Best (clean) Jokes! :D

[CJkid]

Hey Everybody,

Ok so I am looking though the different threads under "Games, Jokes, and Fun!" But I don't see any ones about jokes, (at least nothing recent) so here it goes post the best clean joke you got. Let's make everybody laugh

P.S. If you wanna post more than one I won't complain

I'll start things off:

Its the day before Ann and John's anniversary. Ann says to John "when I get up in the morning and look out in the driveway I want to see something that is silver and will go 0-200 in 3 seconds."

The next morning Ann gets up and goes out the driveway. Sitting there with a beautiful red ribbon tied around it is a stainless steel bathroom scale.

I'm sure you can do better... let the jokes begin....

 

[woodward farms]

A blonde woke up late and had to run for the bus without having breakfast. She boarded the bus and sat down. At the next stop another blonde got on carrying a bag from McDonald's. The first blonde said "Oh, I'm so hungry and that smells so good.'. The second blonde said "I have some Egg McMuffins in there." The first blonde asked "If I guess how many, can I have one?'. The second blonde said "If you guess how many, you can have both.". The first blonde replied "Six?".

 

[woodward farms]

WHAT DID THE FISH SAY WHEN IT SWAM INTO A CEMENT WALL?

DAM!!!!

 

[Imp]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.

So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"


(are you ready?)














(are you sure?)








(here it comes!!!)

The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."

​

 

[CJkid]

A blonde calls the fire department and says, "Help! My house is on fire! My house is one fire!!"
The fire chief says "Ok calm down, now tell me how do we get to your house?"
Blonde says, "Duh, in your big red truck"

 

[FeatherPainter]

A blond walks up to the counter in a library and says to the librarian, "I'd like a cheeseburger and fries." The librarian says, " Miss, this is a library." The blond whispers, " Oh sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger and fries."