Anyone non-religious here? Please be nice!

[SunnyDawn]

Quote:
Not having to think for myself. It was a cop-out but there is a measure of security in not having to take responsibility for yourself and to let someone else make the hard decisions for you. My choices are a lot better thought out these days but it's also a lot more work when you quit hiding behind a doctrine or a preset list of rights and wrongs. I think for a while I just let my brain atrophy. It was an easy way out but I gladly let others make all my decisions for me for several years. I'm not proud of it and I saw it as being "faithful and devout" but I realize now it was really the cowardly choice. I was just tired and it was easy.

 

[justuschickens59]

I agree SunnyDawn, it definitely was hard to learn to think for myself again.

But I think the hardest thing for me to give up in Christianity was the fact that "I" was now responsible for my actions. I could no longer place the blame on the "devil." I had to look at myself in the mirror and know that it was MY choice to do the wrong thing, that it was ME who would have to accept responsibility for that act, and that "I" would have to atone for my actions. It sure was a whole lot easier to go through life blaming everything I did wrong on the "devil" and then "ask" for forgiveness and go merrily on my way. It is so much more inconvenient to no longer have a scapegoat on whom I can blame everything. That was really tough for me.

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:

That sorta sums up how my DH feels about things... maybe not even so specific as A Creator... just... "Something"... his parents I THINK have a similar sentiment... his mom uses the bible when she's arguing something, but doesn't actually live by it or attend services of any kind. His dad, well don't think we've ever discussed it... he's a pretty private fella and I would guess that he feels like I do... that a person's beliefs are THEIR beliefs so what should it matter to anyone else so long as they aren't hurting anyone else? *shrug*

Me, I believe in human beings... that all the good in the world resides in the human heart (actually brain but you get the sentiment) and likewise that all the evil in the world resides there as well. IE my kiddos... it was me and hubby's activities that led to their being here... not a creator deciding we deserved them... likewise a killer kills because he wants too, due to greed, can't control animal instincts with human intellect/conscience, etc... same for thieves, rapists, etc... not because a devil made him do it. I reckon if a devil and god are pulling our puppet strings then how are we responsible for any of our choices in life? Ghandi? Naw, he wasn't a self-sacrificing fella... god just wanted to make a point so he used this puppet to do it... Al Quida? Naw, those aren't evil/misguided people, the devil just likes causing trouble and these are willing puppets. Those statements just don't work for me. I believe we're responsible for our own choices, good or bad, and that makes it pretty well impossible to believe in (blame?) an outer force for my achievements/foibles. I would be hard pressed to believe in our justice system if I really thought that no one was actually in control of their choices... I mean, if you KNOW that this person was born just so they could become a killer... some fated plan... then how do you condemn them for doing what they were put on the earth to do? Bit of a conundrum really. *passes salt shaker*

OY, well that turned into a ramble... my apologies... if it's off topic then Modly Ones please feel free to snip it, perhaps just leave the italics?

 

[SunnyDawn]

Quote:
Sounds like we are on the exact same page. That was exactly my point. There is no one else to blame or defer to. We finally have to take responsibility for our own decisions, words, actions. My choices now are much more thought out and responsible than they ever were when I felt no obligation to own up to my own stuff. That's why I'm so floored when Christians ask how I can be so moral without religion to guide me.
Not lumping all christians together, I only know where I came from, but I rarely met a really moral christian in the church I attended! It's ludicrous to me that they puzzle over my moral choices.

They just look confused when I say that it's important to me to be the best human being I can because I need to be able to like myself. That debilitating guilt, when I do something less than stellar, just isn't there. If I'm unhappy with my behavior, I try to change it. It's as simple as that.

PineappleMama sounds like you are on the same page, as many of us are on this thread, as well.

 

[nop169]

For those who used to be religious, what was the most difficult part of religion to give up? Was it a community of like minded people? A fear in hell? The belief in the rapture? Certainity about life?

My wife & I have stopped going to church 2 years ago... we were Independent Baptist (very conservative) but there were portions that we did not totally agree with - interpretation of a wife's subjection to her husband was one... growing up in the south - you must understand that a southern twist is adhered to bible teachings.... the castacation of other races.... such things were not ok with us.... that being said - we did like the conservative teachings & the relationship with our God... we stopped going after 20 years due to the people.... What do we miss - the community of like minded people that we could trust with all of our burdens & joys..... the release of tension in a good service.... the feeling of belonging to a greater good. What we found repetively is that in times of stress in the church the people became vindictive, petty & would stab you in the back after being "family" for years... we do not play that game....
The above being said... we still believe in our God - we still live moral lives - we still pray & read & our youngest still goes to a private Christian school. I would love to find a group of people who would just live & encourage each other... a group who would forget status, wealth & ingrained hatreds. A group of people like found on BYC & SS forum! People who could discuss diffrences without being obnoxious & petty.
I believe I am spiritual - I believe that God directs our path & that our life experiences are lessons outlined for us to learn & grow. I no longer believe in organized religion.... sadly.... I do not think that my lack of sitting on a pew affects my afterlife or my core beliefs... and finally I hope I pass my beliefs to my youngest child through our lives and with DD being 11 years old - it seems we have at this point.
We never believed the man in the pulpit exclussively - we are adults & are capable of finding our truth... and we still are able to do so... but I do miss the interaction, the shoulder to cry with when life throws sorrow our way & the hands to clasp in exaultation when life throws joy - the feeling of an extended family who truely cares... whether that was reality for many years or whether people today have changes I still do not know - I only know life is too short to be subjected to emotional stress by others. I end with the quote I have used before that explains much for me:

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey but rather spiritial beings on a humane one...​

 

[greyhorsewoman]

I've sporadically followed this thread ... so sorry if this has been mentioned before, but wanted to recommend a book I am currently reading called "The God Virus." Has anybody else read this? My mother-in-law recommended it and it is quite interesting. We are basically 'atheists' ... though I do believe a spirit exists in all things. My children grew up without any 'church' though discussions about religion were commonplace. Both are happy well-adjusted adults.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
Sounds like we are on the exact same page. That was exactly my point. There is no one else to blame or defer to. We finally have to take responsibility for our own decisions, words, actions. My choices now are much more thought out and responsible than they ever were when I felt no obligation to own up to my own stuff. That's why I'm so floored when Christians ask how I can be so moral without religion to guide me.
Not lumping all christians together, I only know where I came from, but I rarely met a really moral christian in the church I attended! It's ludicrous to me that they puzzle over my moral choices.

They just look confused when I say that it's important to me to be the best human being I can because I need to be able to like myself. That debilitating guilt, when I do something less than stellar, just isn't there. If I'm unhappy with my behavior, I try to change it. It's as simple as that.

PineappleMama sounds like you are on the same page, as many of us are on this thread, as well.

To me this is very powerful. You aren't being good or respecting others out of a fear of punishment or because you love an unseen being, but because you have decided that you have the power to choose to be good.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
Is that by Dawkins? I want to read some of his books but haven't started any yet.

 

[SunnyDawn]

Quote:
Sounds like we are on the exact same page. That was exactly my point. There is no one else to blame or defer to. We finally have to take responsibility for our own decisions, words, actions. My choices now are much more thought out and responsible than they ever were when I felt no obligation to own up to my own stuff. That's why I'm so floored when Christians ask how I can be so moral without religion to guide me.
Not lumping all christians together, I only know where I came from, but I rarely met a really moral christian in the church I attended! It's ludicrous to me that they puzzle over my moral choices.

They just look confused when I say that it's important to me to be the best human being I can because I need to be able to like myself. That debilitating guilt, when I do something less than stellar, just isn't there. If I'm unhappy with my behavior, I try to change it. It's as simple as that.

PineappleMama sounds like you are on the same page as many of us are on this thread.

To me this is very powerful. You aren't being good or respecting others out of a fear of punishment or because you love an unseen being, but because you have decided that you have the power to choose to be good.

It is very powerful! Also empowering, especially after being taught, for so many years, that we were just pawns of good and evil beings.

greyhorsewoman, thanks for the book recommendation. I'll look for it the next time I had out to the book store. I'm out of reading material right now.

 

[deb1]

One thing that I miss is understanding where I stand on prayer. I have always prayed and not just to recieve things or be blessed, just to talk to God. Now that I am uncertain as to whether I believe in God or not, I feel a bit silly praying but I admit, I miss doing so.