any one with a older child with autism/aspergers?

[dntd]

My son is 10 almost 11 and he has aspergers( along with adhd,ocd,tourettes,sensory intergration++) anyways, he's starting to have me wondering if he'll ever be able to care for himself,do they grow out of it?. Today was just so tough and I have no idea how I'll beable to deal with him soon. He's 125lbs and non stop crazy. Today he was playing in the back yard and distroyed my raised garden beds then ran to the park across the so I ran after him yelled at him to get home and in the house, soon after cops show up because someone called due to "welfare issues" heck I didn't swear nor threat ( other then he's just getting seeds for his birthday,grab him or anything.I just can't do this for the rest of my life! he's not getting better , my house is always trashed he seems to break all the things I like and he steals like mad( actually eats most of our food)! Is it possible he'll out grow this? so upset, for 2 years no meds have worked on him! I am so ready to quit school and just stay home. I'm checking up on a place that offers respite and help. Right now I really can't even take him places as he is horrible when we go out,he's one of the reasons our summer vacation this year is a staycation as last year he would take off and head for the lake by himself!

 

[SpringChickens]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are doing the best you can, so just keep it up. Make sure you get a break from him when you can catch one. Good luck.

 

[Whispering Winds]

I have a 33 year old daughter who has Asperger and she can manage on her own, but will always make bad choices, mostly men. No matter how much we all talk and "show" her the right way to go about things, she is a hard head and says the right things, and then jumps in with both feet. She is living with her twin sister right now, and so far so good, but I can't see it lasting for a long period of time.

Call your local mental health dept., and see if they could help you. They might be able to send someone to the house to work with you or he might be able to have special help in a facility close by. My DD was in spec. ed pre-school, but had such a photogenic memory she was a straight A student, and actually did very well mentally all through grade school and jr. high and high school. It was when she was in college that the depression and behaviorial disorder was misdiagnosed and we really had some tough times, but she came through it. I don't like all the medications she is on, but they do seem to keep her balanced. She is a wonderful sweet person, was never distructive, only to herself with some of her choices.

Good luck, and hang in there. If anyone understands what you are going through, I do!!

 

[crabbymomma]

My son is 8 and is bipolar with aspergers and OCD. He does good for awhile and then has another bipolar episode and we start all over again. Meds and occupational therapy helped some. I worry about the same things. How he will turn out, what kind of man he will be, will he live on him own, can I keep him out trouble? Have you tried Baker's Act? It sucks, but can be a big help.

 

[debilorrah]

Aspies, with the RIGHT type of counseling, can be miracle people. Usually doctors who dont have to deal with people on a regular basis. My boss has an 18 year old son with Aspergers and his latest obession is that he is 32% American Indian, and wants to attend every single pow-wow going on in SoCal. However, he is BRILLIANT in math. He is currently being encouranged in many directions where that talent is useful.

Focus on what the child is GOOD at, and not so much on where he/she lacks. It is imperative that the skills they possess are integrated into their future.

 

[saddina]

Generally, a child with aspergers will show a strong preferance for math and sciences, if they do it's a good thing to focus on what they can do. Our Evan is high-functioning, his logic in social areas is dicey, but give the kid a robotics set, and he'll build a robot to clean your toilets.

No, he won't grow out of it, but with some redirecting (and be blunt with the doc if that med isn't working, try another) he may be able to live independantly.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

Taking food from the pantry isn't stealing. It could be sneaky and it could be gluttony but it is not stealing. You need to find out why he is eating as much as he is. Is he always hungry like many boys his age or is it a comfort thing. Are you dealing with a food is my friend situation. You have to address why he's doing it in order to deal with the behavior. As far as tearing things up and going crazy that doesn't come so much from the Aspergers. That has more to do with adhd. A lot of people grow out of it, many don't. You need to find a way to channel that energy. Figure out what he excels at (most asperger's kids have an area that they really do great with) and find activities to occupy his time. He's only 10, at this point I wouldn't worry too much about him growing up and being totally independent unless he still couldn't handle personal care and by that I don't mean running around dirty and having to be told to take a bath like most 10 year old boys, I mean able to bathe himself, brush his teeth, comb his hair and dress himself. Go to the doctors and have his meds adjusted if you need to and get with the school about his OT and counseling for his social skills. He may need more than he's getting.

10 through 13 is a really hard age for kids in general. It's especially hard on kids with Aspergers but you will get through it.

 

[skeeter03]

refocusing him is the only thing I can suggest also whatever he has wrecked he needs to fix! Just as you would do with any other kid
find a reward system for him when he does good and stays focused on a task at hand. The food thing - maybe have a designated drawer in the fridge that he can have for his own healthy snacks and a spot in a cupboard the same way.
I took care of an Autistic lady and boy was she quick at getting snacks out of the cupboard lol you couldnt even pee without her sneaking something she could get out of her chair sneak her snack eat it and be back in her chair before you had a chance to get out of the bathroom. constant reminders for her to stay put in her chair was what broke that and letting her have some freedom with her snacks and drinks.
maybe buy something that could let him get his energy out. Taking him for a walk a few times a day might work to get energy out and that is a good fast paced walk
YOu might not have time for any of this but its just suggestions.
Hope you can find a solution and that things go easier for you.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

I agree with the others. I would definitely try to redirect him. I don't have any children with any of those diagnosis' so I won't preach to you. I do have four boys and of the four two have always been more destructive. I'd give them a toy and two minutes later they're trying to smash it. I stopped buying them expensive items. One of them is now 22 and has outgrown it. The other is now six. I give him boxes to break down, any construction material that needs to be broken down he gets it. I have him saw longer pieces of wood for the stove. He gets exhausted but he keeps at it. When my older boy was going through this we used to give him our old broken electronics and told him to fix them. He never did but it provided him hours of staying busy with something he couldn't hurt. I'm so sorry you have this hurdle in life. I do have a friend that adopted a boy that sounds very much like yours. I know that she finally had to quit her job. I think these kids, whether diagnosed or not, need more of our time. BUT, having said that, make sure you get a break too. Try to join a support group so you can meet other families dealing with similar problems. Sometimes knowing that you're not alone helps.

 

[fanniefarkle]

dntd, what kind of therapy does your child receive? My child was diagnosed as autistic at age 2.5 (he's 5.5 now). Occupational therapy has been the best thing ever for him. Also, have you read The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Stock Karnowitz? It gives all kids of strategies and ideas for helping with sensory processing disorders. hang in there! amanda