Anyone not able to have Children?

[cassie]

I'll tell you little story. I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse, but in any event you might find it interesting. Many years ago I was a nursing student. At this particular time my rotation was on the maternity floor. My patient had come into the ER with severe abdominal pains. She had pains all right. I think the "pain"weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces and was a baby boy. I took care of this woman after delivery, and she was in a state of total shock. She was 42 years old. She had been married for over 20 years and had never used any form of birth control. She had been told early on that she could not have children. She had no idea she was pregnant. The thought never entered her head. I could understand why. When her periods stopped, she just thought she was entering menopause. She was a large woman. Not fat, but big boned and her pelvic region was wide and deep. She didn't expand much during her pregnancy. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when she called her husband at work and told him what she had done that day. Fortunately for her, in that day and age women stayed in the hospital for at least four days after delivery. This gave her husband a little time to rustle up some supplies for the new addition. I have thought of that woman a lot over the years.

 

[Bush Chickens]

Wow!

 

[newfoundland]

I find it really upsetting that a person can feel that they will never be wanted because they can't have children. I'm sure there are many men in this position as well. My dream for them is they find their life companion and love and nuture each other and are lucky enough to be able to nurture a child as well.

 

[Quailsong]

OP, I don't have the same issue as you, but there's some things I can relate with.

In my case, I don't intend to have children. Along with my poor family genetics (which I've no intention of spreading), and health issues (which probably would make me infertile anyways), I find in my life not having kids is the best choice for me personally. I'm too much a kid myself, and don't think I'll grow out of that mindset. For me, taking care of kids means I have to grow up & get 'serious' with my life. And that's not a life/style I want to follow.

I do have a partner, and am happily married. My partner is completely fine with not having kids. We've talked about it plenty of times and I know without a doubt he's not worried about spreading his genes and such. He just wants a happy, loving life with the person he's with. That's the message I want to share with you; that if you be yourself, confident with who you are, you will find someone who will enjoy being around you regardless of your fertility level.

 

[crazyfarmer]

I'll tell you little story. I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse, but in any event you might find it interesting. Many years ago I was a nursing student. At this particular time my rotation was on the maternity floor. My patient had come into the ER with severe abdominal pains. She had pains all right. I think the "pain"weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces and was a baby boy. I took care of this woman after delivery, and she was in a state of total shock. She was 42 years old. She had been married for over 20 years and had never used any form of birth control. She had been told early on that she could not have children. She had no idea she was pregnant. The thought never entered her head. I could understand why. When her periods stopped, she just thought she was entering menopause. She was a large woman. Not fat, but big boned and her pelvic region was wide and deep. She didn't expand much during her pregnancy. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when she called her husband at work and told him what she had done that day. Fortunately for her, in that day and age women stayed in the hospital for at least four days after delivery. This gave her husband a little time to rustle up some supplies for the new addition. I have thought of that woman a lot over the years.

Honey, Even Virgin Mary had the equipment

 

[chad-o]

I am a man who is married to someone that can not have children for all the issues mentioned. We are now too old to have children but at the time when we were. I married her because I loved her. Children were never an issue just a circumstance. I think that not being able to bare children is hard on anyone man or woman. I also feel that there is someone out there for everyone. Very easy to say but, believe in your self you have so much more to offer than children.

 

[cassie]

I am not knowlegeable about this subject by any means, but I do know there are children in foster care that are available for adoption. People don't think to investigate this avenue when they are wanting to adopt.

 

[crazyfarmer]

Again adopting is not that easy. People say just go out and adopt like you can walk into an orphanage say hey I want a kid and walk out with one the same day.its not that easy. It takes time, cash background checks and all kinds of paperwork. People need to come to your home and "approve" that you are fit and that you can provide for a child even before you are considered to be viable adoptive parents. And some addoptions take YEARS to go through. Not to mention the average adoption starts at $50,000 and higher.

 

[SillyChicken]

Boy I wish I could have had a hyster at 25! Funny how one persons trauma is another persons dream. I got to spend up until I was 40 dealing with constant pain since I started. The Dr acted like he was saying a dirty word to me when he said my final option was the "H word"...... I was like a giddy kid in the candy store! Yes, Yes thats what I want!! When can we start! I had to have an old school hyster, but I'm very proud of the scar.. I earned that one!

I had told them all along I DO NOT WANT CHILDREN... but they wouldn't listen to me until they felt I was "old" enough to make that decision. I knew since I was a kid I didn't want any. The ability to have children shouldn't and doesn't define who you are as a person or human.

A friend of mine wanted kids in the worst way.. they ended up adopting.. and next thing you know she was pregnant. The stress of thinking she couldn't have kids, actually kept her from having therm.

No adoption isn't easy or cheap for sure. But, if you have health insurance, see if they offer assistance. My DBIL and DS adopted a girl from Russia a few years ago, and was going to adopt another before Russia put a stop to it this year. So they are going through the Ukraine, where you have to take 2 siblings.... just got their appointment for end of January.

Look for an older kid, they need homes too. Don't give up with out trying all the options out there. That way you at least know you have done all you could and then find another way.. what about opening a day care...or helping kids in big brother/big sister? Gives you some kid time. Or volunteering at your hospital for baby holding, kids entertainment etc... or the Y? You can at least surround yourself with kids.

Best of luck too you.

 

[henjoy]

Crazyfarmer, if you really are intent on becoming a parent, do try the foster care system. We have 3 wonderful granddaughters who were foster kids. As a previous poster mentioned many times the foster care workers do have a good idea which kids may NOT be going back to bio parents. I know, I know the stated goal is to reunite families, but sometimes it is fairly obvious that is not going to happen. If you would like to have more than one child, consider a sibling group. Many times these kids are waiting for a home since many would-be parents are just interested in adopting only one child. Adopting through the foster care system is also very inexpensive--in our state a couple of hundred dollars and many kids come with health insurance and maybe some post high school educational opportunities. Please consider foster care adoption. It can be a wonderful way to add new members to a family.