Best gun for varmints

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So the weapon of choice may be the one that most people aren't using. Maybe a reproduction cowboy pistol. Bazooka. Spear.
I'm trying to picture this:
Your wife yells "Honey, I think there's a coon in the hen house!"
You reply "I'll be there in a jiffy, sweetie plums." (squeak, shuffle, squeak, shuffle, squeak, shuffle, squeak)
Your wife yells "Hurry, honey, I think it's got one of the chickens!"
You reply "Arumph" (squeak, groan, squeak, shuffle, squeak)
Your wife yells "Harry, for the love of God, get out there!"
You reply "Uggghhhhh" (squeak, shuffle, squeak, groan, squeak)
No, a cannon is just not suitable for critter control.
 
I would get ninja stars and poison tipped blow gun darts and a samuri sword. Or one like Sir William Wallace or maybe a battle axe or war hammer. Everytime I jump out of a tree in my ninja suit the coyotes tuck tail and run. Cause they know I'm about to open up a can on them.
 
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That's a good idea. Buster, lets' go to Wal-Mart today and see if they have a ninja outfit and a can. I don't have ninja stars, but I have a trampoline, and that's probably more deadly than all of the above.
 
Trampolene? Ha! I think my grand parents have some off those banned lawn darts from 1979. I would set them up in a field and hide. Then wait for the coyotes n foxes n bobcats n coons to come along and start playing with them and injure themselves.
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Muhahaha Muhaha!
 

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