Can you get over your first true love?

key west chick

Songster
11 Years
May 31, 2008
3,328
12
211
Gainesville, GA
First of all, Im not coming here to start a debate on whats right or wrong. Im asking a question. Second, yes, I have sought help. That went nowhere. Heres my story. At 19 I dated a boy while I was in college. He was barely 18 and had just graduated from high school. We lived in 2 different states. We dated, I got kicked out of school and went home, he joined the Army, romance over. Shortly after returning home, I found out I was pregnant. He never had anything to do with DD up until about 2 years ago when curiosity got the best of her and she wanted to meet him. Short lived relationship. I helped introduce them, saw him a few times but kept my distance for the most part, this was their deal. I have been married to a wonderful man for nearly 18 years. I love him with all of my heart. Well, most of it anyway. My problem is Im still in love with my old BF. My love for him has never wavered. I simply moved on when I knew there was never a future for us. I would NEVER do anything to harm my husband or marriage. I dont have contact with old BF. So dont tell me not to talk to him, I dont. I went 20 YEARS without seeing this man, but the love I feel is still great. He is married and has a 1 year old son. Im sure in his eyes, our relationship was over 22 years ago. He may or may not remember how I felt for him. I dont live my life full of what ifs and regrets. Im happy with who I am and with and where I am today. I just feel so much for this man. Counseling didnt help. We'll leave it at that. I dont have control over what my heart feels. Thankfully my brain acts the way it should. Has anyone ever loved someone they knew they could never be with? I would never leave my hubby for this man, ever. But I still love him. I keep it pushed way down inside, which cant be good for me. Can your first true loves love ever die? Do I keep doing what Ive done for over 20 years? Just accept the fact I have feelings for him and keep moving forward?
 

annie3001

My Girls
10 Years
Jun 11, 2009
4,313
19
223
Ct.
i know this sounds really corny, but i am still married to my one true love. really, my age is 37 and i have been with the same guy for 17 years and married only 6....
i wouldnt have our life any other way.......oh except a ton of more money!! lol
 

annie3001

My Girls
10 Years
Jun 11, 2009
4,313
19
223
Ct.
Quote:okay, heres the thing i think, if your current husband passes, ( for whatever reason) look up this guy you had feelings for. i love stories like that. sounds like a romantic movie or something.

btw: sorry if this sounds really weird, but i think there was a movie something like this.......i also think that if you feel so strongly about the other guy, maybe divorce is what you should consider. that of course if your up to it. are you happy in your life?? could it really be filled better with this other guy in your life... i think maybe your heavy thoughts might need a therpist or such, or talk this over with someone.? i dunno.
 

sparkles2307

Terd of Hurtles
11 Years
Oct 23, 2008
6,025
12
251
Northwestern Minnesota
I still have feelings, not sure if they'd be called love, for the first guy I fell in love with. I'm happily married and the idea of ending the marriage for the other guy is inconceivable, but he and I both know that if anything ever happened to make us single, we'd be together.
 

key west chick

Songster
11 Years
May 31, 2008
3,328
12
211
Gainesville, GA
But see, I love my hubby. I would never consider divorce. Plus, the other guy is married also. And I have talked to a therapist. I just cant turn off my feelings. I guess I should be thankful I have such a big heart that a tiny piece will always belong to someone else.
 

Tam'ra of Rainbow Vortex

Songster
10 Years
Apr 30, 2009
919
21
151
Rogue Valley, S. Oregon
How's this for pitiful- I still love someone I never even got a chance to date. I haven't seen him in 10 years. I have messaged him via myspace and facebook, and we are 'friends' that way, but we were never close. Last I talked to him he was looking for a job that would let him move from LA (15+ hours away) to Grants Pass (half an hour away) and though it had NOTHING to do with me, my heart was pounding for days. I still hope he finds that job...
 

kidcody

Crowing
9 Years
Nov 1, 2010
7,237
503
336
Autumn Farm English Orpingtons
I think what you are feeling is 100% normal. You hear about people getting back together and trying to make a go of it. I think your brain is still stuck back 22 years ago? You haven't thought of the reality of a what "if" relationship?. I think is OK to wonder if it could of every been. But inreality how many of these relationships every really work? The saying "the grass isn't greener on the other side" is true!
 

Eris

Chirping
8 Years
Aug 15, 2011
112
5
89
El Paso, Texas
My first thought is that your mind is stuck on "what if". I think that's what most people wonder after a relationship, even if they don't realize it. Our brains are tricky this way.
 

redhen

Kiss My Grits...
Premium Feather Member
11 Years
May 19, 2008
35,107
174
458
Western MA
I still love my ex also... i was with him for like 8 years. We went through a lot together.
I'll always care for him and still would do ANYTHING to help him today if he needed me.
But i think that everything happens for a reason... i would have never met my husband if we didnt split. And my husband is my life, my best friend, my everything. He treats me better than i deserve('cause i can be a bratty witch at times..
..)... and i know he would do anything to make me happy.

So... i know that i have enough room in my heart for both of them.. but my husband has my life and soul.

I'm sorry that you are still hurting, my friend...
 

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