Anxiety disorder in children??

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

I think my DDs (11) anxiety is at the "disorder" state. I really do. Her anxiety is taking over - oh heck truth be told it has run the family for years now. She's an emotional black hole for me.

I simply cannot love her enough for her to feel safe and happy. I was clinically depressed after her birth and while I got treatment and she was well cared for by me and others I think somehow that distance from way back then set her up to never be able to get enough reassurances that she is loved.

Seriously. She wants to be in full physical contact with me as much as possible. She gets a full tucking in routine: my husband and I get on her bed with her sister and the dog and we all sing her good night and kiss her. And she complains that we don't pay enough attention. I can kiss her fifteen times and she'll swear I didn't kiss her. I can spend three hours after school with her glued to my side and she'll complain I don't hug her enough.

I know I am not the perfect mom. Who is? But, today, right now, I am exhausted and discouraged. She gets frozen in her anxiety and won't do anything toward getting herself ready for school. She refuses to do her homework and then panics and yells at me because it isn't done. DH and I then fight about what is the best approach. If we let things take their own course let her face natural consequences she gets worse. She gets more anxious and then starts to fail school.

If I sit on top of her to get her homework done it takes hours. She's been tested. She has a high IQ but she severely dyslexic. The dichotomy causes lots of her issues. She started middle school yesterday.

I will be calling the school for a meeting soon. But, I promised her I would let her speak to her teachers about it first.

One teacher sent home a form asking the student and parents questions about themselves and she wrote on there that she is dyslexic.

Raising kids is the hardest thing I have ever done.

 

[AngelaB]

My daughter is actually on medication for her anxiety. It was a problem for years, and it caused problems with school for couple of years. Then we finally broke down to try the medication. It has worked wonders! We had her tested and she is slightly learning disabled. So she is in the LD class for most of the day. She was also having a terrible time sleeping. She has a form of epilepsy that causes her to stare of and zone out. So between the help in school and the medication, she is a totally different kid! (For the better!)

 

[EweSheep]

My daughter has ADHD/ODD so I can relate to that perfectly! The meltdowns, the insecurities, hyped up about every little thing we do even we did give her lots of attention, love but still not enough for her. She really about wore me out! I had some "detachment" bond when I gave birth to her, C section so I was pretty much zoned out for the entire hospital stay. Had complications from C section and still have it to this date. Don't get me wrong, we all LOVE our daughters but we can only do so much.

So I had to medicate my daughter as much as I hated to but it helps her to control her anxiety. Right now her meltdowns are more frequent so I may have to increase her doses. Not sure if it is the right med for her tho but we just keep trying. Her med she is taking right now is Incintiv. Not like Ritialian.

 

[chicmom]

My son takes some medicine for depression/anxiety and he's doing soooo much better. I take it too, and I have for years, but finally I decided he needed it. He's a high school student and would still come home from school upset, and occasionally in tears. Wish I had done it a long time ago.....He's just so much better now.

Take her to the doctor and have her evaluated. It may take some time to figure out exactly what kind of help she needs, but you'll be glad you took her.

It will help you too!

 

[KristyHall]

I think you should take her to a license therapist. A Psychiatrist/Psychologist can help you determine what is causing the anxiety. It could be physical causing it, illness, disorder, etc, or something could be happening in her life that is affecting her such as being bullied at school.

Have the therapist do a full evaluation before giving a diagnosis and medicine.
as a child I was misdiagnosed and treated for a disorder for years when it was abuse that was making me so angry and depressed.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

I have had severe social anxiety for as long as I can remember. That said, this sounds like possible borderline (not usually diagnosed and treated at this age), something along ADD, etc. Work closely with a doctor or therapist who you can respect and trust to help with evaluation.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
This is the issue: we insisted the school do a thorough eval when she was in 2nd grade. That's when we got the yes she's very bright yes she's very dyslexic diagnosis. We had her screened by pediatricians for hypoglycemia and food allergies those came back negative. By trial and error I have learned certain products that trigger her but not certain yet which ingredients aggravate her - like she can eat of bowl of sugar and not really react but one bowl of Trix cereal and she's a nut case in half an hour or less. SO we watch her diet. She is quite underweight so we give her Ensure to boost her protein.

She had a good counselor that she loved but she left on maternity leave and did not come back. It's the 'you trust" issue. I have been in and out of therapy myself before and I think she would benefit from it, but getting one I trust is going to be an issue. And DH and I are not on the same page on this one. (Hence the fighting)

She was severely bullied at school last year, but it actually worked out for her because she used her resources well and when asking for help and applying techniques she had been taught actually helped her it made her feel good about her ability to control some aspects of her life. The parents of one of the bullies really helped too, they were horrified when they learned what their daughter had been doing and responded really well, not too much, but not ignoring it either.

How did you all find a good therapist? And Kristy you recommend a therapist even though somehow yours missed the abuse??

 

[punk-a-doodle]

To add to what Kristy said, it is very important that the therapist have one on one sessions with your daughter (making the trust issue even more important). I was also misdiagnosed as a kid as well. The parent I was with did all the talking, and I ended up being diagnosed as ADD (people I know in real life laugh when I tell them this...completely off base) and medicated for it. The real issues, largely dealing with family, were completed missed. Even in a healthy family, if not given one on one time, it can sometimes misdirect the diagnosis. Another thing that helps is finding someone you all can build a repore with and also to continue later in life, especially if the diagnosis is in question.

I went through several really awkward and/or just bad therapy experiences before I finally found one I loved who has helped me so, so much! I think that is part of it. Don't be afraid to not go back to a therapist who just didn't click with you. Also, ask around. It was actually my sleep doctor who was treating me for insomnia who recommended the particular therapist to me. I had to call my health insurance and get a referal for them, but it was well worth it in the end. Best of luck to you!

 

[xchairity_casex]

i understand you want your child to be healthy and happy but please do alot of research before going to get your child on meds. most people with anxiety disorders honestly belive that meds make everything better-they dont work that way. sometimes they make life WORSE. try looking into therapy and counceling first. talk to doctors about it and let them know you dont want to push meds im a member of a depression forum i talk to people everyday about there meds and there atitudes towards them yes they help in small amount but you still really need thereapy. please dont tell your child how meds will make life easier or better becuase it doesnt your child is still going to have high levels of anxiety more so then others even on several meds. getting on a med is easy getting off of one is not so if a med i causing depression,thoughts of suicide,or any bad reaction it could take months weaning her off a drug like that. and even on those drugs she will still need to learn how to cope with her fears and anxiety even on medications.
i myself am on medications and trust me im on a med that does help BUT it does not get rid of all my issues i still need therapy.
and its very difficult for kids they dont understand whats goin on whats wrong with them thats why a therapist is more ideal them meds try therapy then try meds to help with the therapy.
i just warn not to take this lightly especielly in kids becuase it is so hard on them to be on meds so many kids have bad reactions and going thru the withdrawls trying to get off a med is even worse especielly since so many meds withdrawls can last littelry years of over sensativity to stimuli like sounds,light, ect severe depression, self harming behavior,uncontrolable shaking,loss of appitite,loss of energy or excessive amounts of energy,unable to concentrate very diffiuclt things to dealw ith please just do as much research as possable

 

[KristyHall]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

Quote:
This is the issue: we insisted the school do a thorough eval when she was in 2nd grade. That's when we got the yes she's very bright yes she's very dyslexic diagnosis. We had her screened by pediatricians for hypoglycemia and food allergies those came back negative. By trial and error I have learned certain products that trigger her but not certain yet which ingredients aggravate her - like she can eat of bowl of sugar and not really react but one bowl of Trix cereal and she's a nut case in half an hour or less. SO we watch her diet. She is quite underweight so we give her Ensure to boost her protein.

She had a good counselor that she loved but she left on maternity leave and did not come back. It's the 'you trust" issue. I have been in and out of therapy myself before and I think she would benefit from it, but getting one I trust is going to be an issue. And DH and I are not on the same page on this one. (Hence the fighting)

She was severely bullied at school last year, but it actually worked out for her because she used her resources well and when asking for help and applying techniques she had been taught actually helped her it made her feel good about her ability to control some aspects of her life. The parents of one of the bullies really helped too, they were horrified when they learned what their daughter had been doing and responded really well, not too much, but not ignoring it either.

How did you all find a good therapist? And Kristy you recommend a therapist even though somehow yours missed the abuse??

My mother went through several therapists before we found one that works. Many gave up on me but she refused to. 15 years after finding the right one I still have the same good therapist. finding one that woks for you is hard but it is not impossible.

Being the parent of a child with behavioral issues is very trying. I know! I put every grey hair my mother has on her head and I am grateful to this day for all she has done.

also... does she see you and your husband fight? Or over hear you guys talking about money problems or life/world problems? Having been a very nervous child myself, seeing fights or over hearing financial/world problems left me in terror and still affects me to this day. If i get down to 20 dollars in the checking account I have a panic attack. I am a near obsessive penny pincher (I'm a lot better about it now but there for a while YIKES) but it stems from childhood money insecurities. ( being homeless and such for a while)

Do you have chronic health problems? Or has she had a great loss or been rejected by a loved one? She could be terrified of loosing the people she loves and thus needs constant re-assurance. I'm not a therapist just speaking from my memories as a child and why I did those things.

have you tested her for celiac disease? It is the inability to digest gluten and or wheat products. it can cause behavioral problems, malnutrition, gastrointestinal distress, and general ill health. The treatment? Not eating products with gluten.​