Balancing Keeping Kids Safe And Giving Them Freedom

[deb1]

I think also that as mothers we have to deal with unwritten assumptions about how a 'good' mother acts. If you let your child play in the summer rain, some woman will start gossiping about what a bad mother you are.

 

[PlymouthRocker]

Quote:
I absolutely agree with this posting. I've been guilty of this myself and am ashamed. I often think of the comedian who said, "Anyone that drives faster than me is a moron and anyone that drives slower than me is an idiot." This transfers to mothers: Any mom that gives their kids more freedom than me is a moron and any mom that gives their kid less freedom than me is an idiot.

 

[Abby's mom]

I have 3 children and all 3 of my children have different rules

my oldest now has his own family, but he was the child that would look at you in the face and say they were playing tea party but they were really playing with fireworks. you had to watch him like a hawk and always check on him.

my second child who is now in University, he was the kind of child that would be happy playing with lint, buttons and his belly button he would not stray far from moms sight

my daughter who is now in high school she was the type to go on adventures, she likes to go into the woods or the over grown grass area and play, she would make her house, have her babies (pretend) and be there for hours

my oldest child really did not have the choice of free ranging because i simply could not trust him not to blow something up (he is now a police officer)

my second child, i would encourage him to go and play gave him the walkie talkies and literally kick him out of the house ... GO PLAY!!! once he discovered the adventures he could have on his bike.. he was gone all day... he is now studying forensic science

my daughter... she would have a walkie talkie and be out the door at dawn if i let her... most times i would call her on ther walkie talkie and get her to blow her whistle (we made her carry a whistle incase she ever got lost cause she would venture off into the woods) anyway.. i would bring her lunch and snacks out int he middle of the forest, or field.. she is working towards being a teacher...

I know this has been long and drawn out but how much freedom a child has also must in some part depend on the child, some we need to keep on a shorter tether and some can have an unlimited tether..

 

[Wildsky]

Its so sad how much life has changed for kids.

My siblings and I would run wild all day after school, we only had to be home for supper.

My hubby and I decided to move from San Diego to a small town in Nebraska for the kids sake more than anything else. In San Diego they were NEVER allowed outside alone, there were just too many stories of horrible things going on.

Out here in the middle of small town nebraska, my kids walk to school and back if the weather is ok (my little one is only 5 so I watch them from the top of a hill) I have let the two of them walk their friend back half way home - all alone without hovering at all. My son has walked to his friends house etc alone since we moved here (he was 8 then) the pride and sense of freedom it gives him is SO worth it.

My kids can go play outside whenever they feel like it, they go play in the hay bales and in the tree's around our property, I got a dog to go with them, for the only reason the kids don't look for things like snakes and such and the dog will cause she's very alert and thinks she's their mother!

I would move again from a big town to a little one in a heartbeat to make my kids lives just a little better.

 

[cassie]

It pays to realize that in spite of all the hoopla and horror stories on the news things are really safer now in a lot of ways than they were in the '50's. Bad things have always happened. It is just now that we hear about them. I think there is a lot more long term damage done by helicopter (always hovering) parents than anything else. A parent's job is to teach a kid to become an adult, not a perrenial kid. You simply cannot shelter a kid from everything that might possibly befall him and you do him no favors if you try.

 

[Sillystunt]

Quote:
Totally agree! I see little ones walk to school because they have no cars in the house hold, single moms working and it is scary.

We can't start to blame parents who are limited but people who pray on children~

lau

Those comments angered me. How can anyone blame the mother?

One summer I stayed with my stepgrandparents in Minnesota. They lived way out in the country. They let me walk six miles through the country to meet my grandfather on his way home. I love it and felt so adult. They also gave us a schedule of chores. I loved it. Having freedom and responsibility was great to me.

everyone wants to point a finger and blame someone! Dear lord, the pain this mother must feel. Then have jerky people questioning her, makes me angry!

 

[deb1]

Quote:
Although it is hard not to be frightened by the news, I agree with you. Horrible acts have always occurred but in times past, people were less aware of them.

We need to filter through what we hear about in the news. It is more likely that your child die in a car accident then be taken by a stranger(at least according to Free Range kids) yet we still drive our kids places.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

Actually, more bad things happen today than in 1950... The internet is a large factor, since sickos can google any old thing, and like a drug, it takes more and more each time for them to feel 'satisfied'... so internet porn can develop into an addiction, that can eventually need REAL life situations... Also, there are a LOT more people here now, more people crammed into the same amount of space, so the likelihood of your child encountering a sicko is much higher than it used to be. Also, parents are busier, work more, and parent less, which means that some kids are less supervised, and are more vulnerable, and some kids are less supervised and more predatory... I let my kids play on our land, only where I can see them from the window. My 2 and 4 year old can play outside alone, as long as I know exactly where they are, and the dog is with them. Also, the goose will give us a warning if anyone comes onto our land. I check on them every couple minutes, to make sure that they are being careful and aren't anywhere near the pond. My 6 year old can ride his bike around our land, but not down the driveway, or near the road... I don't really worry about anyone coming up during the day, nobody ever does, except the UPS guy, and occasionally a neighbor drives up on an ATV to chat. I am sure to lock the doors at night, and I keep my gun and mace close. My kids know not to open the door, which I lock when I shower, and not to touch the gun or mace. I do my best to protect my kids, but also don't fill them with fear. My job is to help them grow up happy and healthy and to become useful people in society. The kind of people that someone will eventually want to be friends with and marry. All we can do is our best, and as with every other aspect of parenting, we will do what we can, when we can, and how we can. We all are at least partly, occasionally negligent, but most of the time bad things don't happen right at those moments, but when they DO, that's when tragedy strikes. I don't believe that anyone deserves to be punished like that, even if they did take their eyes off a child for a moment.

 

[raroo]

When I was a kid right through to my teen years I was allowed to go about as long as I was with my older sister or friends, never alone. When I was very small we lived in a tiny town where the parents looked out for each other's kids. We went to the park by ourselves when we were 5 (me) and 7 (my sis). By the time we moved to a busier area we were quite independent and roamed about the whole town by ourselves, went to the mall, the local parks and ponds, stores. We were 7 and 9 when we moved to the larger town. This was in 1990 and there was a kidnapper prowling around. However, we were taught not to ever talk to or get in cars with strangers, and we were forbidden to go out alone. We walked to school, and were at home by ourselves after school too.

When I was 12 I had to walk 45 minutes to the public transit bus at 6:30 in the morning and ride another 45 minutes, then walk another half hour to get to school. By the time I was a teen I was taking the skytrain downtown alone and waiting for the bus late at night. I had no curfew, and pretty much went wherever I wanted.

I had more freedom growing up and as a teen than most other kids my age. I'm not sure if my mom gave us too much, but I have to say we knew the dangers as well as any adult, and were always out in groups. A handful of times I was alone when I should not have been in bad areas, and I was fully aware of how foolish I was being. My mom knew where we were at all times because we felt we didn't have to keep any secrets from her. If we drank, we could call her up and count on a ride home and know we wouldn't get in trouble for it.

This is just my own personal experience. I do know that a lot of my friends had far less freedom than I did and got into a lot more trouble. Apart from a stupidity blip when I was 16 and 17, I was actually a very responsible, mature kid who knew right from wrong.

That being said, I am unsure of how much freedom to give my own kids when I have them, because I do not trust anybody! Kids today act like adults, 8 year old wearing briitany spears outfits. When I was 8 I wore matching sweat pants outfits with sparkly kittens on them!

Kids today are exposed to a lot more sexuality via the internet and TV, and even from when I was a kid the world feels a lot more dangerous. I would not walk alone at night, so I would be hard pressed to let my kids be out and about at night.