criag's list to funny

> Can't resist passing this one on!
>
>
>
> AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
> To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night
> before last.
> Date: 2009-05-27,=2 01:43 a.m. E.S.T.
>
> I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you
> demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife
> on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked
> for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that
> you somehow come across this rather important message.
> First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't
> expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my
> pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that
> cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend
> had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
> my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it
> that very evening.. Obviously you agree that it is a very
> intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
> I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd
> come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it
> was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your
> shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you
> from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us
> again].
> After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed
> in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd
> done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those
> of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit
> card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was
> extremely grateful!
> I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go
> Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
> day!]
> I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that
> was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and
> side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
> Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell
> phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only
> used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going
> on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening
> phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while
> mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
> The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat
> (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
> In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ...
> but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate
> punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you
> try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing
> issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to
> reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've
> chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be
> so lucky.Have a good day!
> Thoughtfully yours,
> Alex
>
> P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more
> civil society!
>
>
> I probably don't have to ask you to forward this one.