any one with a older child with autism/aspergers?

[dntd]

He is unlike many kids because you can't redirect him though I try( I use that for my other kids), if he wants something he will try anything to get it, just focusing all day. He distroys things to the point that they have to be replaced. He has trashed a whole room in the basement to the point it's unlivable so now he has to sleep with the younger boys until I have enough time and money to fix it again.
I have tried so hard to get him help but he just doesn't fit in or they feel would make things worse.I am hopefully geting respite soon, the program offers 1 weekend a month. It's just so hard as I thought he would out grow this ,when he was little at 3 he was a terror and the only thing that kept me sane was knowing that kids grow up but as he got older he has increased his problems.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

You say he can't be redirected. Have you stopped trying? Have you found his interests and tried channeling those? Redirecting isn't always easy but it can be accomplished to a good degree. You need a good reward system set up so he can earn the things he likes and curb the bad behaviors. If he grows up with these systems it will help him when he gets to adulthood to become more independent. Right now it sounds like you are really worn out and just need a little break so you can be ready for the next challenge. Take a deep breath.

To add. Are you being told by therapists that he doesn't fit in the therapy? Uh then they need to find another form of therapy because they know he doesn't fit in and that's what they are supposed to be trying to help. Squeak your wheels and get the boy some more grease. Don't let them pass the buck.

 

[debilorrah]

You cannot redirect an Aspie - you can work with the current obsession though and entice them to earn the priviledge or thing they desire. Also you may need to go through 100 therapists before you find "The One" that your child connects with. They make sure you are ready to move when that therapist does!!!!!

 

[A1 Steak Sauce]

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[AngieChick]

I have a 14 year old. Fortunately, though he is on the autism spectrum he does not have any co-morbidity issues at this point. He's pretty well adjusted and content.

However, when he was in school we had many issues (until we pulled him out a year and a half ago). He was well on his way to a major depression. School was much too overstimulating and socially overwhelming. He would bring his stresses home and have break down after break down. He was a very sad little boy. We tried many different approaches and met time and again with his IEP team. Finally, as a family, we came to the conclusion that school was simply the wrong setting for him. He has not had a breakdown since. Surprisingly, his social skills (along with many others) have improved in a major way. Looking back, of course he didn't perform well socially in school, he was just too stressed. We do have to approach things differently with him, and our goals are different than the typical 5 or 6 subject education. But, it works for us. I can't tell you how much better life is for all of us now that we have found what works for him. Maturity doesn't hurt, either. His communication skills have improved tremendously, which only helps the situation.

When he was younger he always wanted to please and though he didn't always have an eye out for danger he did listen to me when I explained things clearly and bluntly to him. I always said that I deserve a medal for just keeping the kid alive through his early years. He had no sense of personal safety. Fortunately, all of my nagging seems to have sunk in and he is much more aware of his surroundings now.

I guess what I am getting at is that yes, it can get better. There are children with autism who will require intensive care forever, but that would be unusual for someone with Aspergers. To get your son to a better point may require all of your patience and perseverance, but you will figure out what works. It's not easy, and we all second guess ourselves all the time. But, make sure to always be thinking about the big picture and long term goals, don't get caught up in minutia.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

Quote:
Deb what you are describing is a system of redirection through rewards (even if the reward has to do with the obsession). While it is imperative that the right therapist and therapies be found; it's equally imperative for those strategies to be used in the home setting on a consistent basis.

 

[dntd]

I don't stop trying to redirecting, though it never works. His obsessions are really not something I would feed, at first I thought o.k it's safe stickers and blocks in his one peice covertafoot jammies and then it was anything science related( heck we even made a trip to a science center for him) ,then it was searching all day for nothing(odd but it didn't hurt anything oher then social interactions),Then can a bad obsession with fire, which led to knifes and war. Yep that's how it's went. He doesn't do rewards well,he will continue doing what he wants doesn't care about later he lives in the now.

The school has had a meeting and they can't offer a low enrollment class as that is considered old school( thier words). I feel they have no idea what they are doing, he sees the school counceller and she tells me he's depressed haha, that kid has never been depressed in his life,they bring up stuff that really is non of thier buiness but take is crazy serous ex"your son said you were going to take 2 boys to florida and leave him home if he doesn't start to behave" Of course he had over heard that, and truth be told he is unable to remain safe and listen in a smaller amusment park how the heck is he going to stay safe in a huge one! also he's stressed out about getting to school on time so they decided he should get bused, we live 5 mins from the school! he is over wieght and need the walk! Math stresses him out so he only has to do a tiny bit of it. I swear he is manipulating them,he's super good at it. Once he convinced an 11 year old he was jewish even though he was catholic,whent to a catholic and even went to a catholic school!(jewish and muslim were an obsession at one time).Of course that's funny, one to share at the wedding