't know, but the line has to be drawed some where. sorry to here but know i pray it will get beter and they may do beter. william

 

you are very right, you have to stick to your guns and don't let them play with your heart for they will try if he loses his job. make them grow up but make it known that your grandkids will not do without, for they can just bring them home to you and be on there mary way, if that is what it takes. we had to take our oldest grandchild from her mother because she just could not get it together ( and she has now) but the grandchild says it took her mom to long to get it together and still lives with us, been six years now and she has one more year of school to go. it will be fine in time,but it is a hard road I know. william

 

When one of our daughters moved back home several years ago we were happy to help out...but only with a place to stay as long as they work. We have always told them they will have food and roof over their heads here if they work. when she quit work one day and sat around the house for weeks (weeks= was our fault for allowing it)I finally had to use "tuff love" and say if you don't have a job by next Monday you have to move out. Now my heart was breaking as she was my baby!! but (early twenties). so she got mad and moved right out!! she then managed to get a job and went back to school on her own and today is a nurse and happily married. she has also apologized to us for behaving like that. so now many years later we had a 44 year old pull the same thing..ended up having to do the same thing to her. do you know she moved right out (got mad of course)and immediately found a job and is now back in college?? Do not be an enabler!! They will not respect you and the more you give the more they will take and not appreciate all you have worked so hard for. It will hurt your heart but in the long run they will grow up. and prayers to you.

 

I say wait until the test comes back and THEN make a decision. There are a lot of false positives in drug tests......

 

Hmm.. guess I wont be very popular with what I'm going to tell you but since you asked....I"ll share my opinion.

your daughter is no longer a child - she's what - 18 now? Boyfriend/baby daddy isnt a child... time to grow up and move out on their own. If they're old enough to make children - then they'd better be old enough to take care of said children - ENTIRELY and RESPONSIBLY, period. I can understand if they needed help once in a while with formula, diapers, baby food or child care - but excuse me - you said you also have minors at home, correct? So when is it a parents job to raise their children's children and support their "adult children and boyfriend/husband/baby-daddy?"

No excuses, period. You can choose to continue or you can get yourself out of this situation. All you're doing is enabling them to not want to take responsibility for thier own actions - you're making it very easy. Tears are powerful from your children absolutely -but...there are Agencies out there that will help them find housing in exchange for Volunteering and staying clean and sober - some even provide transportation to and from jobs so long as they pass drug tests. There is no excuse for allowing this behavior - none.

I've told my 18 yo DD if she ever got pregnant (and she's getting ready to head off to college this year) in no uncertain terms that if she's old enough to lay down with a guy she'd better be old enough to be prepared to take care of a baby and raise it because her father and I will not. I had my DD at 21 - and while on occassion if I needed help with diapers or formula my parents helped me or helped watch my child - they most certainly did not raise her - she was our responsibility. Were we ready for a baby at 21 and 25? Nope - but we were old enough *and married* to have sex so we were old enough to know it can and does happen even on birth control. Guess what? It did... and I wouldnt change it for anything even if we werent ready back then - we made a choice.

Your DD was 15 - yes kids make mistakes - thats understandable - however...to turn around and show up again with baby #2 ...well..... hmmmm - and a boyfriend who 1. chooses drugs over taking care of his responsibilities and 2. doesnt support the first child for over 2 years? Oh..thats real mature now isnt it?

Time for some tough love I'm afraid....

ETA: I dont mean to sound harsh - I'm not a harsh person by any means. It just burns my tail that BOYS will make babies and not take care of them and that kids are having kids yet expecting their parents to raise them and take care of not only the child they laid down and created but then take care of THEM too! Again - where is this sense of entitlement in today's kids coming from? I just dont get it.... *puzzled*

You're a good mom and grandmother sweetie... dont think I was saying you werent... you ARE - absolutely!

 

I just wanted to tell you that I think you've been a great supportive Mom. I had my first child one month after I turned 16 and I just wish my own family had been as supportive of me as you have been of your own daughter and grandchildren. My parents hardly know my children.
Thankfully my husbands family is amazing or I would be such a lost person.

But yes, I feel that you have every right to be hurt and angry. I sure hope it comes out that it was a false positive.

Thanks for making me feel like a very lucky woman to have such a great husband... Considering how young I was entering motherhood I got so incredibly lucky to have such an awesome guy who has always worked his butt off and stuck by us. I know all too well that it doesn't always end that way with young mothers/families.

 

I would wait for the results of the drug test to decide if I need to get furious. Did you know something as simple as a cheeseburger can cause a positive result? Yep, sesame seeds will do it. If he is indeed positive for something, the I'd kick him out. Good luck and God bless.