Cremation or Burial?

[gfrankel]

Quote:
Everything we do is permitted. We build reefs worldwide, in more than 60 countries, for a variety of habitat development purposes. We also have a Facebook fan page with 6000 fans in less than 14 months. visit us at www.facebook.com/eternalreefs and we can always use more fans. George

 

[FluffyColor]

When I was five, my grandmother was taken to her viewing. Being five, I was freaked out. My brother thought she was just asleep and tried to wake her up. To this day, I think he expects her to walk through the door someday.(He's autistic.) Sorry, but you've got a 100-year waiting list over here and she won't walk through our door 'til you walk through hers.. in the afterlife.

Back to me. Well, my mom told be it was natural and that this is what happens to everyone after they die. I was so little I believed it and was totally comfortable with people looking at my rotting corpse in ninety-five years' time (I hope.)

When I was about six, a distant cousin of my dad's died, and I learned of cremation. I was grossed out. I started to dance around like there was a spider on my back (I shook my hands and moved my feet. I can still copy it), screaming "I don't wanna burn! I don't wanna burn!" When my parents and every other adult calmed me down,I said, "I'm not going back out there."
"Why?" asked my mom.
"'Cause I don't wanna burn."
"They're not going to burn you," said my dad. "They're going to burn my cousin."
"But won't it hurt her?"
"She's dead," said my dad. "It won't hurt her."
"Am I gonna burn?"
"You're going to die eventually, but a long time from now."
"This happens to everyone when they die," my mom said.
"Not Grandma.Grandma didn't burn. But she died,you said."
Then my dad explained burials and cremations.
"Are you gonna burn?"
"No."
"Is Mommy gonna burn?"
"No."
"Is my other Grandma gonna burn?"
"No."
"Is Zeke gonna burn?"
"We don't know."
I fire off some more questions, but they eventually persuaded me to go back outside.

The next year, Grandpa died. It had been the cruddiest summer ever.(Well, that and last year's) My brother almost died and my favorite toy broke. (I was going to ask for a new one for Christmas, but they don't make them anymore! ARRRGH!) I had to see his body, which was strangely more freakish than Grandma's. I swore to the soul that I was going "to burn".

When I was eight, my aunt Kelly died. I'd never seen her before, but I was still pretty sad. We had to pass the "baby cemetery", and that was heartbreaking. I still kept my promise to "not get thrown in those places".

The next year, I just became uncomfortable with death in general.

Not much happened after that.

I think I want to get cremated and buried in a cemetery for the children of veterans. Wait, I might get buried, but I don't want a viewing. I've come a long way from being five.
.

 

[justbugged]

Quote:
Does your parents have that right to say what to do with your beloved daughter? Nope, only you! I see nothing wrong about burying your daughter with your grandma.....I would love to have my ashes scattered on my grandmother's grave and I loved her to death...I can not believe she is gone for 34 years.

Whatever decision you make, it is yours alone, no one elses!

They own the plots that my grandmother and aunt and uncle are buried in. I have to have their permission to do anything with the plots. Even after the parents die I would have to get permission from the estate to be able to do anything, like what I wanted. I think I just need to figure out something else, and leave my family of origin out of the mix. They have not shown a lot of respect, and I have decided that I am done trying to fix things that I can not fix. Other than being born, I am not totally sure why there is a reason for kind of hostility that is sometimes expressed towards me. I have been a good daughter and tried so hard to please the family. I know now that there is nothing that I can do anymore to make things different, so I have chosen to step back and be polite and not make waves, while I ignore them and get on with my life.

The plot next to my great-aunt and uncle could be purchased, but that puts the aunt and uncle between my grandmother and daughter. I know that it should make a difference, but it does so....... it isn't like any of the rest of the family will be buried at the cemetery where grandma and aunt and uncle are buried.

 

[justbugged]

Quote:
That is not a bad plan.

 

[justbugged]

FluffyColor you have great parents. It is not easy to explain death to young children. A lot of people avoid the subject. I was just a open and answered question the best I could for my daughter She had turn 3 the day before her sister died. I must say that at the time I told her that we had buried her sister. I thought that it was easier to understand than trying to explain cremation to a barely 3 year old. It was a number of years before she ask enough questions about the cemetery and where her sister was, before I explained cremation to her. She was okay with the thought when she was told, because she had big enough frame of reference to understand the concepts. I truly believe that child understand much more that adults give them credit for.

 

[Mahonri]

I need to get a plot bought.

I'm adding it to my things to do list.

 

[oesdog]

For me it has to be burial.

I worked with the transplant teams and that isn;t for me. The thought that I may not be quite brain dead when they start chopping bits off me is more than I can bare! I kind of know a bit of behind the scenes stuff and I don;t think I want my body put through all that. I also don;t like the idea of being left to science - A friend of mine did her training in Physio and when she was 19 yrs old - they threw her an old ladies leg to cut up. Well I am not having my leg thrown at a kid to chop up and play with! even if she thinks she is learning something!

Cremmation - yikes one of my worst fears is waking up in the furnice and not being able to tell anyone before it kind of gets switched on! NO not for me one bit.

A green funeral -? One of those friendly coffins that kind of disintagrate, kind of great idea except I fear spiders sooooooooooooo much. - Not for me at all.

So I am left with Burial. - And I have gotten over the bug issue. I am told quite reliably a zinc lined coffin is the one to go for as it prevents the bugs getting in!
That is the one for me. Burial, no bugs, no fire, no spiders and no kids cutting my legs up and no one stealing my bits before I am quite all dead!

I have a family plot all sorted out and all I need is someone to plant that nice flowering cherry tree on top of me! So that is it I guess.

As for DH he wants to be cremmated and scattered over the mountains and oh yeah a little on my grave and a little under the apple tree in the yard. - thought about that and I am either going to send the ashes to be turned into a massive diamond!

or I am going to put him in an egg timer for badness! -

Oesdog -

 

[justbugged]

oesdog If I am still around when you go I will plant the tree for you. I'll get one of those trees that have the very pretty pink double blossoms on it. And i think the diamond idea is great.

I must say I know enough about the transplant thing too, I didn't donate my daughters organs because I never knew what happened to her brain. Kait's brain disintegrated over the 333 days that she lived. I wasn't never confident enough that what ever the disease was that caused the problem could have been passed on to another person. So I was too scared that it could have been transmittable to another person, and I couldn't stand the thought of some one else going through what we did that year.

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
Me too!

We did the talk but didn't to the walk to the funeral home to find out more, the costs and how it works in this town and how they would PROVE someone is dead.

 

[FluffyColor]

Quote:

I'd rather be embalmed and put in the cemetery for veteran families.

I, for some reason, don't want to be embalmed. But rotting is... freaking me out. Should I just forget this?