Anyone else have a spouse with cancer?

[dixiegal62]

My husband has stage 3 colon cancer. They got the cancer out and we are half way through chemo. It's all so scary, you hear so many horror stories and it seems nobody beats it. I try not to think that way and I never say anything negative out loud but the fear is always there.

Right now our focus is all about getting through the chemo which is making him so sick. My hear goes out to him and it's frustrating seeing the man who has always been right at your side working along with you not be able to be the way he always has been. There's not much I can do to help him feel better physically but I do everything in my power to help him with the emotional part of it. He's half way through his treatments and we both keep our eyes on the end of July when this part will be over and he'll feel like himself again.

I feel bad for even putting this in writing but I can't voice it out loud and I'm hoping typing it will help me deal better.First I want to say there is nothing I would not do for this man. We will be married 31 years on the 23rd of this month and he is my life. That being said.... I'm just so tired, neither of us seem to sleep well anymore. My day starts at 3am not because it has to but because there's just no sense laying in bed with your eyes wide open, so you might as well get up. I take care of our farm, garden, home. I took over running our painting business, which thankfully we have a great crew of workers and all I have to do is the business side of it. Spring is so busy with cleaning the homestead, gardening etc.Trying to balance everything and still have time with husband, kids and grand kids. We had also moved my bedridden Mom and my Step Father in with us over a year ago, but I just couldn't keep up with everything and they went to stay with my brother awhile ( at least until chemo is over and things settle down ) which makes me feel terrible. I know this sounds like I'm complaining but I'm not really. I love my life and my family. It's just sometimes you get so tired you don't know how your going to pull it all off. Guess I'm just reaching out to anyone else that might be going through this, sometimes you just feel so alone even though your surrounded by loved ones.

 

[dewey]

It's really ok to prioritize and delegate some tasks to others, and also to let some other things go for a while. Cancer and its treatment can shake one's world to the core and begins what seems like being caught up in the chaos an out of control whirlwind, while still yet having to function and deal with everything else in life. It's tough for all involved and being overwhelmed and exhausted and fearful seems to be a common denominator. One person can only do so much before it takes its toll. It's good to talk to others about it, and everybody that is there or has been there will completely understand, and it helps with the feelings of isolation.

Some use mild sleep aids or other methods to get some much needed sleep...laying awake in bed at 3am alone with our thoughts can seem like the loneliest place on earth. And unless a farm is the major source of income, a lot of people I know (including myself) have sold livestock and let gardening go (and/or delegated those tasks to willing others)...whatever it takes to lighten the work load for the time being. Receiving support from others going through it and enlisting help to decrease day to day tasks can make a dramatic difference in our mental and physical well being.

Through no fault of anyone you've suddenly been thrust into taking on more roles than anybody would ever expect 1 person to be able to stretch that far.

 

[mstricer]

My heart goes out for you and your husband. My mom went through the same thing.with my dad. He waited to long to say anything to my mom about him being sick until it was too late. I will say a pray for both of you. Please take a mental health day and go to the spa, or just take a walk in the woods. Something for you. Michele

 

[redhen]

I'm so sorry..

 

[stargazingmommy]

My husband has chronic myelogenous leukemia. He was just diagnosed a couple months ago. His white blood count last week was up from 52.2 to 68.2(normal is 4.5-10).
I've taken to taking a lot of long hot baths so I can be alone to cry

 

[mixitup]

I am so sorry you ladies have to deal with this. Do not give up hope though. Just because there are things you 'hear' does not mean that is the way it has to be or go. I agree, delegate as much as you can, get rid of what you can, make hubby no1 and don't feel any regrets. Do what is important and let the rest slide-it will still be there tomorrow. If you can, hire someone to help out on the farm for now. Let someone else deal with the painting business. And yes, definitely, have a long soak in the tub! Take care of yourself too, hubby will feel even worse if you don't. I know about this one. My stepdad had cancer and a heart condition. He worried more about the effect on everyone else than himself. So if you are having a hard time, hubby will know, even if you think he doesn't.

 

[dixiegal62]

My husband has chronic myelogenous leukemia. He was just diagnosed a couple months ago. His white blood count last week was up from 52.2 to 68.2(normal is 4.5-10).
I've taken to taking a lot of long hot baths so I can be alone to cry

I'm so sorry. I understand about the long baths. I do the same in the shower. If you ever just need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me.

 

[featherfinder]

I am so sorry to the both of you. Mine is not a spouse but it is my grandma who has leukemia and starts 4 more rounds of chemo in June. I see what it does to her and she has my uncle who is handicapped that lives with her. When she is going threw her chemo my mom and I usually take turns going over to her house to do the cleaning and upkeep and make them dinner since she is always so sick during it. I hope that everything gets better for you guys and that it will all be well soon! Anything is possible so remember to keeps your heads up and look towards a brighter future.

 

[stargazingmommy]

I'm so sorry. I understand about the long baths. I do the same in the shower. If you ever just need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me.

thanks, feel free to do the same