Any other childless chicken moms out there?

[Agilityscots]

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That's interesting, Lurky. You'd be surprised at how many times I've been told I'm selfish for not wanting kids! I've never understood that...if someone realizes that they're not good parenting material, how is it selfish to purposely avoid harming another human being? I think selfish is having kids and not thinking about what you're doing, like you said.

Amy

 

[CarriBrown]

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And I think it's better to KNOW that and respect it than it is to have kids anyway. It ends up being a bad situation for everyone.
I wasn't maternal at all, but I changed. I just did. And some people don't. That's ok with me.
Agility- One thing that really p***ed me off was the thought of someone saying to me, "I told you so!" But you know what, it hasn't happened.
Trust me, I will NEVER tell anyone they will change their mind.

 

[lurky]

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That's interesting, Lurky. You'd be surprised at how many times I've been told I'm selfish for not wanting kids! I've never understood that...if someone realizes that they're not good parenting material, how is it selfish to purposely avoid harming another human being? I think selfish is having kids and not thinking about what you're doing, like you said.

Amy

Yes exactly........I had to work 10 hours a day to NOT raise my daughter on the system. Me, (being a single mom) meant that working THAT MUCH to support my kid just meant that i was not there to raise her. Lucky for her i had a mom and grandmother to help. We all raised her together. I used my life to teach her why NOT to have kids. If she wants to have them thats her choice. But if both parents have to work to support the kid/s, who is raising them? BTW....her name is AMY.

 

[mlheran]

My husband and I are both 31 and quite happy with our family of two.

In all honesty, I think the reasons why we don't have children and the reasons why we would are the same -that is, selfishness. We are selfish of each other; our time together and our time as individuals. We both have work and interests that keep us busy, occupied, and satisfied. We both grew up in less than ideal family situations and saw what can happen when a child is neglected and abused or coddled and kept away from the world, and know that neither is an acceptable upbringing. We also don't think we could provide a comfortable living for another person -it's hard enough with us, a dog, a cat, 9 chickens, and 6 ducks!

Besides, we'd want our kid to be brought up without all the toys & crap kids have now -and without the attitude most of them seem to have. Fostering imagination and intelligence is far more valuable and longer lasting than any electronic "babysitter." (But I'd better stay away from that soapbox.

) So you see, our reasons for having children would be selfish too, in that we'd only want the best for them, we'd want them to be better behaved than other children their age, and I just plain can't think of a reason to have children that doesn't have some selfishness in it. Basically it boils down to needing to be selfless to have children, I think. (That, and incredibly financially secure!) And we're mature and sensible enough to know that we don't have it in us to be parents.

While we're not being overly extreme in maintaining our family of two, we're certainly not going out of our way to make the possibility of children any easier! If one comes our way we will do our best. We already had a good scare a couple of years ago (which turned out to be a false alarm) that gave us some quality time to evaluate our current situation and some of the great unknowns -health, finances, security, etc.

Okay, I'll stop rambling now! It's just always nice to know that there are other two-person families out there. (And I really wish there was another label besides "childless" -the "less" always seems to imply that we're lacking somehow.)

And for fun...
Granted, their view is rather extreme, but I really get a kick out of VHEMT's "Why Breed?" table of "reasons given, real reasons, and suggested alternatives" (scroll to find it). It should be required reading, in my not-so-humble opinion.

 

[DoctorGoose]

Yup--childless, but not by choice....*sigh*

Although (since men generally tend to avoid me at all costs) I have been thinking about becoming a foster mother. To human children, that is, as well as to my animals--I think that these abused and orphaned children could really benefit from being around animals...the only thing I worry about is if I got a "bad apple" kid who tried to kill all my animals....UGH. That's the only thing that's stopping me.... but I AM so maternal, as my parents can attest to, with me bringing home every loose stray I could find when I was a kid, LOL.

But I do have to say, I don't really like babies (the Homo sapien kind, that is). They're noisy and fussy and generally a lot of work and keep you up all hours of the night. I'm sure if I had my own, I'd feel different, but, in the meantime--I'll just stick to them critters who can feed themselves and poop without a change!

 

[DuckLady]

I am childless, too. It was a choice thqat I made in my twenties. By the time I was 25 I knew I never wanted kids. I never felt I would be a good parent and didn't want to subject a human to a bad mother. (I had a fabulous Mom, BTW.) I am selfish and I didn't want to spend my hard earned money on anyone else or clean up yak or diapers or vomit. I hate listening to tantrums and screamers.
My friends and family would say, "Oh when it is YOURS it is so different". Well, maybe, but what if I was right? Then what? I would have been stuck with a kid I didn't want to have. Not fair, not by a long shot...to me or a child. It was not an easy decision. I had to wrestle with my conscience and pressure from family, but I know in my heart it was the right decision.

The kicker for me was the ultimate birth control.
My friends asked if I wanted to see the video of her son's birth. I made some popcorn and settled down for what I thought would be an enjoyable 30 minutes or so. I was expecting a discreet shot of her in a hospital bed with the sheets at a modest level. Perhaps a touch of sweat dampening her brow. And then a slap, a wail and then cut to a CLEAN baby wrapped in a blankie with smiling nurses and parents and grandparents, etc.

OMG!!! The horror! The video showed EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
YUK! I am cringing just thinking about it. The baby was wrinkled and squashed into an alien shape and bloated and an obnoxious reddish purple color.

Eew. That put the final stamp on the no kids decision for me.

 

[thndrdancr]

Terrie, you have me laughing hysterically.

Every time someone used to say about a very young babe, even that first month, "Arent they sooo Cuuuuute???", and i would look and think whats cute about that purplish critter squalling and all wrinkled and stuff. Oh the horror!

 

[DuckLady]

LOL, My cousin sent me a pic of her (clean) newborn. I turned to my hubby and said "Eeew, LOOK!"
He said "what?"
I said "What do I SAY to her?"
He said "You say "What a beautiful baby!"
I said , "ICK! But it has PURPLE lips and a head like an eggplant"
He said "It is a girl and repeat after me....Dear Cousin, your baby girl is GORGEOUS. Say nothing else."

SHUDDER!

 

[Chellester]

I am 39 as of today and childless by choice. I never got that "baby urge" that I hear all my friends talking about. I had a bad childhood, and I'm afraid that if I have children, I'll take it out on them even though that's the last thing I would want to do to my kids. I had two bad marriges and had alcohol, drugs, physical and emotional abuse in both, so there was no way I was going to bring kids into those messes. I'm in my third (last!) marriage, and though my current husband doesn't beat me or use drugs, I don't think he is mature enough to handle kids and the changes that would happen to my body as a result. I know this might sound weird, but it's like I love my kids too much to have them!

 

[mlheran]

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That reminds me of something I learned in my children's portraiture class: our teacher told us to never take a commission of an infant under six months of age because, in her words, "they really did have faces only their mothers could love."