Cindiloohoo, I swear you are living my life. When My Wife and I met the only thing her youngest would eat was TV dinners. Her oldest (10 at the time) couldn't tie his own shoes, read and was failing school. I was a single dad for 11 years and worked very hard with my Son to make sure he was preparing for adulthood. I treated her Son's the same way I did mine but no matter what I did my Mother In Law would call and complain that I was to mean, wasn't treating her "babies" correctly and was abusing them because I made them eat what I cooked for dinner not what ever they wanted. My Wife has since come to realise that I was only trying to make sure her children would grow up to be healthy, productive adults. Five years later and I still have the same problem with my MIL. So the answer to your question is NO. No matter what you do as a step parent you will always be wrong. I think it might be because their family does not see you as a "real" parent. It does get very frusturating. Sometimes I feel like to her the only thing I am is someone to financially support her Grandchildren. Don't let it get you down though. As long as you know that what you are doing what is right whatever is said about you dosen't matter. I ended up telling my MIL that if she couldn't respect me in my own home not to bad mouth me that she wasn't welcome here. She hasn't been here in over 2 months because of that but the kids still go to see her multiple times a month. She loves to call and let us know that she let the kids have soda (which I don't allow the kids to have here) just to try to get under my skin. I don't let it get to me because I know that no matter what she says or does, at the end of the day I have tried to raise those boys the same as I have done my own.
I KNOW what you mean though...I just hope I can maintain enough self control to not respond to their stupidity. My tongue hurts now
