Any other childless chicken moms out there?

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I can remember that "oh god, my period is late" panic. My lifelong, childless by choice friend told me those were some of the hardest moments to go through. If you know you don't want kids, you should be able to opt out permanently. We opted out shortly after the second one was born (him, not me) and most of my close freinds has done the same option. My sister, the only one of us children who was sure she wanted kids, opted out when she saw what kind of father her husband was. Wildly different parenting styles would have resulted in divorce before the kid was 5. ARGGHH, the patronisticaly (sp) that comes with a doctor not wanting to help makes me crazy.
 
I have two children, and when I asked for my tubal, I was still questioned about it. It's ridiculous.

I was one of those "never going to have kids" people. I basically changed my mind because my husband *so* wanted kids. We had our little girl, all was well. He begged me for a second child, and my Scott, Jr. was born with a massive heart defect. Two open heart surgeries, stroke, staph endocarditis, and he's 16 months old.

I take care of my kids, love them the best I can, but there is a lot of saddness and angst over my boy's heart defect. There is a lot of guilt in parenting, at least for me, because I tend to blame myself for everything that goes wrong. Children are, after all, products of their environments.

The children my husband begged me for are often an afterthought for him in his busy day. He loves his kids, but spends very little time with them. He is, however the first to brag about what a good Mother I am.
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Don't get me wrong, I have a good marriage and life and I do love my children, I'm just pointing out that even the best of intentions are often laid to waste.

I applaud those of you who have made your choice to be child-free. Enjoy your lives, be yourselves, and never second guess your choice.

Jess
 
2 years ago when i was 30 and in for my annual exam, my obgyn finally gave me the go ahead on the tubal. she laughed as she read over my charts and showed me where every year since i was 17 that i had answered the question 'do you want children' with ...
hell no!
dear god never
absolutely positively not!
i shudder at the thought
and other various answers, she said she'd never seen such persistance.

it's only been a year since the surgery, but as time goes by i'm more happy every day about my decision.

btw, don't you just hate to hear "scoot forward"?

i have infinite respect for women who choose to have children, but i kinda think ya'll are crazy
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scoot forward. *shudder*
LOL.

Any girls, for me, there was no miracle of birth. My first child was 2 weeks overdue, 9 lbs 2 oz and forcibly evicted. My second child was 2 weeks early and there were literally 15-20 people watching so they could take him for testing after he was born.

If not for the epidurals, I wouldn't have been able to do either.

Jess
 
I always had endometriosis when I was in grade school and high school, nothing docs could do for me at that time except asprins and hot water bottles and rest in bed. It finally settled down when I went to college and then came back with full force after I had my daughter. Doc could not find anything wrong with me....CRAP!

Thank God for epidurals! Man, I was really enjoying my labor time until it was time to deliver. Well after an hour and half lpushing, boy, the shocking pain down my back and leg hurts like no end and very very painful toward the end when my daughter was stuck in the pelvic region instead of traveling down the canal like she should be. Out she came after emergency C section, boy, she had red bruises across from the bridge of her nose all across her right cheek...no wonder with all the problems LOL. Goodness, no more for me!

I hate that scoot forward thing and that metal thingy, jesus, it hurts and they kept telling me to relax.....my female OB doc didnt have that BIG of a thing and it was comfortable as I can be and loved it. Now I got a male OB doc, so why dont he ram that thing in his private parts for a change.....curse the inventor that made that device!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
WOW! Is this ever a good post to read! Every woman should read this...I've never read so much honesty, truth, sorrow, sadness, humor at one time in one place, one right after the other...

I am also childless or um, childfree (I like that term by the way). I had a lil' girl when I was 21 by my then boyfriend who used to beat the tar out of me. Our lil' girl was born with a cleft palate (spelling?) and she would cry a lot and had to be fed a special way, he didn't have any patience with me or her and one nite he took to hitting me and knocked me and her to the floor... I grabbed her and the next day I sat on the floor outside of her bedroom door and cried and cried until I broke down and made the call to an adoption agency...I knew this wasn't a life that I wanted to give her. I was messed up for even being with this jerk and I felt I wasn't being fair to her...she deserved better. It was a long road, my heart aches just to see the words, my daughter. She was adopted by a loving family, we corresponded thru most of her childhood. They would give details as to how she was doing and they would send pictures. They said that they were raising her knowing she, herself, was adopted. I would always respond, "please tell her I love her"..."always".

Well, that was 24 years ago, I haven't received any correspondence since she was 15 years of age. Of course, I haven't sent any either... It's not that I don't want to know, I do. But I'm scared. There isn't a knock on the door these days that I don't wonder, "is that her?" Part of me wants to see her, hug her, tell her why I did what I did but a part of me doesn't... I'm not proud of what I did, it was the hardest thing I have ever done and my heart will never, ever heal. I have heard it all, especially in my case..."Oh my God, how could you give up your baby once you held her in your arms?!"... Well, when you've got some guy telling you how much he loves you and then punching you in the face before he even finishes saying it - doesn't exactly say a whole lot for where my head was at. I was one of those women who was battered, apologized to, battered, apologized to, battered, etc...etc...etc...

I am 45 now and married to a great man and have been for 15 years. We talked about having a child but we both came from less-than-perfect backgrounds. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at the age of 39 and I dunno, something just told me "no" to having children. Sure, some call it selfish, I call it right. There is an inner peace that comes with making that decision and its a decision that is personal. I hate the fact that we have unwanted and abused children in this world, its uncalled for. I don't understand folks going thru all of these fertility treatments and then popping out 6 kids when there are children lined up needing someone to love them and raise them. I know I'm gonna hear it for saying that and that's okay...

Anyway, I think this is great and I enjoyed reading all of the posts here. I didn't realize that there were so many that felt the same way. Its almost taboo to talk about this and talk about it honestly. Well, I hope I haven't said to much and I hope you don't look down on me. I may have very well burned a bridge here and goodness knows, where am I gonna go for chicken help if I don't have you?!!

Thank you for sharing all of your stories. Something tells me I'm gonna be alright after all...

Blessings,
TJ
 
TJ, My heart is breaking for you. Your childs father was a wretched person. I stand by you in your choice to let her go. I can hardly type my response through the tears. Please don't ever feel guilty for your choice to protect your baby!
 
TJ, I am proud of you for sharing your story. I can't imagine how painful it must be. But often, in sharing our stories, some of the pain is lifted. Maybe not all, but some.

My husband was adopted at 3 weeks old. I thank my lucky stars that his mother decided to give him up for adoption so that he could have a better life...because otherwise, it's likely I wouldn't have met him. You had a unique opportunity, corresponding with your daughter, and the most important thing is that she knows the truth and that she'll carry it with her for the rest of her life: you gave her up because you loved her.

Amy
 
jessed1227, your story is my greatest fear realized... because of my age (39), I am at greater risk of having a baby with birth defects. I know myself, and I would have an extremely hard time coping with a healthy child, let alone a child with serious health issues. My heart goes out to you.

TJ, you did the right thing... don't kick yourself too hard about being with that jerk; believe me, you're not the only woman out there who hooked up with an idiot when you were young. You did the right and the best thing you could have done for both you and your daughter.
 

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