Blond jokes

Discussion in 'Managing Your Flock' started by nccountrygirl, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. nccountrygirl

    nccountrygirl Songster

    Jul 31, 2007
    Sanford N.C.
    you can substitute any hair color you wish.

    Subject: blond jokes

    Two blonds with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter
    work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house
    siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either
    toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

    Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you
    throwing those nails away?" Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of
    my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I
    throw them away."

    Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't
    defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

    A blond hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of
    her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the

    emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit
    suicide," the blond replied.

    "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting
    off your finger?"

    "No, Silly, " the blond said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and
    then I thought, I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not
    shooting myself in the chest."

    "So then?" asked the doctor. ;> "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I
    thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not
    shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my
    ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my
    finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

    A Blondy was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad
    hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
    to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blond, so he
    decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail
    pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So the blond went
    home, got down on her hands and knees, and started blowing into her
    tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still
    nothing happened.

    Her blond roommate saw her, and asked, "What are you doing?"

    The first blond told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow
    into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

    The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to
    roll up the windows first."

    Did you hear about the two blonds who froze to death in a drive-in
    movie? They had gone to see "Closed for the winter."

    A blond goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked
    sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blond replies, ; "Early this
    morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
    The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the
    day? Take the day off to relax and rest."

    "Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it, and
    I have the best chance of doing that here."

    The boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual. A couple of
    hours pass, and the boss decides to check on the blond. He looks out
    from his office, and sees the blond crying hysterically.

    "What's so bad now? Are you going to be okay?" he asks.

    "No", exclaims the blond. "I just received a horrible call from my sister .

    Her mother died, too
  2. quadcam79

    quadcam79 Songster

    Oct 28, 2007
    Fernandina Beach Fl.
  3. kyfarmer

    kyfarmer Songster

    Nov 8, 2007
    [​IMG] them is good ty
  4. [​IMG]
    im 1/2 blonde!!!
  5. SpottedCrow

    SpottedCrow Flock Goddess

  6. HenHaven

    HenHaven Songster

    Mar 3, 2007
    Coarsegold, CA
    [​IMG] I sent those along to my blonde friend!
  7. okiechick57

    okiechick57 Songster

    [​IMG] NC.....why would anyone want to substitute the hair color? [​IMG] blond is perfect [​IMG] no hate mail please haha
  8. TxChiknRanchers

    TxChiknRanchers Songster

    Aug 18, 2007
    Southeast Texas
    Heres one DW sent me today


    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

    Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

    The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

    She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

    He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

    "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

    He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . .

    "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
  9. MarkR

    MarkR Songster

    Mar 11, 2007
    Ivy, Virginia
    A Blonde's Year in Review


    Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.


    Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ..... Helllloooo !
    ....... bottles won't fit in printer !


    Got really excited ..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ..... box said
    "2-4 years" !


    Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out !


    Tried to make Kool-Aid .... wrong instructions .... 8 cups of water won't
    fit into those little packets !


    Tried to go water skiing ....... couldn't find a lake with a slope.


    Lost breast stroke swimming competition .... learned later, the other
    swimmers cheated. They used their arms !


    Got locked out of my car in rain storm ....

    car swamped because soft-top was open.


    The capital of California is "C" ..... isn't it ???


    Hate M & M's .... they are so hard to peel.


    Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .... instructions said 1 hour per pound, and I weigh 108 !


    Couldn't call 911 . "Duh"..... there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone !
  10. Yonaton

    Yonaton Songster

    Jun 28, 2007
    West TN
    Two blondes can be seen and heard arguing a short way off the side of the road. A guy stops to listen and hears this:

    Blonde A: "These are fox tracks I tell you!" to blonde B

    Blonde B: "No! These are racoon tracks, darn you!" to blonde A

    Back and forth they keep trying to tell the other what they're sure the tracks they've found are. Shortly along comes the train and runs them both over.

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