Any good LAWYER jokes?

[spatcher]

I have a few - you go first! LOL

 

[Nemo]

This lawyer looks around, puzzled, because he's sitting in this waiting room. He has no idea how he got there. So, he goes over to the little window and asks the receptionist, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but what am I doing here?"

The receptionist gives him a sad smile and says, "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, Mr. Smith, but you've died. Please have a seat, and a case-worker will be with you soon, and then the staff will decided where you're going to spend eternity."

Mr. Smith is shocked. "Wait, wait, wait! I'm dead? I can't be dead. I'm in great shape... I jog five miles every day. How did I die?"

The receptionist ruffles through a clipboard full of papers and says, "It says here you died of old age."

"Old age?!? I'm forty-seven years old!"

"Well, by the number of hours you billed your clients, you should be a hundred and twelve."

 

[Buff Hooligans]

(You need to change your spelling in the title - lawyer, not laywer...)


I work for lawyers, so I'm not allowed to make jokes about them.

 

[ilovemychickies]

Quote:

 

[spatcher]

Quote:
Sorry, was tired!

 

[spatcher]

The difference between a lawyer and a carp?

One is a disgusting, bottom feeding scum sucker and the other one is a fish.

 

[joebryant]

Any good lawyer jokes?

Huh? There's no such thing as a GOOD lawyer; however, they're all a BAD joke.

 

[thechickenchick]

What do you call 10 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A GOOD START!

 

[DrakeMaiden]

All I can remember is the name of the law firm, I can't remember if it was part of a joke:

Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe!

 

[DrakeMaiden]

One of many I found here :

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"