Can you get over your first true love?

[punk-a-doodle]

Yes, you can get over that experience by looking at it honestly, gently, and giving heart enough room to put the truth of whom deserves this place of honor. If it isn't whom you are with now, then you need to be honest with yourself.

Definitely agree with this. At the end of this, I hope you can learn a lot about yourself and what you are looking for. I definitely don't suggest holding onto thoughts of "what if my husband dies, then I can seek this guy out", etc. I think that can easily lead to resentment towards your husband for starters.
You may even find that one person isn't what you are looking for. Contrary to culture, most people really aren't geared to have one forever and ever love. You may find that you don't need your husband to be your lover, many people have marriages built on other things such as respect, financial support, etc., you just need to be honest with yourself and your husband about whatever you decide.

 

[gritsar]

When I was much younger I had a second chance at a relationship with my first love. Both of us were unmarried at the time. Turns out the relationship was only great in my memories. We had both changed, grown up and just didn't suit each other anymore.

The grass may seem greener, but it seldom is.

 

[greeneggsandham]

Get over yes, but never forget. He has one small spot in my heart. My husband has all the rest.

 

[CherryChick]

I know how you feel! It's a hard thing to get over and I"m still not over even thou my wound is still pretty fresh. I was engaged to a wonderful man. We loved each other with every fiber of our being. But there was a couple problems.
1. I live in Indiana, USA and He lived in Cornwall England.
The distance was just so hard and the money was tight for all immigration paper work.
We ended up just breaking it off after almost three years of being together.
Now I'm in another relationship trying to move on but I just can't because my love for him is so strong I just can't get over it yet. So I think Ill have to slow this other relationship down to a hault.

 

[Buugette]

My first love got in touch with me a year and a half ago via Facebook. We did end up talking on the phone quite a bit, catching up, etc. Now I told my hubby when he got in touch with me the first time, and then told him every time I spoke to him and basically everything we talked about. Even the conversation when he said he never stopped loving me. He will always hold a very special place in my heart, but I am head over heels insanely in love with my hubby of 16 years.

Now the problem, my ex's wife found out, he did not tell her about me. Hmmmm... not good. My hubby asked if he had anything to worry about... I told him no, and he had no issue with me being friends with my ex. His wife, on the other hand, freaked and I became a home wrecker. I must admit, I understand her side of it... I really do. I didn't appreciate it, but I did understand it. Now he isn't "allowed" to speak to me anymore, or even utter my name... she will leave him. She took his cell phone, his computer, doesn't let me out of her sight when he is home (he is a truck driver). So be it... it is their life.

But, now I miss him. I enjoyed talking with him; it was like we never stopped. It was like an old friend came home. I don't believe there would have been anything more than friendship on either side. We both talked a lot about our spouse, our children and our lives. We talked about old friends, stuff we did, stuff we wished we did... etc. We did end up at one point in the discussion about what happened to us. We were engaged and I broke it off. We chatted about where we might be if we stayed together, etc. This was a one-time discussion... started and finished. All other discussions were about family, our jobs, our houses and what we were doing to them, our kids, etc.

I think about him a lot now... I miss him. I miss his voice, his laugh, how I could always tell he was smiling when talking to me. I even miss his funny hillbilly way (his words, not mine). He was a good boy, and has become a good man. I don't regret leaving him. He was shipping out to Germany in the Airforce, and I was only 20. I wasn't ready to leave my family, let alone my country. We talked for several years after we broke up, remained friends. I lost touch with him after I received a letter from a girl stating that they were getting married. I figured our friendship wasn't fair to her, so I quietly disappeared. Come to find out she was lying, just wanted me gone from his life.

He will always hold a special place in my heart. Lately I have wondered if we were both free at the same time, if we would rekindle what we once had. Wondering is one thing... but I plan to grow old and decrepit with my hubby. He is everything to me. I had the words, "My Friend, My Love, My Life" engraved in his wedding ring before we were married. I can't imagin life without my hubby in it.

It's funny how things work... I thought I had forgotten him, then I heard his voice. Now it haunts me and I miss him.

 

[Stacykins]

I know I'm definitely over my first love! Why? Because I want to plant a set of brass knuckles into his FACE

Blasted cheater. And I didn't start dating until I was older, and we were together nearly a year and a half. Went to visit him and surprise! And then he had the gall to threaten me when I found out. Oh hell no! Anyhoo, no contact ever since and things have been great. It hurt a lot at first, but I turned the sadness into anger since he as a jerk.

 

[lockedhearts]

Well Lisa,
In my case, NO. My husband was my first love, we dated in school. Split up for 21 years, when we made contact again, those feelings were still there, that was 11 years ago, I love him as much today as I did all those years ago. I had many many relationships in the 21 years, I was always restless, not content, and felt like something was missing.
On the other hand, did I regret those years apart, no, I feel that we both needed to go through what we did in those years apart so that it would work now.
So, I guess I am saying, being in love with someone is not always all you need, I think sometimes you need life experience for it to work. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, and that things that are supposed to happen will.
So, you are being honest with yourself about those feelings, this is a good thing, keep that in perspective though. From what you have said, in my opinion, you are where you are supposed to be at this point in your life. But none of us know what the future holds.

 

[key west chick]

Buugette, thats pretty much how I feel. Hubby knew I was in touch with old bf for DDs sake, but he knew that i would never leave him for this other man. Its funny, but old bf's wife of only a little more than a year, wont let him talk to me either. Last time I saw them, she had a fit that he spoke to me. He basically told her that I was his daughters mother and she would have to get over it. But, I really never talk to him anyway so she got what she wanted. I think I will just be happy with the memories we shared and thankful for the time I have with hubby.

 

[barbarajon]

I don’t have feelings for my first love now. But I often wonder about what if. By the way I dumped him because of a fight (will tell you guys someday). I dated about 4 guys after him and got married to the 4th guy. But the day I got married I wasn’t thinking of the rest three in between. But just him, you know what if I had stayed with him and all.

 

[SillyChicken]

Quote:

erm...cough...Sorry, but that was hilarious!!! I do care for my "first love" in a friend's sort of way, BUT I'm right there with Sillychicken, I would rather resort to unreasonable violation than go back to him (giggles) I was in a state of mind right after we broke up that I kind of sugar coated everything about the relationship to try to make it look not so bad...But then my best friend whacked some sense in me reminding me how much of a donkey he was

As others have stated, things happen for a reason. This spring when I was all set with not being in a relationship with anyone, I accidentally ran into my current boyfriend. I couldn't ask for a better guy, and I have had no thoughts whatsoever of turning back.

Unreasonable violations? LOL!

We were highschool sweethearts, together for 14 years, married the last 6 years. My parents were still friendly toward him after our divorce, and he was always calling my dad to help with stuff... I finally had to tell them about life with him, and in 5 words, why they should never have anything to do with him ever again:

HE THREATEND TO KILL ME!

what was that about, unreasonable violations

?