Completely OT of chickens but I had to share.

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Mrs.Yardbird, Oct 24, 2008.

  1. Mrs.Yardbird

    Mrs.Yardbird In the Brooder

    Sep 4, 2008
    Panhandle of Texas
    As and about to be mommy I visit my pregnancy boards alot and yesterday this was posted. I laughed and laughed, and seriously thought I could have the kid at any moment my tummy was hurting so bad from laughing. I only hope I never have to experience this and if any of you have, while I may laugh, I feel for you. I hope you all enjoy.

    A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
    By Shannon Popkin

    My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in The library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And You never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There're been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the Restroom.

    If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

    "Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh!

    Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy?

    You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?

    Mommy, what are you doing?

    Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"

    At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ....4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

    Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?
    Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!

    I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have Some!" "No, I'm trying to see doze stinkies.

    Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy,doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!" As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.

    I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

    "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.

    Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. "Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under DA door?

    What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?" More laughter.

    I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. "Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"

    I saw that my wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened The door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete emabarassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?" But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

  2. JennsPeeps

    JennsPeeps Rhymes with 'henn'

    Jun 14, 2008
    South Puget Sound

    I can just imagine this! hil-AIR-ree-us
  3. arlee453

    arlee453 Songster

    Aug 13, 2007
    near Charlotte NC
    Well, thankfully I never had them give the play by play of what I was doing in there, but sure have heard them giving the full gory details of that THEY were doing.

    And then there was the one of mine who liked to sing while on the potty at that age.

  4. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    haaa! kids so are hilarious!

    my oldest child, now 14, had to use the potty at her 3rd b'day party. both great grandma's took her.

    my DH's grandma went into one stall and took my DD with her. my grandma went into another.

    my grandma is 'doing her biz' and hears my DD say to DH's grandma:

    'Nanny! Why is your booty soooo big?'

    my grandma said she had to cover her mouth and stifle the laugh.

    we still laugh about it.

    (now, this is the SAME child who 'measured' a carpet sales lady's bottom while she was bent over measuring the room. DD took her measuring tape out and held it up to the lady's bottom and says, "It's three five, Mommy!" i almost died!)
  5. doodledoo

    doodledoo Songster

    Feb 29, 2008
    Cartersville, GA
    Oh - you just wait! You laugh now but I guarantee that your time is coming! I have a five year old boy and a two year old girl and I could so see my kids doing something like this. But the lady is right - they are so worth it! Good luck with your pregnancy and bundle of joy when he/she arrives.
  6. chels23

    chels23 Songster

    Jan 10, 2008
    S.E Kansas
    I have a two month old and I know I'm in for some embarrassing moments. Good luck with everything and enjoy your little one when he/she comes!
  7. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Wow that is classic. My son asked me in a crowded elevator "Mommy, why is that lady right there so fat?" Now, keep in mind that I am NOT a skinny woman.

  8. lovemychix

    lovemychix Songster

    Oct 14, 2008
    Moulton Iowa
    I had a friend who was a bit heavy....and she told me one day that her daughter told her that her butt looked like a heart...we laughed and [​IMG]
  9. Ol'FashionHen

    Ol'FashionHen Songster

    Oct 24, 2008
    The South
    Oh my![​IMG] It took me forever to read this I laughed, lost my place, I laughed histerically, lost my place, I laughed literally I peed my pants, went the bathroom, lost my place , I was laughing sooo hard I began to gurgle. Mrs. Yardbird you are histerically funny and brave for posting this. Please let us know what Cade says next. I hope you ate chocolate for those stinkies [​IMG].
  10. Ol'FashionHen

    Ol'FashionHen Songster

    Oct 24, 2008
    The South
    I had to print this for my DH to read. You should submit your story to a magizines most embarisin' moments column. Might make a few bucks off dem stinkies.[​IMG]

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