Classmates B-Day Parties

[herfrds]

msteresaann she mainly knows these kids from school. We are way out in the country just like the rest of the kids so no one comes after school or on the weekend.

I only know 2 sets of parents fairly well. One of the Dads is a fire chief and we know each other through the county fire meetings.
second set I know through a friend and their Dad is in EMS with me.

 

[Mattemma]

I agree with taking the high road and invite those your dd likes not who had her(or not) to their party. Seeing the FB pictures does stink a bit. I would not want my kids to see parties they missed.

I stopped doing parties and allowing the kids to go to parties. Got to be a PITA to drive the kids to a place and go home,and then go back and get them. These kids live all over. AND buying presents for 30+ kids got to be expensive. Finally, I personally object to having my kids invited to a classmates home only for a party. I have often told parents *lets get the kids together*,but all we ever get are birthday invites. I don't want my kids to only go to a home for a party,and then never visit again till next years party.

My final isssue is no one seems to do simple parties anymore.They have them at various expensive places. If it is at home they have a themed host like an animal guy or science guy putting on a show. We can't do those,and I wouldn't even if I could. What happened to cake and pizza parties? Even the gift bags are expensive. Lol, I read now that people do parties at hotels.Sleeping over and using the pool. To each their own I guess!

We are so limited on money these days I prefer to spend it all on the kids,and not hosting a party for school friends. We have a child who stays the summer,and he never has parties either(home life is bad),so I am planning a party day for the boy and my kids. Plus I will pay for them to go 3 days to a vacation spot here in Ohio. The one boy has never gone anywhere.

Hope things work out for your dd and she has a nice time. We are still tweaking what we want to create for our celebration traditions each year.

 

[EweSheep]

From our school, some parents got creative. They brought in delivered pizzas and DQ ice cream during their lunch hour or a 45 minute time (lunch and one snack break) for the K and 1st grade. They love the fun, and they didn't expect presents except PLEASE eat the cake until all gone and nothing goes home. Later in the day, the kid would have another birthday party among relatives and family friends. They loved the two party days!

 

[calicokat]

Based on our family's experience - I want to point out that 3rd grade is a real common time for girl bullying to start. And part of that behavior is shunning or excluding. That may or may not be going on with your DD not getting invited to parties. Just in case that is the deal, I recommend getting some books at your library about Relational Aggression in Girls (mean girl behavior, queen bees, etc.) in addition to all the other good ideas that have been posted

Even if it's not going on in her class (yet) it's good reading that will get you prepared, because if it does start, you'll want to be prepared

 

[SourRoses]

What about.... Those two parents you mentioned, maybe you could take them aside if you see them, and say "Hey, I did kind of wonder why my DD wasn't invited to your childs B'day, but no big deal.. Now that the time for her birthday party is coming up, I'm wondering if there is some issue with the kids I didn't know about? Should we invite YDD? Because I would so hate to see her heart broken if her friends didn't show up"...
If you arent comfortable with that, what about finding other girls her age to invite? Maybe ask her about girls she knows that dont have many friends? It would be a way to include them and maybe make her new friends who will reciprocate in the future. Also, it might be a positive thing to turn this into a learning experience.

 

[eenie114]

Quote:
I agree with this. Something along the lines of, 'Hey, do you know if there's some sort of fued going on between mine and yours? I'd like to invite yours to mine's party, but I don't want to cause contention...." etc.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Rather than speaking to the parents, I suggest talking to the teacher. Let her know what is happening and ask whether she sees any behavior from any of the kids to explain it. Your daughter may not be as socially adept, the other girls could be getting into that cliquey-bullying that girls seem to do nowadays, or maybe something else is going on. Could be something as simple as your daughter having lost the invitations. It is also possible that even though everyone lives far apart, that the other kids parents make arrangements for the kids to get together occcasionally.

A school can limit passing out invitations during school to all or none, but they have no right or business in dictating who can or cannot be invited to someone's party that is not held during school-time or on school grounds. That said, I do agree that leaving out only one or two is very ungracious.

Saying "let's get the kids together" and then hoping someone else will make the arrangements will get you nowhere. Saying--"How about bringing Mary over to play after school next week; does Wednesday afternoon work for you?" will get results.

 

[herfrds]

I ran into the one parents today. Both girls hugged each other, so it really makes me wonder what is going on.

the school does not dictate on the birthday invites.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Any chance your daughter lost her invitations? My older son once put a party invitation is a "special" pocket in his backpack--where I discovered it a few days AFTER the party. He was really sad that he had missed it.

 

[herfrds]

I asked her if she had even received an invitation to any party. Her lower lip came out and she said she knew about the other girls party, but didn't get invited.

I'm sorry but that makes me mad. They acted like her friends in front of us, but in truth they are not acting like it at school.

She has other kids who don't go to this school that she is friends with, guess I know who is going to get an invite and who is not.
there is one girl who was being excluded from things last year and I sat down with DD and told her it was not a nice thing to do.

I told her a story about a person in my past and how stupid I was. She listened and was being nice to this other girl even though her other "friends" were not.